Atian_1
9mo ago
How likely is it that you were abused as a baby if you were already masturbating at 3 yrs old and while doing so, had a vision of an unfamiliar woman angrily forbidding you to think about girls and telling me to think about boys instead? I ended up straight and disregarded her command, but the vibes felt like some kind of feministic progressive trying to make me gay as a 3 year old?
I also had some UTIs at the time and a fear of bathrooms. I had some nightmares about this woman as well until I was 5-6 or so, not sexual in nature however. My parents do not recall any such person that matched my description of that woman in our lives. Although I feel like if it were anyone, it would have maybe been a preschool substitute teacher? Given that I inexplicably could not use the bathroom at my preschool and had to be held back because of it. How does one explain such a memory then? I've read that early masturbation doesn't necessarily mean abuse, and I didn't seem to have actual knowledge of how sex worked until a normal age. But this memory I have doesn't seem exactly normal either, you know? And I acquired a lot of issues as I grew up, not sexual but physical and mental and am trying to figure out why I am so objectively weird and have so many problems.
Atian_1
9mo ago
Apologies but if you have the time, what do you mean by "Good is less important than discipline, and since discipline is only visible by outcomes that are beyond ones control, performative performance is a visible proxy." What is performative performance a proxy for, and why is discipline only visible by outcomes that are beyond ones control? I thought discipline in this context would be doing the cog work diligently, which is in ones control? Not disagreeing or agreeing with you, just trying to understand better. And I agree that if we're all cogs then a cog that buys into the corpospeak is going to be preferred over a cog that doesn't, if I understand you, you are basically competing for who has most allegience to the mission? Incentivizing allegiance to the mission?
Atian_1
10mo ago
If you haven't tried, what might help is trying one or two days of a really high-fiber diet, where you eat in one day include the following: 3-4 fruits, whole grains only, 2 cans of beans, and a carrot. That gives you about 60 grams of fiber right there, not sure what your diet currently looks like fiber wise. But if things haven't been working for 2 weeks shocking the system with a sudden jump in fiber might help. Could add another can of beans for another 15 grams of fiber. Not sure if this is the right strategy for you though but it could be something to try.
Atian_1
10mo ago
How much of an issue is heavy metal contamination of supplements? My family and I eat a large amount of supplements and plant protein powders. I have a lot of tendonitis and sleep problems. (Skipping the supplements hasn't seemed to change anything, but I'm not sure if years of taking them has done semi-permanent changes. I also have not stopped the plant protein powders yet). My family doesn't have these issues but I'm the only one that eats plant protein powders, so perhaps it's the protein powders and not the supplements that are contaminated. Is it worth testing for heavy metals? Which metals? I'm seeing my endo again this winter and might get them to do these tests for me.
Atian_1
10mo ago
Just want to tell you you're not alone, I have done many of the same things (dimming the laptop screen a lot to make it hard to read even though I'm literally just using it to take notes in class, video game hiding despite not being anything weird or wrong). These are weird things to do I think, and I have done them, although perhaps I'm different than you in that I have not done them as much with family, as I tend to let this "guard" down once I really get to know someone/they are family. I agree it's a bit of a liability, so I am curious what people say in the comments regarding how to get past it. Keep in mind I am only in my early 20s and only recently has it occurred to me this is something that is a problem, so don't feel bad that I haven't moved past it yet, and probably only recently you have really started to consider this a liability. I believe it can be moved past, let's see what people suggest.
Pretty sure English lit majors do indeed have to take some kind of basic math classes at all US schools, the kind that would involve expanding (1+s)^2 for example. I think English lit majors are typically forced to do possibly up to Calc 1 or some kind of "calculus for liberal arts" type course, nothing more. So to answer that question of yours, I do not think the % of kids who are going into a subject where they need some math who are in remedial math is anywhere near 12.5%, probably more like 1% or less. Everyone I've met who is doing some kind of mathematical major is not in remedial math. But maybe there are a good amount, say a 12-15% or maybe even a bit more who start at Pre-Calculus instead of Calc 1 for an engineering program for example, but I wouldn't call that remedial math, they're not starting at high school algebra I. I have heard that in Europe mathematical majors tend to already have calc sequence and linear algebra finished coming into university, not sure if this is true. In the USA at least, there are a decent number of accelerated students that are coming into freshman year ready for courses that come beyond calc 3/lin alg.
Atian_1
1yr ago
This is true in my experience. I know anti-vaxxers pre-covid. They were largely new-age types, very liberal before woke was a thing, and hypochondriacs/against letting their children play outside much. I will say they were anti-doctor visits/checkups though. But like the OP said maybe not if there was something really serious like asthma.
The new post-covid antivaxxers are conservative folk that probably do let their kids play outside/in the dirt more than the average "pro"-vaxxer, but I don't think these are in any studies yet.
Thank you for sharing and for the encouragement. I do have social anxiety as well actually, I hadn't considered whether or not I'm on the spectrum until now, although if good coordination removes you from that I guess I wouldn't be. I definitely sympathize with keeping the peace among sensitive friends!
I ended up deleting my other post and shortening it because I thought it was too long but I appreciate you reading through it. Interesting suggestion regarding the fan for sleeping, perhaps I will try that. I bought this book that I have yet to read called the effortless sleep method that seems promising, we'll see what it says. My main issue with the abuse thought is that I basically hallucinated an angry stranger with context/framing that I shouldn't really have been able to know as a 3 year old, but also the framing wasn't too outrageous/overtly sexual, so who knows if I somehow overheard something in media accidentally, felt some kind of shame about what I was doing subconsciously, that got incorporated into a hallucination, that's the only nice explanation I can think of. But it is reassuring that at least the masturbation itself isn't too weird at that age.
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