aiislove
2yr ago
This is classic victim mentality. We make up stories to ourselves about what we've been through. Reimagine the perceived injustices you've experienced as times when you've grown or learned to make them strengths rather than weaknesses. If you're here you're probably smart enough to twist anything you've been through into a bad experience, but you could just as easily shift your perception of these things into positive experiences. It may seem like it doesn't matter but you're always going to be happier if you shift your beliefs to a positive view of events rather than a negative one. And most of the time there is no objective truth to the matter so you might as well choose the more theoretically positive one for yourself.
I don't know if that makes sense, but basically stop painting yourself as a victim in your own mind and view your suffering as empowering rather than defeating and you'll be much happier and confident and effective as a person.
aiislove
2yr ago
You're not exactly wrong but I would sort of add that being "attractive" also involves projecting "confidence" and "power." You can be super hot but if you look like you hate yourself it won't matter, and if you look powerless you also won't be attractive. Lots of confidence can more than make up for lack of physical attractiveness.
aiislove
2yr ago
You're right that there are so many conflicting opinions about dating out there. I think it's because lots of people want different things and have different experiences with dating so what works in one situation doesn't work in another. I have been single forever so have lots of experience dating and I can tell you that the most important thing is to be honest, be realistic with yourself about what you want. If you aren't really into someone, don't string them along, and don't pursue someone you think is really out of your league either because you won't be confident and secure enough in the relationship to make it work. Really think about what you want out of a relationship, no matter what that is, and then pursue people who can give you that, because then you'll be acting in accordance with what you really want. For example I used to spend a lot of time with men that I was attracted to in theory and enjoyed being with them but they weren't really what I was looking for in a partner so the relationships never went anywhere. Don't be afraid to pursue the people you actually want, I used to avoid this because I didn't want them to reject me, but more often than not now I'm not rejected by the guys I like and if they reject me then I can simply move on and look for someone else I who fits what I'm looking for.
Also working on self improvement and increasing self esteem is huge, dating was the worst when I hated myself because I also hated anyone who liked me, so do everything you can to fix your issues and treat yourself kindly and remember that you don't have to be perfect, just kind to your partner and yourself
aiislove
2yr ago
Eh, I think you could also chalk it up to the ten million lifestyle changes that come with having more money. When I was super broke I had terrible skin because I was constantly stressed out and didn't have a regular schedule, now that I have a lot more money I use the same few products all the time and am really consistent with my skincare routine and have significantly better skin than when I was younger and broke, though I don't use any more expensive products.
there's a lot of competition in the market and women do discuss skin care a fair amount.
Yeah, but the competition really serves to obscure and obfuscate the market (for example the constantly shifting product selection is completely ridiculous) and the quality of discussion on skincare is basically at the same level of like horoscope talk in the majority of cases, even in extremely niche reddit skincare forums I would take most of the advice with a huge grain of salt
aiislove
2yr ago
The eye adjusts to certain color combinations. Colors that looked right in the 80s look wrong today and vice versa. This also goes for silhouette. The more something "wrong" is repeated the more it begins to look "right" until it becomes "passé" (unless it never reaches that stage, different things work in different cycles and on different timelines. Fashion is extremely complicated and trying to explain it like it's math is like dancing about architecture.)
aiislove
2yr ago
I am really cheap. I hate to waste money. However I'm happy to spend small amounts of money that tangibly improve my life. What are some small things that you spend money on (say, under $10 USD per month- or $20 if you really have to splurge) that you think are the most worth it?
France is so globohomo that gay men told me when I was there, that there are no gay bars anymore (outside of Paris) because it's depassé so all the gays go to straight bars. I assume that means they're so integrated into mainstream society that the distinction between gay and straight bars just doesn't exist. As a gay man this sounds horrible because I don't want to be rejected by 90% of the men at a straight bar and I don't want to just hit on the obviously homosexual ones.
And regarding Japan, have you watched the NHK lately? Their news is more globohomo than NPR half the time (though I suspect it's more reflective of an attempt at fawning to the international media/pleasing Americans as propaganda than any actual reflection of the beliefs of the people of Japan). Their traditional culture does seem like a strong defense against globohomo however, I would broadly say that South Korea feels more globohomo than Japan though it's hard to say how much of that is due to SK's much more recent modernization than Japan's. Japan feels more mid-20th century while SK feels more 21st century, so SK has more globohomo while Japan has more of a mid 20th century hippie Beatles energy (still!).
Germany has gone so globohomo because of a very German obsession with not appearing to align with Nazism and don't seem to have the desire to dream up anything other than the American globohomo enterprise. The UK actually feels less globohomo to me as the culture is so pessimistic that they don't take globohomo very seriously and just seem to put up with whatever's going on in a passive way. I haven't been to Australia at all or Canada very much so I can't comment on the globohomo invasion of these places.
Edit: After re-reading your comment I do actually agree with what you said, I formulated my response as a knee-jerk reaction to the idea that France and Japan aren't globohomo at all (which isn't what you said.) So excuse me. I do agree that strong local cultures are a bulwark against globohomo.
aiislove
2yr ago
I did take that into consideration as well, I was in Japan for three months and lived in a random Tokyo suburb but traveled to small towns while I was there and I've been to Japan two other times before covid also and generally avoid touristy places like the plague and I'm basing my observations on all that, not as a random tourist who flew to tokyo for 2 weeks and took the shinkansen to Kyoto and back
aiislove
2yr ago
Your connection of social anxiety with cringe/fail stuff and narcissism rings true to me. I can't stand cringe comedy like Nathan for You and have been working through my social anxiety which I think stems from narcissism, I haven't watched cringe stuff lately but I'm guessing as I develop my empathy toward others I'll have an easier time with cringe stuff (since I will internalize the other person's pain much less and instead empathize with them and forgive myself more as well)
aiislove
2yr ago
Makeup and skincare products age your face and give you acne and bad skin to make you buy more makeup and skincare products.
I mean, if they don't, the industry is leaving money on the table.
I was staying in a suburb of Tokyo but have been as far south as Hiroshima and as far north as a few hours north of Tokyo by train. I've visited small towns and big ones, there are definitely more foreigners in Tokyo and Kyoto but there are still a lot outside the major cities too.
This page claims that most of the foreigners who live in Japan are Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Filipino, combined making up 77% of all foreigners in Japan. So these are basically "invisible" minorities to me as I can't really quickly identify those ethnicities apart from Japanese (unless I hear them talk or they're like, obnoxiously stereotypically nouveau riche Chinese or particularly non-Asian looking Filipino) which means that only (less than) 1.771 percent of the Japanese population is a visible minority to me and it seems impossible. I saw tons of Indians/South Asians followed by tons of whites and a fair number of blacks (mostly appearing to be from rich western countries like the US though also- Kenyans or Nigerians or wherever the guys at the bars in Kabukicho are from.) I don't know how I can account for tourism- I'm guessing if even as much as 80% of the white and black people I saw were there as tourists it still leaves tons of people who live there full time. I doubt most of the Indians/SA people I saw were just tourists because many of them work at convenience stores and there are tons and tons of Indian, Nepalese and Bengladeshi restaurants.
Granted I still hear small children in large groups say "gaijin! gaijin!" when I walk past them, I make shop clerks in department stores so uncomfortable that they hide when they see me and shop clerks in small stores will like, cower in the back room when I come in some times so I'm definitely still enough of an outsider as a white man to cause anxieties among the Japanese (and before you think I'm criticizing them in any way or that I'm implying that I expect different treatment- I'm not and I don't! I wish every country was an ethnostate with a rich indigenous culture and I aim to make my presence as unobtrusive as possible) but in no way do I feel like I'm a 1.7 percent rarity as a visible minority in Japan, it has to be closer to like 5 percent (granted I don't know how I could objectively gauge this seeing as I'm white.) I will say that Japan is still far, far more ethnically homogenous than anywhere else on the planet I've been, it's very common that I'm the only non-Asian when I'm on train cars or at restaurants but it never feels like it's the case 98% of the time, it seems closer to like 90 or 95 percent of the time.
aiislove
2yr ago
That's funny, when I was in Japan recently I was thinking there seemed to be way more than 2.3% of the population non-Japanese as officially claimed. I always thought racial statistics in the US seemed pretty accurate though, how do you think they might be different?
aiislove
2yr ago
Oh, I remember hearing about that. I just read about it here. It's really too vague for me to comment on because one person said one thing and another person claimed another, and retail is a weird power dynamic to begin with in all sorts of ways (not to mention the store could just have that bag on hand not to really sell to anyone, combined with the sales person perhaps not knowing who Oprah was), and besides that the client-customer relationship is different in Europe compared with America- indeed, it may have been out of respect for the customer that the salesperson didn't want to show her such an overpriced item when most people shouldn't really be spending thousands on purses anyway
But yeah, I'd say that was Karen-like behavior from Oprah borne out of a lack of grace and perspective from her position as an American billionaire interacting with a salesperson, for her to weaponize her status in that way is weird and also self serving for her in that she tried to garner sympathy from it
aiislove
2yr ago
at heart a Karen is someone who demands that entry-level workers acknowledge her as a social superior
The issue is that Karens don't realize themselves as social superiors and see themselves as socially inferior to entry level workers. No one who truly feels themselves above someone else treats them poorly, that's absurd and insane. Karens emerged because the social roles have become so blurred in modern America that no one realizes they are above the minimum wage employee, hence the entire phenomenon of Karens acting ridiculously.
Oprah Winfrey is a total Karen.
I don't know what you are referring to specifically with her but if you perceive her as a Karen in some instance I presume it's because she lacked the grace or perspective to acknowledge her social superiority as well
aiislove
2yr ago
centraco
What does centraco mean? Central American? I just tried googling it and couldn't find anything, was it a typo?
aiislove
2yr ago
I hate it, it's hideous. It's kind of degrading to look at because he has so much fuck you money that he doesn't even bother to give the rest of us something pretty to look at. I'm guessing the location was exactly what he wanted or something and he has so many things already that he doesn't care about aesthetics. It also pattern matches to the irritating impulse many rich leftist Americans have where they feel so guilty about their money that they think to flaunt it would enrage the proles when in reality, not flaunting it is even worse (a la Marie Antoinette's peasant dresses, many of the people of France in the late 18th century weren't mad that she was a queen flaunting her wealth, they were angry that she dressed like a peasant in her spare time)
aiislove
2yr ago
I like these. You say we can't prove which parts of accepted history are fiction, but do you have any specific examples you believe are off base?
aiislove
2yr ago
Which continent do you live on? I've convinced myself that elevator door close buttons only work about 10% of the time in North America and the rest of the world but about 90% of the time in East Asia. Maybe I'm just more inclined to follow rules and expect things to work in East Asia though.
aiislove
2yr ago
Dude you are doing this all wrong. You don't need to be super hot or perfect or whatever you're trying to do. You need to be nice to yourself, accept yourself with all the flaws you have, understand that you're doing your best and nobody's perfect, stop comparing yourself to others. Just be happy with who you are. Otherwise you are playing an impossible game that leads only to misery.
Do whatever you have to do to change your mindset, don't do whatever you have to do to chase perfection or charisma or whatever. You sound insufferable because you can't accept the good parts of yourself so if someone admired any of your qualities, you're so hard on yourself that you'll repulse anyone who wants to show affection toward you. This is a horrible way to live, for yourself and for the people around you, so you owe it to yourself and others to get your shit together, show kindness and gratefulness toward yourself and those around you and stop comparing yourself to anyone you think is better off than you. They're probably going through all sorts of horrors that you can't see, just like you are.
aiislove
2yr ago
W David Marx is great, I used to read his blog neomarxisme years ago. I didn't realize he had a new book out. Thanks for posting.
aiislove
2yr ago
Firstly, I was taken aback by how fair Thai people tend to be. I thought they'd be swarthier, akin to Malaysians or Indonesians, but quite a large fraction could easily pass as Caucasian if not for their facial features. The ones who are really tanned seem to be people who work out under the sun, having skin tones I expect.
This is due to large Chinese immigration (especially in the north) as well as fairer skin being seen as higher class especially among women who generally cover their skin and wear sunscreen to keep from tanning.
Secondly, they're piss poor at speaking English.
I found everyone to speak pretty good english when I was there. It's much easier to get around in Thailand knowing no Thai than it is to get around France knowing no French or Japan knowing no Japanese.
Thailand is really clean. [...] The roads are in great condition
...I can't agree but I've never been to India so my comparisons are mostly with first world countries
But the most perplexing thing is the sheer number of pickup trucks here.
I was surprised by this too, specifically the giant US style trucks
Is there something about the Asian physiognomy that makes it easier for them to pass?
Based on nothing but my own observations, there is less sexual divergence in the phenotypes between East and SE Asian men and women than between men and women in other groups of people.
aiislove
2yr ago
You mentioning self driving cars in contrast to mass shooting just gave me a dystopian vision of a future where you could have as many guns as you wanted but they were all equipped with an AI technology, where every gun would be programmed to identify the target as being an aggressive threat or not before being shot at. Raises many ethical and philosophical questions, might be good for a sci fi story. Has anyone ever gone down this line of thinking before?
I'd be against this technology on broadly libertarian grounds and in fear that the government or someone else could just reprogram the guns to stop working altogether or not work against cops/military personnel, and besides that in the real world we'd have the old regular guns around anyway so all the "bad guys" would have the pre-AI guns or jailbreak the new ones and we'd run into the same problems as before anyway
aiislove
2yr ago
Is the irony that this proves their point? I don't see the alt right as seeing themselves as weak, if anything they see themselves as victims of more aggressive populations but maybe I'm conflating the alt right with the rural whites I know personally
aiislove
2yr ago
I'm not super familiar with the alt right but I don't know if your characterization is what I'd agree with... Speaking as a white american with lots of red tribe relatives (not alt right, I know, so maybe it's not the same) but basically they're all scared and know they're weak compared with black and brown people (don't know how else to say it), their ideology is not "if you're small and weak suck it up" but rather "I know I'm small and weak and so will try to make myself more able to defend myself and try to stop being as small and weak so I buy guns and defend myself and hopefully become more powerful than minorities even though if we were all naked in the forest my family and I would be fucking screwed"
I'm guessing the alt right operates on this same idea on some level.
Mmmm ok. If your house is on fire then get out of the house. Once you're safe, don't wallow in sadness and self pity and beat yourself up because your house burned down, even if it was because you left your oven on. Acknowledge that it was your fault but that you didn't mean to do it, forgive yourself and move on, believing that you won't make such a mistake in the future. My whole point is that even when bad things happen to you, you can choose to view the events in any light you want. You can empower yourself by making it a positive learning experience, or you can disempower yourself and wallow in misery by telling yourself you're a victim of terrible tragedies. This is your choice, the former leads to greater happiness and satisfaction and the latter leads to self pity and doubt.
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