silk
10mo ago
Hey folks, I've always had the problem of talking too much and too fast in almost any situation/interaction.
I'm also talkative and like talking. In that talking I do belabour a point sometimes adding a lot more info and context and belabor a point and because of that I tend to try to talk faster so I don't take too much time. Been a thing with me since a kid where I will much rather provide more info than less so there's less of a chance the information I'm conveying has a chance of being misinterpreted.
I'd say that just because I talk a lot doesn't mean I'm a bad listener. I'm actually not a bad listener. I know how to ask engaging questions that get people to get into points of their own. I will engage with those points, ask continuing questions, try to get them to talk more about themselves, the story, issue, point, ect.
I have genuine interest in the thoughts, stories, and experiences of other people. I can be a lot, but socially most people are generally fine with me? My intensity is not at a level that has caused serious issues I guess, but that's because over the years knowing this about myself I will recognize when I've taken up too much oxygen and switch to being more normal and guiding the convo to other people's perspectives/ect.
To get at the point of this entire essay. I'd like change this behavior. I don't like being the guy who talks too much or talks too fast. I understand intellectually that being particular about the words we use, the way I convey it and being slow and steady can actually convey more structured, understandable and engaging flows of information and conversation than my somewhat stream of consciousness rants.
Then there's the factor that like many I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago after failing out of college and was about to lose out of my job unable to actually get to doing work. That's helped my executive function "enough", in that I no longer will lay in bed for days at time doing nothing at all but reading books and watching youtube/movies/tv.
Dextroamphetamine has had positive impact on my life and help me able to function somewhat, but being a stimulant it's made my normal behavior with talking too much and talking too quickly go into overdrive.
Though people understand me and they don't "mind" I think the fast speed and verbosity makes me sound more scatterbrained than I'd like and turns some people off and most of all I don't actually like it.
This isn't a life ruining characterstic, but its one I'm not a fan of and I'd like to correct but I'm not sure how to. If I'm sober, calm, collected and reflective I can remember all of this, but toss me into a social situation the mix of wanting to talk to people, wanting to share information, the fun of mingling, a slight nervousness, ect all just kind of make me forget and go into autopilot.
I don't like this aspect of me, but its one of those things I'm not sure on how to stop, change or correct. If anyone has suggestions on ways I could create habits, reminders, books, ect that can help me with this issue I would greatly appreciate it.
I do apologize for not being able to convey this in a more succinct and straightforward manner. (This "behavior" also extends to my internet commenting and writing stuff if it wasn't obvious)
Are there any good resources to reference on how to have good straight sex?
I really like this girl, but my previous sexual encounters were three one night stands in undergrad that I remember little from.
We've had sex twice, it's been terrible and it's mostly been me. I really don't know how or what to do tbh. I don't want to admit my complete ignorance and I can tell it's not working for her. In that despite everything else being great, the relationship is going to be over if we can't fix this. Like everything else being so great is why she's been willing to continue this despite the bad sex.
Like I could just let this run it's course and take these lessons to the next relationship or something, but I genuinely really, really, really like this girl and I want to at least reach out for advice of some sort in the off chance some advice can make it not terrible and we can actually possibly make this work.
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