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Man, I don't know how other people react to these sorts of things, but my reaction certainly isn't anything remorseful or kind. While I am not responsible for either the good or evil deeds of my ancestors and I know that well intellectually, my gut response to someone speaking to me this way is that I'm glad my ancestors won and theirs lost. If the best way someone can think about their ancestors is thinking of their them hanging around my property being spiteful ghosts, it's no wonder that they couldn't do any better during their lifetimes.
Of course, as I think you imply later when speaking of the kind relationship your mother has with her interlocutor, that kind of spiteful response isn't good and isn't healthy either. These identitarian sentiments that dredge up centuries old wrongs and treat them as contemporary are absolute poison to discourse. The people telling others to dwell on them, to hold this sense of grievance dear to their spirit are undoing decades of progress towards healing and camaraderie.
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