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Wellness Wednesday for June 18, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Hard to say much without specific examples. But if this is an AFAB person and she's saying she feels cared for but not romanced, or seems appreciative but also a little disappointed, then possible issues could be

  • The care feels dispassionate, needs more personal attention (when you do nice things, do they match her needs/ do they show you've been listening? do you confidently express delight in things you find attractive in her face or body, mind or mannerisms specifically? Is it clear you're a man in love with a high-quality lady, not just some milquetoast people-pleaser who would do this for anyone?)
  • The care feels low-value because you're so grateful, so there's no challenge or chase involved for her (obviously don't play hard-to-get like a '90s romcom, but if you clearly have various joyful, prosocial pursuits you're invested in in addition to her, it will establish that your time is valuable, and she'll be more appreciative when you choose her over those other options. Don't neglect the great stuff elsewhere in your life, is what I'm saying.)
  • Maybe you're actually doing fine but the long-distance is killing the momentum, so she's poking around at random to try to reignite things
  • Maybe you're doing fine and she's just kind of an unstable person as people said below, or things have just run their course without either of you realizing it