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Yup, when people talk about this, I always want to be fair to both sexes.
Yes, for a man, going out to a bar, hitting on a bunch of women, and possibly after spending way too much money, going home to somebody you're moderately attracted too, only for her to either not talk to you again and/or become super clingy seems worse than playing AAAA video games for a few hours, then watching HQ porn w/ amateurs that look better than any woman you could ever have to get off.
OTOH, for a woman, getting hit on by weirdos, unattractive guys, and aggressive assholes, all to lead to a situation where you maybe go to bed to a guy who lasts for a little time in bed and/or tries to push you to do things you're uncomfortable with/dangerous, and then you have to worry about a stalker or worse seems worse than watching a Hallmark Holiday Movie marathon, then reading Amazon Kindle erotic fiction you get via Kindle Unlimited to get off via your vibrator.
The interesting thing is that both pornographic and romantic fiction fantasies seem to have large quantities of what I shall vaguely describe as "unhealthy" connections: adultery/cheating, coercion, jealousy etc.
My suspicion would be that it is desire for excitement + lack of hope. Not all exciting situations are unhealthy, but the exciting situations that are possible when people have a lack of hope in pleasant eroticism are unhealthy. It's probably unfair to compare Madame Bovary with the Song of Songs, but they represent two very different images of the possibilities of sexual experience. And I grant that what is regarded as "unhealthy" is culturally specific, e.g. Odysseus's infidelity in The Odyssey does not seem to have been regarded by its creators as a problem (morally, as opposed to prudentially - he's still missing out on the deepest satisfaction, which would be with Penelope) whereas Penelope's fidelity is clearly supposed to be admirable and her reunification with Odysseus is an example of healthy erotic fulfillment for her.
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