Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.
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Notes -
Here's my take, feel free to disregard though.
For spending the rest of your lives together, living closer seems to me like an absolute mandatory requirement. Talk about the emotional costs of the current arrangement. Hopefully you can both get on the same page about this. I think the instinct to wait a bit for the conversation is a good one. When you do have it, though, I think there should be at least a little sense of urgency. Ask good questions.
Frame the conversation. Moving closer, or ideally in together, will require sacrifices and compromises. Just say it like that: we're going to have to make some sacrifices and tradeoffs to make this thing happen and invest in our future, so what, concretely, would you be willing to sacrifice to make it happen? Ask her for if not specifics, then at least the sketch of it. Give her time to ponder if needed. And volunteer some things that you yourself would sacrifice.
On a practical note, if you do move, exposure. Consider slowly easing in to the new living arrangement if possible, rather than make it a giant and abrupt move. Assuming you find a place, practice going shopping nearby, visiting restaurants, taking busses. Go together and alone. Figure out or try to preview some of the social changes that might happen. At least as far as I'm aware, the idea is usually to convince your brain and subconscious that the change is safe. Don't just argue with it, show it the safety. I don't want to oversell this armchair psycho though, because it seems you already have a therapist. Although, it may be worth trying a different one? Sometimes a slightly different personality or therapeutic approach can be helpful.
No one is actually a mind-reader, even in long-term stable and fulfilling relationships. Explore this and see if you can find where this might be the case, because everyone acts like they are anyways. Is her perception of what your are feeling accurate? Is your perception of what she is feeling accurate? Obviously, at least in some major ways, the second is not true. I'm sure the first also might not be super true. Make things a little more explicit, which circles back to my "ask good questions". This is where therapy-like resources can be helpful. I hesitate to frame it that way, but there are plenty of good resources that can really help to make those big conversations go better. There are various "lists of questions" that can be good: stuff like "what does a win-win look like", "what's your ideal outcome and what values of yours drive that", "how can we best support each other in the decision process", etc. Feelings > facts, honestly. The nitty-gritty can come later once you're closer to the same page. A staggering number of relationship issues stem from communication challenges.
Try to both make an effort to be honest about how strongly you feel about stuff. Hell, even put a number to it if you must. The temptation is to sugar-coat the feelings, but long-term that's not very effective. The feelings come out eventually.
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