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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   1818 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 9, 2025

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I am currently in a relationship with someone who thinks like your girlfriend - doesn't drive, likes the city, cannot even consider moving to somewhere with slightly worse public transport (if you're familiar with Toronto at all, she described Etobicoke as the "middle of nowhere").

If I tried to move us out to even the suburbs - we're splitting up. It would end up in one of two ways: either I can't convince her, and it's over, or I do, and she resents me.

Luckily we're on the same page about this - I also don't want to leave the city core. And maybe public transport is the most salient issue, but there are so many differences between living in a major metro vs even a suburb/small metro that she will be able to keep coming up with excuses.

Because the excuses aren't the real reason - she wants to live in the city. Even if that means living in a grungy, small walkup. Even if the finances aren't that good. ...Even if her boyfriend is hours away.

You've got options:

  1. Status quo
    • you know this isn't a real option, either the relationship moves forward or it dies
  2. Figure out how you can deal with the city, and move in together there
    • you have to figure out how to deal with your PTSD around moving
    • you have to figure out what you can afford to buy, together
    • or you have to rent, and accept that there may be more moves
    • you have to do this, without resentment.
  3. Break up.

In the past... I have chosen option 1. (2) or (3) are both terrifying, but definitely, definitely better.

Etobicoke is the middle of nowhere and I'll die on that hill

To one up you, my girlfriend once called Dovercourt "some random suburban street" in a conversation shortly after moving here, I was very proud, and slightly horrified.

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