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Friday Fun Thread for December 19, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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The trial judge rejects the defendant's argument. In this case, defendant actively engaged in a fistfight with the officers, showing that he indeed was willing to carry out his threats to harm them. The trial judge imposes a total sentence of four years (with the possibility of parole after two years) for the two threats. The appeals panel affirms.

This creeps me out. The idea that he doesn't get in trouble at all for attacking people (which he did), but he does get in trouble for "terroristic threats" (I would not consider threats against a specific person to be "terroristic"), and the guilt is proven by the fact that he did attack people (even though he was acquitted of this).

Is this simply that the criteria for "assault" are strict and he didn't quite meet all the criteria? Because what this looks like to me is an ad-hoc "we think he should get a little bit of jail time but not a lot, so let's just convict him of something that carries a smaller penalty than assault." and abusing the law to get that outcome. Because in what world do you prioritize punishing words over actions?

This reminds me of this story where a streamer was harassing somebody in public, and the person he was harassing drew a firearm and shot him (non-lethally).

The person who took the shot was found not guilty of "malicious wounding," but he was found guilty of unlawfully discharging a firearm in public.

In other words, the jury found that it was legal for the bullet he shot to hit the guy that he shot, but it was not legal for him to shoot the bullet in the first place.

Presumably, this means that the law expects you to teleport the bullet from your gun into your target without firing it or otherwise having it occupy the intervening space.

I suspect that if you look, the law is full of all sorts of cases like this.

The jury found that it was legal for the bullet he shot to hit the guy that he shot, but it was not legal for him to shoot the bullet in the first place.

Presumably, this means that the law expects you to teleport the bullet from your gun into your target without firing it or otherwise having it occupy the intervening space.

I think a better inference is that (1) the jury found the wounding justified but the method of wounding unjustified, so (2) in a situation where a self-defense justification is dubious, the law expects you to use a knife or your fists rather than endangering others by firing a gun (or maybe to just reveal the gun, but not actually fire it until the self-defense justification becomes less dubious).

Relevant laws:

Unfortunately, "for legal and security reasons" judicial documents other than appellate decisions are not open for electronic perusal in Pennsylvania, so I can't do much further investigation.

Is this simply that the criteria for "assault" are strict and he didn't quite meet all the criteria?

Pennsylvania's definition of "assault" does not seem particularly strict.