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I think you're on to something here. I am very invested in my young child's life and I really enjoy it. I chose this. However, I totally get that I'm the minority, especially as a man. It did not appeal at all until I got older and more established.
A good friend had twins when he was 20 and it gobbled up his life. But looking back, that was for the best because now his kids are independent and he's young enough to enjoy his freedom while also having all of the benefit of having a family. Here I am, relatively old and established, but I won't be having multiple children because I'm just too old to add another one every 2 years.
The cultural narratives around having kids are not appealing. The expectation is that you need to invest everything you've got into your kids, so either don't do it or do it when you're older and have your own shit sorted out. There's not much push to just have some kids when you're younger. And when you see your friends who do have kids young just disappear and drop out of their social life, it makes the whole prospect seem terrible, especially when you're young and invested in your own plans and projects.
This goes both ways, though. If you’re in a high-fertility (sub-) culture, the young families start having their own separate social lives centered around the children, while the few single adults just sort of disappear and drift away.
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