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Notes -
A lot of new builds around here just have a pile of individual, gender-neutral cubicles accessible from a hallway, which I find to be great (but tbf we have a fair amount of space -- it's definitely less compact, and I'm sure there are other concerns, although whether you think forcing men to share in female-toilet-queues instead of having an express lane is undoubtedly its own culture war in the wings).
I share your experience with bathrooms. I just use the one where I get fewer (in fact no) weird looks. I default to the separate gender-neutral disabled bathroom if it's available, and hope I don't inconvenience any disabled people too much. Otherwise I've had nothing but good experiences using the women's bathrooms, including chatting with other people in the queue about the movie we just got out of or whatever. Hopefully people aren't secretly bothered. Changing rooms are a different story and way more difficult to figure out; so far I just avoid any activities that involve changing in public.
That said I do see the concerns around breaking down norms around biologically male people using women's bathrooms. It presents a lot of opportunities for bad actors.
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