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Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 29, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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I see high dose or regular usage of psychedelics as carrying an unavoidable risk of both causing a sudden snap and also a risk of "opening" your mind to a degree that I'd rather prefer not to open, mostly due to the risk of my brain falling out.

No argument there. I toyed with the idea of taking psychedelics but didn't because I've been blessed with a fairly good brain and it's about the only advantage I've got, plus looking at most shroom-takers gives the impression that most psychedelics seem to produce the experience of profundity without the real thing. That said, I don't get the impression that it's a one-way slippery slide to madness for most people, more "Pacifist gets in a couple of fights and learns they aren't much fun but there are worse things and gets a bit of confidence".

I don't want to relitigate the usual atheism-religion debates, but if you want to explain what made you change your mind, I'm genuinely curious and want to hear it out.

My thoughts on religion will disappoint you, I suspect. Broadly, I was working in a prestigious research job & field in my mid-twenties and a few crises of faith came to a head simultaneously:

  • I had been a globalist, pro-immigration, feminist and pro-LGBT (by my standard) Gray Triber. The experience of deindustrialisation, bake-the-cake-bigot LGBT activism, white-male-tears feminism and the immediately-pre-Brexit political environment made it clear to me that I had been very wrong about where these movements were going and about the social and economic consequences of the actions I had supported.
  • Without going into too much detail about where I was and what I was doing, I had a good chance to come into contact with some of the brightest minds in the country, including several leading Rationalists/Transhumanists, and they were kooky as hell. One told me breathlessly that the universe was made of math. Not 'described by', literally made from. Many others were simulationists. There was also a consensus that we were not conscious and that free will did not exist, which charitably did not seem true from my personal experience, and also that the proper goal of all our work was to recreate the world such that all carnivores could be replaced by herbivores, thus ending all suffering. Without exception, they regarded themselves as cold, clear-eyed realists, but the only genuine non-kooks were the ones who just downloaded the latest Good Person memes directly into their brain and never thought at all. In short, it seemed clear to me that Rationalism and Transhumanism had very little to do with rational thought as I defined it.
  • Research, especially in more rigorous fields, is not like other kinds of work. Over and over and over again you have the experience of believing something about the world, coming up with an experiment that you really believe from the bottom of your heart should work, and finding out that you were wrong and the world just isn't what you thought it is. You also get to see your professors, the top people in their fields, be wildly wrong and deluded and totally unable to see it. You also also get to see and experience first hand how much of 'The Science' is the result of a student being told by a delusional professor that they need to prove X or the funding will dry up, and doing whatever they can to prove X while still being able to sleep at night.
  • I studied moral philosophies, mostly Stoicism and Existentialism, and found them mostly helpful in terms of describing 'how' to live but with a vast chasm where the 'why' was. "Because I choose to," is a deepity. When you are actually looking for an answer, there's nothing there except childish just-so stories for Stoicism and literally nothing for Existentialism.

In short, all of the old gods I had worshiped were broadly dismantled in front of my eyes. I want to be clear here: I am not saying that meeting top Rationalists and finding they were nutters proves that all Rationalists are, or that there is nothing good in Rationality. Nor am I now unable to believe anything published in a scientific paper, or any such nonsense.

But.

I was no longer able to treat the things I had believed as being obviously true. Looking at them from the outside, as instantiated in people I didn't much like, tracing them through the historical record, seeing why people came to believe them, it was much easier to see that (in my opinion) they were largely self-coherent belief structures that had become accepted for often-contingent reasons and sometimes had fairly clearly delineated bounds. For example, empirical science is definitionally limited to the material world, and more practically its effectiveness seems to be limited to broadly the 'hard' sciences where observations made about the system don't affect the system (excluding things like social sciences) and you can design valid small experiments without excluding the vast majority of relevant factors (so big chunks of stuff like nutrition, behaviour, politics, economics etc. are also out).

I read some theoretical physics, I read some CS Lewis, I talked to various people and eventually I decided that if there was no one belief system that was obviously correct, then ultimately it came down to my choice. And if it was my choice, I decided to choose a belief system that produced the kind of people and things I liked as opposed to ones who gave me the creeps, might get me a girlfriend with the same kind of preferences, and gave me hope instead of existentialist depression.

In the end I never did 'find God', I just chose to hope that the churchy people were right. In one sense there's nothing rational about it, in another sense looking at my options and choosing the best I could see feels like the most rational thing I could have done. I certainly don't regret it.

It seems to me like a pretty good shot that there's something very broadly God-ish out there - the world came from somewhere and all of the theoretical physics doesn't give any more plausible answer AFAIK - but there's nothing to say that He/She/It is still around or has anything to do with Christianity. I hope that one day God Himself will stop by and give me the good news in person, but otherwise I'm just choosing to have hope and live this way. My experience has been that the Catholics are right and that turning up to Mass every Sunday does a lot more for one's faith than sitting in one's bedroom and fretting. It's just group psychology, yes, but what could be more rational than using psychology to hack your way into a happier and more pro-social mindset, when the alternative is IMO worse and doesn't even manage to be rational?

Like I said, you'll probably find this disappointing. There's not really an argument there, let alone hard apologetics. (Most but not all apologetics is pretty terrible and written to make believers feel smug and clever. I'm going to classes for Confirmation now and they're awful.) But that's what happened, as well as I can write it.