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It's not about self improvement. You're thinking about the man only.
The woman's concept of pair bonding is choice. Choice is hers. Anything that interferes with her agency over her choice in men is to be avoided. So a man visibly making himself into something she would choose, despite this being pretty much normal for most guys who believe they can make themselves more attractive to women is ick and cringe. He should just be something she chooses, not something made into what she chooses, because that implies that he had control and agency over her choice.
Compare and contrast "falling" in love; the key is falling. They want to fall, not grow into love.
I don't think there's any conflict with choice and self improvement here? Men self improving makes them a more appealing choice. The woman is still choosing, but individual men can make themselves more or less better options.
There's also the broader point that people aren't stable. They're almost always growing or degrading one way or another. Being the kind of guy that works hard and goes to the gym will make you wealthy and hot.
Correct, there's no conflict here, but apply the same thing to a man "self improving" by practicing PUA game and suddenly people throw a fit.
...which makes sense, because the PUA/Game materials are overwhelmingly not about self-improvement, betterment, wellbeing or personal growth as much as grimoires teaching manipulation, deceit, and an approach of smoke and mirrors to get up the skirts (or down the pants, for Americans) of women.
I remember Neil Strauss's book back in the day had its share of how to be "your best self" segments (it was very readable) but his original strain of PUA seems to have been subsumed by the more opportunistic, commodified variety schooling young men to use, for lack of a better word, trickery. Guys who buy into that schtick (literally spending money) deserve a certain amount of sympathy, but then feeling pity for them is the aphrodisiacal equivalent of tarring them with feces.
I don't see too much difference. Improving one's ability to manipulate others is a life skill I consider near critical for existence in the modern era. There are entire fields of industry built off the ability to deceive their customers and smoke and mirrors. How these abilities are applied, on the other hand, I'm with you.
Well, there's the Dale Carnegie how to win friends and influence people, and then there's the Machiavellian exploitation of others for one's own benefit, or to get one's rocks off. I see a difference.
Carnegie wasn't an altruist, he was a sales coach. PUA in turn was derived from the same lineage of sales psychology, the difference is instead of selling magazine subscriptions to housewives you're pitching yourself to single women (while pitching your coaching to single men).
They both made the point of self improvement being an effective means of increasing the appeal of what you're selling but their focus was on the psychology of selling because advice on health, education and fashion and so on are better handled by other sources.
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