Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
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Notes -
The government must grant patents, which I wasn't sure was the case. So maybe this has merits. In practice I think you would struggle: the judgement of 'valid against prior art' is somewhat subjective and is also a high bar to clear even when you're getting a normal patent. I suspect the patent office would find it fairly easy to deny your claim. "Design" or 'Marketing' patents are much easier to get.
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