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I got the impression that half of the quirk of Evangelion was basically the director Anno being grossed out by socially stunted anime fan nerds very much in tune with the OP of this thread and trying hard to appeal to them to get a life. IIRC he’s on interview said Shinji’s character was based on what sort of issues must the sort of manchild have who still likes mecha shounen anime past the age of 12. The sequel movies get into surreal third wall breaking appeals to come on just touch grass and get laid, to the point of mixing in non sequitur live footage of otaku crowds from film screenings.
I've always thought that Shinji was a Holden Caulfield type of character. Unlike the typical YA protagonist, he's a not brave, smart or attractive. Everyone, especially the consumers of shounen anime and YA fiction, imagines himself or herself to have hidden depths, imagines shining like a star in challenging circumstance. But Shinji, when given an opportunity to shape the fate of the world, doesn't deliver. When thrust into danger, he chickens out. When posed a dilemma, he can't choose. When flirted with, he clams up. He sounds pathetic, but he's just a regular thirteen-year-old boy. You can't live vicariously through him, and to many his failings hit too close to home.
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