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Notes -
I think the core conflict here is at what level does self-perception trump others' observed reality?
If someone fancies themselves a genius but struggles with simple maths and spelling, we do not humour them. Their identity as a genius is not to be respected. Other people's labels trump your own. So too with attractiveness. Some professions even have titles that are legally protected in some places -- calling yourself an engineer or a doctor when you aren't one can actually get you in trouble.
It seems to me that the trans issue is almost the only one where self-perception is expected to trump others' observations of you. You can't declare yourself cool, or force a nickname for yourself, or anything like that. But you can declare yourself a woman? I don't buy it. And I don't think trans do either, given their constant insistence on everyone else "validating" them. They know that identities are not really determined by the individual, hence the attempt to force others to perceive them they way they wish to be perceived.
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