This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
You're right that there are so many conflicting opinions about dating out there. I think it's because lots of people want different things and have different experiences with dating so what works in one situation doesn't work in another. I have been single forever so have lots of experience dating and I can tell you that the most important thing is to be honest, be realistic with yourself about what you want. If you aren't really into someone, don't string them along, and don't pursue someone you think is really out of your league either because you won't be confident and secure enough in the relationship to make it work. Really think about what you want out of a relationship, no matter what that is, and then pursue people who can give you that, because then you'll be acting in accordance with what you really want. For example I used to spend a lot of time with men that I was attracted to in theory and enjoyed being with them but they weren't really what I was looking for in a partner so the relationships never went anywhere. Don't be afraid to pursue the people you actually want, I used to avoid this because I didn't want them to reject me, but more often than not now I'm not rejected by the guys I like and if they reject me then I can simply move on and look for someone else I who fits what I'm looking for.
Also working on self improvement and increasing self esteem is huge, dating was the worst when I hated myself because I also hated anyone who liked me, so do everything you can to fix your issues and treat yourself kindly and remember that you don't have to be perfect, just kind to your partner and yourself
More options
Context Copy link