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Wellness Wednesday for February 14, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Just now seeing this and as a fellow non-fighter, I know exactly what you mean about being unable to grasp how people just live with constant fighting. I had girlfriends where we had perpetual stupid acrimony, and it really was miserable. I am apparently not good at all with living with these sorts of things, because my wife and I almost never have any real arguments and I would strongly prefer to keep it that way. I do wonder if the people that fight constantly are just not experiencing the same thing I am or whether they're just miserable pricks for the vast majority of their days on Earth.

Even the few "arguments" we have are more like what you describe, where we both felt like the other person did something hurtful, we don't see eye-to-eye, and it takes a bit to move beyond. The only thing that really works for me is just trying to really hard to extend empathy to try to understand why she's feeling how she is. Even if I still think she's just plain wrong, that at least drops the animosity level to some tolerable range where I can make the effort to make up. This is also only like once every couple years or so, so having about a thousand good days to one bad day ratio makes it easier.