The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Nurse friend came over for tea, says it's wu flu, but she'll come back with a test tomorrow. Seems likely, because it's the same feverish chills I got from the clot booster. At least I don't have COVID and an empty window frame.
Having not seen a single episode of Joe Rogan, what industrial solvents does the motte recommended inhaling/injecting? Don't say ivermectin, because I used the last of it for deworming everyone after a wet spring.
Vitamin D 5x daily, a zinc tablet (not lozenge) after each meal, walk outside in sunlight 30 ft away from everyone 30 min per day, drink 1/2 cup tonic water (w quinine) with the zinc.
Walgreens store brand vitamin D if you can.
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Sunlight, opening windows, changing laundry sheets, stress-lowering music, nature scene YouTube videos.
Then, curcumin and sulforaphane. A reasonable amount of liquorice tea if you’re not taking any medicine that interacts with it, plus some potassium-rich foods as liquorice lowers potassium.
For a flu, you need steady supply of calories (unlike with infections).
Curcumin, sulforaphane, and liquorice all have real evidence to back up their use.
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I'm not sure treatment for a standard case of covid is even particularly called for, unless you're old or immunosuppressed or something, in which case paxlovid, because it does works, with a verified mechanism and RCTs and everything. (vitamin d most likely doesn't, and even if it did, paxlovid is more effective than almost all of vitamin d's very wide range of alleged effects).
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If its Omicron just treat it like a cold.. I wouldn't have know I had omicron were it not for a test, it was quite literally like the common cold. And that seems to be the case for the majority of people/
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Order a long string of fairy lights and swallow them to put the light inside you.
More seriously, just eat like you just had a devastating romantic breakup for a week and you'll be fine.
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I've been in a strange situation for a couple of months, work issues.
I can't do my tasks anymore, it's easy and I've done it very well in the past, so that the company knows what I'm capable of and is asking me what's going on, that maybe I can fix it. Nonetheless, I can't get to do it. To be clear I'm perfectly capable of doing so. I want to switch to software development since the beggining actually, but at first I really enjoyed the work and new enviroment (even though it's remote work) but it's very strange how now I'm neglecting my current responsibilities, I got to the point where I didn't do any work last two days (friday and monday), I didn't respond messages and didn't show up for the morning video call.
Now after all this failings I have no other choice than quitting and just say sorry. But it's a real pity, I wanted to last longer or at least just doing the basics. The company even gave me the opportunity to take a development role after completing a test.
Is this something that other people had experienced? I don't understand it other than me being in complete denial.
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Oh God, I have some sort of sneezy cough cold thing. Never really get sick, so can anyone give advice?
So far I've just been chugging honey and apple cider vinegar (conveniently extracted the honey the day before), taking cough drops, and stuffing nasal spray in every available orifice. Is there anything else that helps?
do jal neti and be careful to not suck in any water through your nostrils. Let it pass and then gently, very gently blow your nose 5 minutes later. Do it with warm water. It is a good way to keep you safe. Also see a doctor asap and see if your stomach's acid is leeching into your throat, happens with me so I stay away from food that aggravates it.
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I swear by levocetrizine, with or without Montelukast.
It's a miracle cure for rhinitis as far as I'm concerned, I took one today for dust allergies, and I've even used it to good effect for covid, it reduces colds to almost imperceptible levels. You can get it OTC and it ought to do wonders!
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Walgreens zinc tablets with each meal. Zinc is an underrated part of the immune system; I wish I’d known about it twenty tears ago.
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Yeah. Keep warm, don't stress yourself, relax if you can. Call in sick if it's an option. Distract yourself until it's over. Wear a hat and scarf, even indoors. Continue drinking hot beverages.
Yhanks. Ha, I've gotta get this window put in, that'll be a good distraction.
Edit: woo, put the last nails in right as the rain came. Time to collapse
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Take supplements a knowledgeable doctor would prescribe and start resistance training.
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I was just looking into this the other week. You probably do not want calcium from dairy sources because the acidity of dairy requires calcium reserves to digest. There’s an article from McGill about this. The acidity/alkalinity of your diet actually affects bone health and calcium reserves for this reason. You want a non-acidic source of calcium. This is also probably why Japan has such good bone health despite low calcium and no dairy.
So the best sources of calcium would be greens like collared greens, which iirc are one of highest for greens. Calcium is increased from cooking. Then you want seeds, especially sesame and chia. Canned fish in bones are awesome. (Be careful with chia seeds as they absorb water and cause blockages).
You don’t want to have more than 400mg of calcium in a two hour period because too much calcium in one sitting can cause problems down the road like atherosclerosis
You also want a ~1.7 ratio of calcium to mag. This is lost on a lot of people. Magnesium is a calcium regulator. Good sources of calcium are greens, cooked or uncooked. Too much calcium will actually displace magnesium.
Of course the easy way is a small dose Mag/Cal supplement that you take 2-3x a day. But, probably the healthiest is nature’s intended vitamin bundle (greens!). So the easiest while still being natural would be chia/sesame seeds in a blender with uncooked collared greens. This gives good Mag+Cal. Make sure to check nutrition label, hulled vs unhylldd habe different Mag levels. Another easy “natural” source would be blackstrap molasses
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You're not going to get much calcium out of cream, anyway. There's yogurt. The other main source is bones, e.g. from canned sardines. After that, you have green vegetables. See here:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK45523/table/ch7.t2/
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I'm a Johnny-come-lately but is there an official Motte approved position regarding the nutrionality of Tide pods?
I think they decided the tide pod diet was "fitness-enhancing at the population level" or something, which sounds pretty healthy to me!
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Going out with my cousins, music and mental illness. How life got better, some perspective close to 4 years after my first time here.
I was out with my cousins last night and got fucking hammered. I smoked up a bit after a few beers and had a super bad trip, just spaced out. I do want to do this again but only after I get a remote job and move to a large town. I lost all motor control lol. It is fun to do this stuff from time to time and it is not very religious of me but as long as I do other things well, Bhagwan should forgive me. We went to an arcade before that and to anyone who says money can't buy you happiness, it can buy you a good amount at an arcade with friends, super cool date idea if you have had sex with the person you are on a date with.
Although this week I want to write about music and more specifically passion pit, about how life is different now than what it was 4 years ago. Recently, the debut EP of Passion Pit titled "Chunk of Change" turned 14 and his most famous album "Gossamer" turned 10, it brought back so many memories that I had to write about it. The details about various tracks is optional so you can just read before the part that says optional and save time lol. It is a one man band run by second gen greek immigrant named Michael Angelakos who looks hot according to my cousin sister lol. The music is super upbeat with really dark lyrics about romance, life, death, immigration, loss of culture, most importantly mental disorders, how they wreck havoc and the feeling of helplessness that comes with seeing how little agency you sometimes have. The love you have for those who still stick by and finally hope for the future.
He suffers from Bipolar which due to its severity led to many manic episodes that he is not proud of. He is keenly aware of how it is destroying his life, he does his best to put on a brave face, hope for a better future but he ends up being sadder because of how bad life gets due to these episodes. It feels very relatable because I know how my own issues (laziness, I hate using the term ADHD as I have more agency than what I would like to admit) is doing the same. Fortunately, life has gotten better but not at the pace at which I would like and failing now means having permanent consequences for my actions forever. People who meet me think of me as some sort of a super extroverted lovable wierdo with some out there political beliefs who seems energetic and happy but everyone here can kinda tell what I really feel on the inside. I have been felling better now and my new prozac prescription may be a part of it.
He has not made new music since 2018 and got divorced with his wife but many said that he is happy with his life now, so here is how an american-greek synth pop music band kinda changed my life a little bit by giving me hope during my lowest phase.
I had been kicked out of high school and did poorly in my high school examinations. I had enrolled myself into cram school and this was my last opportunity as you get to give the JEE (it is the nation wide undergrad engineering entrance test) twice. I got a great score, something quite literally no one expected. There was a brief period during that winter where I would stay up late, take warm showers whilst crying and listen to passion pit. I had a one sided thing for this half russian girl who was not very good looking out of desperation as no girl who went to high school would even check my texts as I was seen as a complete loser for my choices. That half russian chick had blocked me on ig but I would still check her ig just because I was fucked in the head.
Fast forward to 4 years or rather 3.5 to be more precise and I am now at a good program, have friends in uni, have multiple girls I can have sex with despite not having good logistics or even being in a large town. I have a future and everyone who I meet thinks I am some super smart whiz kid for having stood first in my high school exams (I re gave them in 2019 summer). I have internet communities of both anons and people who I know that go out of their way to help me. I look much better, discovered how to talk to girls, have a workout routine (could not go for two weeks due to exams). My friends help me with all the esoteric stuff I am into, I have never met them but just being religious creates a strong bond.
I do not remember the last time I cried in the shower, sure I am not doing the best I can but it is genuinely some sort of a miracle that I made it to where I am. God has been kind to me, not too bad for a high school dropout lol.
Optional reading______
Chunk of Change (2008) - This was my favorite one since the entire ep is extremely innocent. I do not believe in romantic love nor will I ever experience it but I could get a good feel of it by listening to Michael sing about it. It was originally intended as a gift to his then college girlfriend in Boston but was then later released for general public.
Cuddle Fuddle - https://youtube.com/watch?v=dNg8oT-k28E
This is my favorite song, it has various things about his relationship mentioned, highs and lows and wanting to stay with her.
Live to tell the tale - https://youtube.com/watch?v=Vl7k3LNoASQ
Here he describes his relationship in a very loving innocent way. Very rom com ish.
Smile upon me is another track along the same lines in this EP
Manners (2009) - This was his first proper studio album and it was when his music started to peak for the general audience. The lyrics became darker and it shifted from just his girlfriend to other topics. It got a lot of mainstream recognition due to the catchy songs being used by many video games and TV Shows.
Sleepyhead - https://youtube.com/watch?v=5bfseWNmlds
This was the most famous track from the album and it blends many things, it is likely about death and someone being on their deathbed. Super catchy.
Little secrets - https://youtube.com/watch?v=ScC_pi3PJ9k
This was the single most relatable song since he mentions his mom here and how his actions are tarnishing the family's name. the song has a kids choir singing the main verse and it. The song is about his bipolar disorder where he mentions a manic episode, hallucinating and the extremes he feels because of being bipolar but cannot tell or explain anything to anyone.
Some other cool tracks are let your love grow tall, the reeling, eyes as candles, to kingdom come. He is a greek orthodox church member so he makes a few references in these tracks about the church.
Gossamer (2012) - This is the most popular album by far with even catchier , refined pop synths and darker lyrics. It just turned 10 years old, I remember watching it's songs on Vh1 back in the day and feel super old just realizing that this it was 10 years ago. Life goes by fast.
Carried away - https://youtube.com/watch?v=DiEwJTOderQ
Watch the video, it is about the struggles in a relationship with him apologizing about his behavior and wanting to make up with his girl. It is super cute and kinda bittersweet.
Take a walk - https://youtube.com/watch?v=dZX6Q-Bj_xg&t=13s
This is a nostalgia bomb, I remember hearing it on a FIFA game in 2012 or 2013 whilst playing it with my friends on a Playstation 2. Life was simpler back then. Anyway this song is about what it is like to be a first gen immigrant in the US, losing touch with your family, financial issues and what it is like to be a man of the family, it has verses about markets, having to keep up a lifestyle etc. Listen to it. It is really really good.
Cry like a ghost - https://youtube.com/watch?v=i380DwcJxxM
This is about alcohol abuse but the video is about a woman regretting being alcoholic and promiscuos. Regardless it is a very different narration of what being black out drunk and it's bad consequences can be, including being abusive.
I'll be alright - https://youtube.com/watch?v=6Bmg3h7RSM4
This is about him describing his struggles and hoping for a better tomorrow. Similar to another great track called better things released earlier.
Constant Conversations - https://youtube.com/watch?v=EBLuWKnKIn0
The song is about alcholism and abuse, the video however seems more about american upper society's degenracy. Very mellow.
Love is greed - https://youtube.com/watch?v=7kZZwIlz45M
Love is painful, my favorite verse is 'If we really love ourselves, How do you love somebody else?'
where we belong, american blood etc are other great songs.
He later realeased two more albums, kindred and a tremendous sea of love. Both are awesome.
I won't go into detail about the other two albums that were both amazing, but passion pit's music is the kind that i find most relatable because he has mental issues that he cannot control. I have never listened to a song by him that I do not like and you too should try his stuff out.
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I feel pretty unsecure about the future. I immensely regret my Physics degree, probably the biggest regret. All the areas interesting to me (astro and nuclear) are dead end and becoming more and more computational so I will probably end up as a programmer, which I found easy to understand but one of the most boring profession in existence (heresy, I know), or I can pursue some experimental condensed matter specialization and trying to find work in material science, better than programming. In other words, I was fascinated with the idea of Physics and with studying Physics but hate all the profession I am qualified for.
TLDR: I wish I had done Medical School as my mother wished.
can you not go to med school now?
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Have you considered systems biology? Or engineering?
From reading the wikipedia page it seems very interesting. I always scoffed at biostatistics or biophysics, mainly for a question of "prestige" and "sexiness": now I'm started to view this kind of mentality as a something that holds back on physics research.
Yes, there are a lot of ways to use physics skills in biology. Another is simulation work, if you don't mind some programming: I have a friend who went from physics to modelling the evolution of sexual reproduction. However, as he put it, thinking about sex all day isn't as fun as you might think...
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Are you American? Not sure your age or where you are in your career process, but there are plenty of people who start medical school well after finishing college. It sounds like you are just out of undergrad, so you aren't even that much behind. There are many 1-year postbac programs designed to fulfill any prereqs you are missing and also help you get other experience that helps with admission.
Another more obscure path that might be a good fit for you is getting a PhD in medical physics. There's a lot of demand to hire them for clinical positions at big medical centers.
I'm not American and in Europe Medical School is a 6 year track with an intense workload that would make no sense: I would to get a full time job to finance it given that there's no university in my city and I would need to rent an apartment, so I ruled out as something to stop regretting. As for Medical Physics there's a tough job market but it would be feasible by emigrating. Thank you for your answer.
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I have a physics degree, went to law school afterwards, and now have a lucrative job as a patent attorney. Several of my classmates went to medical school with physics degrees. Physics is probably the most flexible degree you can get.
I'm not sure the degree is doing anything for you? It seems that instead of being flexible, it's outright redundant, or just a placeholder for doing something else.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean. If I didn’t have a physics degree, I would need some other science or engineering degree to do patent law successfully. And as far as such degrees go, physics is one of the best because it is very broad and heavy on math so it provides a great foundation for understanding many areas of science and technology.
And more generally, what I mean by "flexible" is that many different types of jobs in many different fields will accept people with physics degrees, whereas most other degrees have a narrower range of job options. You can go into almost any field, other than certain highly specialized ones, with a physics degree.
I wasn't aware that it made things easier when it came to patent law, thanks for the clarification. I thought you were alluding to what you meant in the second paragraph of this reply, but I didn't quite see how your anecdotes supported it at the time, thanks!
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Elaborate? Programming is very varied. People are different, but while I can see a physics grad disliking copypaste webdev stuff, most physics people I know find something like neural net interpretability or datastructures or programming language design interesting? (not really specific suggestions just illustrating)
Also, a physics degree is good evidence that you're very smart and capable of doing complex work, and a variety of employers that pay well look for physics grads (although often for coders).
Yes, I think this may be one of my dislike: copypaste numerical data analysis algorithms until you get a semblance of a plot without really understanding the software. Maybe I should self study some real Computer Science and Software Engineering.
I hope. Threads on reddit or other specialist forums do not seem to share the same enthusiasm but maybe there's a self selection bias with people online being more prone to be unemployed or in some kind of hardship.
My experience a decade ago was that Physics grads were second only to CS grads in hiring for programmers. (Math would probably have gotten second place if there were more of them.)
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Reddit career advise is just horrible. 95% of what you read is written by either total losers or students who are just repeating doomer shit they heard from the aforementioned losers.
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I'm aware this is on the border of CW and Wellness, so if anyone has any problems with it being here, I'll move it to the normal CW thread.
The long and the short of it is that engaging with the academic discourse on a controversial CW-related topic is really starting to exhaust me and burn me out. I'm not going to introduce what the topic here is, since this is strictly Wellness-related, but I seem to have mentally taken it upon myself to refute the opponents of mine that are involved in the field. As a layman, I've basically endeavoured to take the strongest versions of their arguments possible, and then challenge them in a rigorous, data-driven fashion. And needless to say, acquainting yourself with an entire field is not easy (note also that I'm also researching a huge amount of other related topics which the aforementioned field is just a part of).
I foresee a bunch of questions about why I'm this invested, so I'll briefly explain. Why I'm doing this is because when I look at the field, I see a very dedicated group of ideologues who are committed to promoting a certain specific view, and whose acolytes have in the past actually engaged in very unethical behaviour (e.g. targeting people's careers, harassment, bomb threats, etc) in order to shut down an opposing view. Even those who do not do this have a clear ideological commitment and have endeavoured to find reasons to explain why measures other than the ones which find results that are congenial to their worldview are invalid or that they do not "explain the full story". This has been a decades-long effort on their part at this point, and most of the talking points offered up by them have subsequently either been proven to be untrue or did not have much validity in the first place, but they continue coming up with new, novel rationalisations as to why measures which conflict with their ideology should be thrown out. Some of the things I've read have been painfully slimy - examples of the type of duplicity I've come across from the aforementioned ideologues range from preselection of the sample to outright trying to misinterpret the findings of their own research in order to publish things which are congenial to the ideology, and these "findings" have then been repeated in subsequent publications. I also suspect there's a lot of publication bias going on, though I obviously can't prove that.
These ideologues' opponents in the field, comparatively, don't seem all that invested to me. They exhibit the air and attitude of people who simply discovered results that were contrary to their initial expectations, and decided to take them at face value and defended what they considered to be good social science. However, due to how influential these ideologues are and due to the almost constant stream of papers that group churns out, it's very difficult for anyone to properly address all their claims especially considering the fear of consequences that comes with opposing them. Worse yet, they're extremely prolific in responding to any challenges of their hypotheses, and basically flood the academic discourse with self-justifying screed after self-justifying screed. Someone has to contest them, but there's just not enough people who will do that, and most people seem indifferent or outright opposed to the idea of contradicting an accepted narrative.
My involvement in this is so intensely deep at this point that I have a reputation in certain circles on Reddit (or at least I like to think I have one, hah) for being fairly well-researched in one specific area. What happens now is that I semi-regularly get private messages from multiple different users about my general areas of political interest, and usually they're either asking me to help in an argument or showing me an academic's or activist's writings and asking me to refute them. I do not blame them and this wouldn't be that bad at all in isolation, but at this point I am getting my opponents' rhetoric shoved in my face almost constantly not only by my culture war opponents, but also those who are on my side (not to mention the media and every other vehicle of political propagandising that exists).
So the exhaustion has been piling up for a while. And recently, I got a message from a user who showed me a writeup from one of said ideologues in the aforementioned field and asked if I could refute it. I took a look, and trying to follow the citation trail led really deep, and it sent me into a spiral for some reason. It isn't the worst thing I've had to address, rather this just kind of feels like the straw that broke the camel's back. It's a symbol of "No matter how much effort you put in, nothing and no one is going to change. What are you even doing this for?" And it's true. I can't think of very many people who've changed their mind because I decided to throw a bunch of data at them. Additionally, what I'm doing is basically akin to pissing in the ocean since the more ideologically-motivated crap I refute, the more seems to crop up elsewhere and the cycle starts all over again. It's an endless memetic arms race and I'm simply outnumbered on all sides. I've realised this for a long time, but it was sheer stubborn principle which prevented me from ever backing down.
That can only last so long. At this point, I find myself really wanting to put in the time to refute it yet not being able to get myself to muster up the energy. Increasingly, I'm finding myself alienated from politics because of just how demanding it can be and how mutually exclusive it seems to be with any sort of even slightly fulfilling or productive existence. You need to breathe, eat and drink politics if you're going to actually do it properly, and even then the dent you're going to make is likely going to be minimal if not completely immaterial.
I've wanted to start something for a while outside of mere participation on social media (A youtube channel? A Substack? A book?), but I resolved to do it once I had refined my perspective enough to handle any challenges thrown my way with ease. But this simply isn't the case, and will probably never be the case. Especially not for someone who holds opinions that are as fringe as I do.
TL;DR: frustration, despair, long rant about how politics becomes an awfully soul-crushing thing if you get too deeply involved and especially if your view is a contrarian one. Yes, I'm painfully aware that I need to touch grass.
I stay away from politics because I am quite incompetent as of right now and do not see it as anything beyond procrastination given that if I struggle with my own duties, I cannot understand anything that is that high level.
Hinduism has the concept of kaliyuga which means that bad things are invetible but on the other hand a good ruler has the capability to change that. The returns on reading about technocapital only exist when you have actual capital.
I do not write about politics not just because I do not want to be harassed in the future but also because I am not a political theorist. Politics is the most important thing in one's life.
I got my oneitis because that girl was the first person I ever had a conversation with who shared the same views as me, this was before I discovered twitter and became a niche e microceleb but the real chad move is to disengage and get a decent life. My family is in academia and Indian academia is intellectually bankrupt so I made up my mind at an early age to not take a job in this sector.
You can get an anon substack with a tutanota id and can remain anonymous if you can change your writing style to the point where people cannot recognise you but I myself have chosen the path that mishima chose where I think my time is better spent being "cool" for people like me and doing something.
Academics can be supremely dishonest and we saw Scott getting doxxed despite years of activism against many ideologies directly against the current climate. The best thing one can do is to be good, be anon and be genuinely happy. Academia will remain broken and the state of the world is known to everyone who reads this place. It pays you less and a heretic priest will always be burned publicly and made an example out of. These jobs like academia and journalism at least in the west compensate the lack of monetary incentives with the ability to fasten the machine.
I feel your pain given my country is even worse where the current left wing regime is termed far right despite their policies. Take a break, spend time with your family and if possible find like minded smart people irl.
The Gods both blessed and cursed us given the times we live in. We know the problems and maybe one can say we all have been given the chance of finding the answers that those before us could not find.
Nothing hurts others than genuine happiness. I never thought 5 years ago that I would be here, maybe things will be different for those who come after us. Just do not get blackpilled my friend.
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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The atheist biology teacher at my catholic school said this was his favorite prayer.
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Start a substack. Please. Perfection is the enemy of good, and you are really good.
Well, thanks. I might give it a go then.
You definitely should, especially since you have already reached the conclusion that you will never refine your perspective enough to handle any challenges with ease. What this should tell you is not only were your expectations over the top and you are good enough already, but you have been for a while.
Since you are on the verge of burnout though, I wouldn't suggest just diving in the deep end. Instead set yourself a schedule - once a week, twice a week, Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays - slightly more than you think you can handle (that's if you want to challenge yourself, if you are already happy with your output just whatever you can handle) - and if you find yourself struggling to write something, remember that you have been good enough for a while and go back through your reddit history and rework one of your posts.
Just be careful not too lean too heavily into that at the start, because your first readers are likely to have read your reddit posts already. Use a modified rule of threes there - no more than one third of your posts should be reddit reworks until you have tripled your initial readership.
Edit: reddit/TheMotte.org posts, I am going to trip over that for the rest of my life.
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What is the most efficient way to get a date if tinder doesn't work?
I am in my early thirties, and I have recently sold my startup and moved to a new city to work in finance as a developer. I am above average height, I am below average body fat and I can do ten strict chin-ups and I have a graduate degree from a good university. There is nothing particular about my looks in either direction, I am not stunningly beautiful, but there is nothing particularly bad about it either. In a crowd, I wouldn't stick out. I am realizing this is my biggest issue, it doesn't matter that I have had an interesting life when I am being judged for a fraction of a second on tinder.
This is starting to weigh me down a lot recently. I am not rejected by women, of the two dates I have gotten in the past year both women wanted to continue dating. The problem is that I am too bland to get a date out of a crowd of a thousand matches. Just looking average, having a good job and having my life together isn't cutting it on a hyper elitist platform dominated by men. Literally every employee at the company I work for is a man, and there is no way I am going to meet someone through my work friends. I play chess, ride motorcycles and serve in an army reserve unit. These hobbies are good for friends, but not places to meet women.
I know online dating is largely a scam and that I shouldn't be undateable. On the other hand, I am not getting dates. If I keep going down the same path, I will continue to be single. Not basing my self-worth on tinder doesn't really make sense when that is the market on which my future is determined. What is a concrete plan that I can start following here and now that can realistically land me a long term relationship with a sensible partner? My plan has been focused on self-improvement, but I am realizing that much of this improvement has zero impact on my dating as no woman ever sees it.
Combine self improvement with getting yourself into the ideal dating market: take a course for fun at your local college. If you have a grad degree from a good school, most other schools will have no problem letting you take one course in a fun undergrad or grad course. Doesn't have to be useful, can be classics or lit.
Now you're on campus, studying in the library. a campus full of single young women, and you're tall and relatively rich and have your own domicile with real furniture. Sure, you'll be "weird" as the old dude on campus, but normies don't really get the girl. And the girls interested in you will be likely those looking for an MrS degree.
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Cold approach in nightclubs. you will fail in the beginning but this is the way to learn in the modern world. Go out everyday for 30 minutes and try to pull strangers you find attractive. This is a hard skill to master as people are too stuck up inside their heads but this is the one thing with the best rewards. Internet dating is not the best, paying with fire is a firm that specialises in online game but then again, cold approach.
Also cold approach works mostly in towns with young people.
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In my experience, the quickest, easiest way to get more dates is to go speed dating. If you're decent-looking, in a good place in life, and can hold a conversation, you should do just fine. (If you're not sure about that last one, go anyway, it's good practice.) I could usually get at least one date with a woman I was attracted to from one event, which is pretty good for a few hours of your time.
I can't say any of those dates actually lead to a relationship, but for me it was a great start just to get used to meeting women in person, going on dates, feeling more confident in myself. I think the best matches tend to come about naturally, from shared interests or social circles, but it's harder to arrange those on purpose. Trying out new hobbies or social events, especially ones with a favorable gender ratio, is probably a good idea if you're looking for more options.
Alternatively, Richard Hanania recommends just starting conversations with attractive strangers in the street. I always found the idea a little uncomfortable myself, but if it works for you it's definitely very actionable.
If you want a more concrete plan, Mark Manson's book Models is often recommended for this kind of thing, and does a good job of answering the same questions as pickup, without some of the weirder attitudes that often go along with that.
Only older forms of pickup have wierd attitudes. Actual pickup is dead, you will get much better results from that than with models but models itself is not a bad system per say.
Pickup is not about cramming lines or tactics but understanding that any conversation has a flow, a structure and how you say something matters more than what it is that you are saying. You develop a social sixth sense and it is a way of condensing the interactions of a lifetime in a short duration to give you better intuition.
So cramming lines is certainly a little weird, but the attitudes I'm thinking of are more to do with what your goals are, what you're trying to do.
If you want to get laid as much as possible, with the most attractive women, then yeah, I expect cold approach in nightclubs is the way to go. If that's you, then great!
I think sometimes guys without much experience assume that must be what they want, and then they get it, at least a little, and it turns out not to make them happy.
The reason I like Models is that it pretty explicitly says the goal is to be yourself, to have fun. I can't say my clubbing experiences ever lived up to that, but maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance?
Yeah, cold approach is what made me not hate women. I was bitter because I would never get any to ever like me but when I started talking to many, I realised that they would feel what's inside and me, that being happier is better.
It's a skill and you get better at it if you keep trying.
I'm a novice still but can't wait to try this in nightclubs at a big city lol.
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Have you ever been on party drugs? I always found events very boring and fake until I tried. Then everything suddenly started making sense.
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