Ademonera
17d ago
Very much agreed. Especially when your grandparents and in some cases parents got the real deal - they met one person that decided to accompany them forever.
It seems practical to sand down those teenage feelings but you’re right that it makes you lose your muscle memory for it.
The one thing I always try to tell myself is that you’re always thinking relative to what you have. I could just as well be miserable with someone I don’t particularly like and desperate for alone time. I could be dating someone really clingy or highly distant, which I wouldn’t like. All sorts of stuff. At least being alone is simple enough and the default state of being for most men.
Ademonera
17d ago
I just wonder how other men that aren’t doing as well handle it. I think about that Elliot Rodger kid or like the sino-cel subreddits. While the incel panic was overblown, the feelings that come from rejection and disillusionment are strong and upsetting. Worst is that I don’t think there’s really a healthy way to deconstruct it except to just keep pushing on.
But status is a good cushion. I would really, really hate to have these feelings and also feel less than other men who went to college and got good jobs etc. All things considered, I’m doing alright and things will fall into place.
Ademonera
17d ago
Honestly I’ve been surprised how poorly my dating life has gone despite ostensibly having it together. I’m nearing 30 and it feels like an endless slog. But hey if every person I meet is an asshole, it might just be me.
I like the term ‘jestermaxxing’ and similar vocab from 2010s incel fourms now appropriated by streamers. That word feels like what I have to do - desperately try to entertain someone indifferent to me. 9/10 times, even if I give it my best, it’s not going anywhere.
I wouldn’t generalize that to most people around me, but I really think women will never appreciate the kind of perseverance it takes to keep pushing forward. It’s a unique and lonely experience, but you get a glimpse of hope every once in a while and go chase it down.
Status and social skills help but unless you put yourself in situations where you will meet people, you will work and then go home to sit around with your thoughts. The places where you meet people could expose you to people that hurt your ego and make you even more cynical. But it’s better than not trying.
I think the dating apps are especially demeaning and demoralizing for men. While many women pay for subscriptions, it’s so that they can be extra picky and use travel features. For men it is a racket built to exploit your loneliness - but hey maybe that 48 hour super Boost for $100 will get you somewhere!
Of course there’s a lot more value in long term commitments etc. I’m sure if you meet kind women at art galleries and through friends of friends, it’s much different. But if you want occasional meet-cutes or to meet someone at a club, you sure have to put up with a lot.
The Charlie Kirk one irks me. He hasn’t exactly leveraged either the attempts on his life or Charlie Kirk’s for any political cause, much less instituted martial law and scapegoated his political opponents for it.
There was also a mass pandemic, in case you don’t remember, where he let Anthony Fauci et al run the show. He could have had marines welding people’s doors shut and suspended elections but curiously didn’t.
Any good fascist wouldn’t waste an opportunity to consolidate power and the fact this hasn’t happened with either of these events makes me think he won’t be be giving a Saddam style purge speech anytime soon.
I’ll admit Jan 6 was embarrassing and mostly his fault but the lead up was a botched attempt to rile up his base and fundraise. He’s just a catty New York businessman who found out that being controversial will get you unlimited airtime. That’s about it.
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