AvocadoPanic
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User ID: 550
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Possibly in terms of watching competition as entertainment. It's a very small portion of women that participate in women's athletics via organized competition. Nor do the women who participate benefit in the same way that men do, as women's achievements are not valued as much by men as men's achievements by women.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
In a university town, or near a research hospital these women should be easy to meet. Finding the subset that's ok with no marriage, no kids, may be more challenging.
Men and women are different. Why wouldn't these differences surface in their approaches to competition?
Traditionally competition amongst women is much less direct than competition among men, I suspect oweing to the traditional venus for competition and lessor roles in public life.
Also it's typically only women that care about womens competition, if that.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
shit for being in AP
or GATE is more anti-intellectual or just regular nerd bullying.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
never in all my life seen a man effected
It's pride month. Have you had much experience with men with same sex attraction? There's a cohort amongst this group that love shitting on others, in the sense you mean it.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Streetcar suburbs are the opposite of a car-dependent development and are not a problem.
They may be car-dependent now if there street cars are gone. In the one near me it does keep the homeless and adjacent criminal elements from the nearby city from riding public transit out to the suburbs.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
It's been my experience that people like me, or find me attractive for reasons I don't or didn't expect. Frequently for reasons I didn't value or see in myself.
Having to be 'on' when out can be tiring.
I was fortunate, while being out and on, I found a thoughtful analytical woman. We enjoyed staying in, being quiet, thoughtful and analytical together.
Is it your perception that you're only liked when clowinsh?
Have you told any of the women that you've met that you're looking for a wife and mother of your children? Even if it's only in general and not her specifically?
It can help you by getting this larger social group that already likes you, even if your perception is that they only like the clown, to help you find the partner you want.
The universe is unlikely to send you a thoughtful, analytical, fertile women in a meet cute scenario. You need to actively look, and be upfront with what you want.
Telling women early you want a wife and children may scare some off. That's ok, they're not who your looking for. If you tell them and they stay, they're candidates. Don't take them to the places / times where you need to be on. Go places you can walk and talk and be thoughtful.
The advice for online dating, is to move to IRL as soon as possible. For me I needed to move to where I wasn't 'on' as soon as possible. Women that were looking for a light, easy goodtime would loose interest. Women that wanted a husband and father for their children may think, still waters run deep, and enjoy getting to know this truer self you reveal to her.
Do you have any proxies to help identify the sort of woman you want? For me, women in science, specifically lab sciences where she is or was doing bench work. I found many to be of a temperament that suited me. People often talk more about their work, than their personalities or desires in a partner. I've also found that how people talk about their work can be more revealing than their (mis)perceptions about themselves.
Also if there's anywhere you can go to be thoughtful and analytical that there are also women; public lectures / talks etc. These are good places to take women on 'dates', gives you something to discuss / argue about over a meal later.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
I understand you prefer cycling alone. I often prefer my own company. Throughout my life I've never felt lonely when alone. Participation in occasional group activities does not preclude preferred activities alone.
In a reply to another post you acknowledge when under the influence you can see that
my routines and patterns of behavior may not be optimal
This may be one of those patterns. I've found women, when evaluating a potential partner, like to see that he has friends. Also a larger social group, even fairly shallow attachments, are very helpful when looking for a spouse.
Participation in these groups may feel unnatural and unrewarding. I would encourage you to persist and try more / different groups and settings. Any Irish pubs near you that have a regular music session?
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
You don't have to join to attend. Our church, fairly conservative, welcomes people interested in the historical christian faith, regardless of belief.
If your going to be obnoxious about your disbelief you may find nobody will sit next to for coffee and cake afterwards in the fellowship hall.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Yes, but I think that was @2rafa point a bit with;
People are deeply hostile to the reality
Find a partner, settle down, marry is the advice that teenagers should be getting from secular society.
It can be done by an older woman, we have four children 2 years apart. My wife was 41 for the last. She was 26 when we married.
I think 22 - 24 and pregnant, even 16 and pregnant is better than 40 and no children.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Marry...
I've done this more or less. Reasonably happy. No desire to join the Wagner Group. Wife is homeschooling next year, Latin is in the curriculum.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Isn't it women birthing and then caring for the three or more children?
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Hasn't the DNC already said no debates too? I can see why if Biden is the candidate, but still.
I'd like to see a Trump and DeSantis bromance. Like a mismatched Jack and Bobby.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Is the problem with Hati, alignment with Russia a coup will solve?
pretty pathetic
DeSantis would be better inside the Trump tent. Not as VP, but as AG.
Trump, DeSantis and TBD VP campaigning together would be, the best campaign ever.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Who would the Biden administration put in charge to signal they're fully invested in a positive outcome?
Is there a deep bench of competent capable people they've kept concealed or are busy work on all of their success like the war in The Ukraine, relations with China, or inflation?
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
A lot of what you wrote in your OP resonated with me and I could see my younger self in much of it. My middle son, has an autism diagnoses . Many of areas where he struggles I also struggle(d).
I have work friends, and a few local friends, but I'd describe my wife as my best friend. When I was younger and single I had 'friends' to go out to pubs or clubs / dinner with, but none I'd describe as deep friendships and most involved some amount of alcohol.
16 - 26 was sort of a lost decade for me. Too much drinking, in spite of some negative consequences. Often drinking more than I wanted or had planned. Too much time in my own head. Lots of short 'relationships' that I seemed to stumble into and out of. Some sexual confusion, we called it expirementation at the time. There were periods of couch surfing. My family situation was unhelpful.
Following a series of professional setbacks (.com bust / airlines tanking after 9/11) I decided I needed a major change. I moved to Eastern Europe to teach English as a foreign language. Made an effort to drink less, spend more time outside and less in my head. Set short term goals, sometimes small ones, that would move me in the direction of long term goals. I tried to view the 'now' as an opportunity to setup future AvocadoPanic for success or failure. The chief long-term goal I set during this time was to be married before I was 30. While drinking less my libido returned, which while at times was uncomfortable, made it easier to identify women I was attracted to. I made an effort to meet women. I would become a regular places that women in the target cohort frequented. I did my best to be friendly an affable. Trying to be a good listener meant I had to talk less. If eye contact was too much I would look at their mouths or the center of their foreheads, I still worried at times if I was making too much or not enough 'eye contact'. I also tended to select locations that were dimmly lit or had pronounced shadows. Once I started viewing this as practice / developing a sociability skill set, the failures didn't bother me, it was all low stakes. I did initially struggle expressing my desire, most women still expected men to make the first move. Eventually one of these women I'd met in a pub, I encountered again at a birthday party. We married a bit less than 3 years later, 7 months before I turned 30.
Making friends seems to increase with difficulty as you age, especially for men. The most successful I've been has been through fraternal service organizations, Rotary, Lions Club, etc. I find the scheduled routine helpful. Meetings occur regularly, there's some structure, and there are opportunities for commitment / service. I find the routine easier to maintain if I feel slightly obligated to attend. Not all the local clubs will be the same, there were Rotary clubs I liked and some I didn't. Most of these traditional clubs welcome visitors and you can visit several to see if there's one you'd like. They're everywhere too, which if you move or relocate is very helpful.
Having children has also helped me meet people as there are lots of children's activities and parties where I can meet other dads.
We've also recently started attending church. Our local church aligns reasonably well our politics, there are no BLM, pride or Ukraine flags. I enjoy the fellowship and it's nice to meet similarly minded people from our town.
Professionally my work is uninspiring, but it allows me to support my family (just) in a mostly middle class lifestyle if we're careful and for my wife to be a homemaker. The work / life balance also allows me to be present nearly as much as I want for my wife and children. I could perhaps increase my income if I were will to adjust that balance. The 'politics' at work I still find confusing and somewhat difficult to navigate. I've found The Gervais Principle to be an accurate description of most of the larger organizations I've worked in. I don't believe that the guys adept at office politics or making more money are significantly happier or have better lives than I do.
You've mentioned the illegality of psychedelics several times, why do you see this as an impediment? Psychedelic mushrooms are easy to grow. There are jurisdictions where some psychedelics are permitted.
I typically prefer weed (cannabis) to alcohol now. Though I'm glad I didn't start as a teen. I don't think it would have been good for me.
Other than the gym and bicycling, what activities do you do regularly? Are there any that you particularly enjoy or have a talent for? Have you considered a cycle club?
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
feel kind of stuck in life and I don’t see any good options on how I can fix the major problems in my life.
Stuck how? How do you feel your life would be different if you weren't stuck?
What are the major problems?
Do you have any goals you're currently working towards?
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
fundamentally change who they are
In terms of fundamental change, happy as I am, seems a lesser / smaller change than the alternative.
I would think a pill to cure homosexuals would be popular. Though I can imagine there would be opposition. There's opposition by some in the deaf community to cochlear implants.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
If technology is that sufficiently advanced we could presume there'd be a 'cure' for this population to allow them to be happy with their natal bodies.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
You'd still have whatever mental issues made them want to transition.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
Are you like me also waiting for lust month and gluttony month?
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
It was also a case solved by The Bloodhound Gang on 3-2-1 Contact.
AvocadoPanic
2yr ago
How much agency can someone called by destiny to save the world from evil with their supernatural powers have?
The universe inhabited by many superheroes with innate powers often don't allow for much agency. That these characters as portrayed also often lack dimension doesn't help.
Non-powered superheroes frequently have more agency, Batman, Ironman. They use their wealth and intellect.
Supernatural - There's a lot of it. I like the relationship between the brothers and the importance of family.
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