Consider becoming religious. My life is also messed up and lacking in a similar way but I do not feel existential dread about it since this life is short and temporary compared to the next one which is infinitely better and infinitely longer. Not to say I give up; I continue trying to salvage what I can in this short time and aspire towards great things as you mention, but it significantly helps me not despair about failing to live up to potential or running out of time but rather allows me to accept what little I can accomplish in my life given my limited abilities. More briefly, it provides outcome indifference and a sense of peace. This itself may be what you need to get out of your rut. You mentioned you are gay, and you might see that as incompatible with my suggestion, but it's not. The proper life path for a religious gay person is to remain celibate, so that this rather becomes an asset for you, something you've unintentionally done right. Furthermore it permits you to drop the burden of social expectation of being in a relationship. The hookups recommended below are fleeting, underwhelming in practice, and will not leave you with long term satisfaction, but may leave you with long term STDs. Shaming people over virginity is pagan, progressive morality. Ignore it.
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Consider becoming religious. My life is also messed up and lacking in a similar way but I do not feel existential dread about it since this life is short and temporary compared to the next one which is infinitely better and infinitely longer. Not to say I give up; I continue trying to salvage what I can in this short time and aspire towards great things as you mention, but it significantly helps me not despair about failing to live up to potential or running out of time but rather allows me to accept what little I can accomplish in my life given my limited abilities. More briefly, it provides outcome indifference and a sense of peace. This itself may be what you need to get out of your rut. You mentioned you are gay, and you might see that as incompatible with my suggestion, but it's not. The proper life path for a religious gay person is to remain celibate, so that this rather becomes an asset for you, something you've unintentionally done right. Furthermore it permits you to drop the burden of social expectation of being in a relationship. The hookups recommended below are fleeting, underwhelming in practice, and will not leave you with long term satisfaction, but may leave you with long term STDs. Shaming people over virginity is pagan, progressive morality. Ignore it.
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