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PaperclipPerfector  16d ago (text post)   1470 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for May 27, 2026

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Anyone else here used kratom before? I find it extremely helpful for breaking up long standing patterns of muscular tension.

My father and sibling were frequent users of it late in their life. They both encouraged me to try it a couple of times but I always refused. Heard it was made illegal in California, so no idea how distributors are still getting their product out here above the board. I still advise staying away from it.

Kratom is addictive, so be careful.

Yes yes I'm aware.

If you haven't tried it already, you might want to give magnesium a shot. People anecdotally report that it helps with muscle cramps, and most people fail to get enough magnesium in their diet anyways (it has been speculated that this is because soil is fertilized with nitrogen, phosphorous, and potassium, but not magnesium, so that biologically available magnesium in the soil is depleted over time). The main downside is that for some people (myself included), supplementation causes diarrhea even at small doses. Others don't have that issue for whatever reason. I would like to know why.

Have you ever heard of magnesium causing nosebleeds? I've used it as a sleep aid on and off, and it feels like it correlates to multiple instances of small nosebleeds in my sleep. Possibly confounded by season and physical activity (late winter into early spring so some changes in humidity, plus packing up my stuff for a move).

You mean, actual liquid pouring out of your nose? Or just bloody mucus?

Dried blood inside the nose like it already bled a bit and clotted, and if I rubbed or blew my nose too vigorously I got actual liquid pouring out my nose.

Oh, I get that like half the days of each year. The first part at least, rarely running blood. Don't know if it's worth worrying about?

I figure it's probably not a huge worry but it's annoying to deal with, that's why I'm trying to figure out if it's correlated with the magnesium dosing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

More comments

I have tried magnesium, hasn't been a wonder drug for me sadly.

Ah, the 60 yo senior charge nurse and the gay pharmacist can openly yap (in the middle of the ward corridor) about attending a strip show, but I talk about my dating life and end up in front of HR? How rude, is it because I'm brown?

Frankly, my dating life should get me in front of a psychiatrist instead. I went on a date with someone who described herself as an asexual lesbian (but had, most recently, dated a dude with a dick and tits) questioning her sexuality. Apparently she thought I might have answers. The main answer I got from that date was that I do not enjoy being choked, MMA style.*

The worst part? That was my idea. Not even for erotic reasons, I was just that bored and out of good ideas. Spent them at work, curing everyone but myself. This is not even the worst date I've been on, in fact, she's very hot and pleasant company, which is more than I can say about most straight women. I am clearly doing things very right or very wrong, but I am not qualified to tell. I'll probably see her again.

*She trains, but it's clear that I could have killed her if I wanted to. I told her that up front, sometime around the start of the date, and pointed at a convenient bridge nearby. She actually agreed, and still went for a walk with me through a rather deserted neighborhood. Queen shit.

This story looks very different from the one which you wrote a few months ago.

What gave it away? The deterioration of my mental health? That's cheating. But no, sometimes things just don't work out.

The ship is moving well even now. I don't feel the compass.

Anecdata observation: being choked is an extremely common turn on for college educated, left-leaning western women. Probably as close to as popular as being spanked.

Oh I'm not quite ready to talk about everything else she's into. I wasn't kidding about her being a freak.

Not even for erotic reasons, I was just that bored and out of good ideas.

"I'm bored. What do you want to do?"

"I dunno, I'm bored, too. What do you want to do?"

"... try choking each other?"

You joke, but apparently that's an accurate description of a large chunk of her social circle.

Large numbers of people (well, dozens) who are "asexual" but enjoy "kink". I am very much not asexual, but I do have a libido. And I have done worse things for uglier women. Though some of what she's into really has me contemplating my sanity.

This will be a story for the grandkids, or at least a good essay. I've had to do reading up on the neurobiology of human sexuality to even begin to figure out wtf is going on. Can't say I've completed the process, but my conversations with her are somewhere between semi-ironic emotional engagement and a psychiatric history + field ethnography. I am listening, and perhaps I am learning.

try choking each other

I didn't do that. To her. I'm a gentleman.

I am listening, and perhaps I am learning.

When an asexual kink-friendly MMA-trained lesbian is speaking, you'd best sit your brown ass down and listen (because she's choking you out and you have no choice).

Hmm. I agree in principle. She'll have to work on her technique if she wants me to actually lack a choice in the matter. Right now, I'm showing up because I have to know where this leads, even if that's probably just hypoxic brain damage.

I can't imagine what sexual position she could choke you in, unless pegging was involved as well.

Saving that one for a second date.

Run.

You didn't specify the direction. And we live on a globe.

Doesn't the globe fact render the direction important? So it sounds like you can pick any direction.

Warning: Shitty vent post, typed out hastily in a hotel somewhere in rural Australia.

Last Friday a good number of things happened at work that sent my anxiety levels through the roof, all of which were caused or exacerbated by the decentralised structure of public tax accounting, which features a system where one preparer works under a number of reviewers on different jobs (which can be anything from a tax return to a business activity statement to a tax planning task).

So the inciting incident for this cascade of bullshit is that I had booked five days of leave a good while ago, and I had followed the proper procedure by sending a leave form to my most direct superior that then got sent to the firm’s secretary for dissemination. But somehow one of my managers didn’t seem to know about this beforehand and was surprised the day before due to some kind of error in internal communication on the firm's end, at least that's what I was told when I asked about it, and as a result I had to perform emergency handovers of some tax returns I was working on one day before I went on leave (since this was the case, I have offered to assist periodically with work when I can make myself available). This has never occurred before and in all previous instances my superiors appeared to know I would be going on leave before I even had to inform them, but it appears I cannot rely on internal communication and will need to take things into my own hands in the future, despite any expectation to that effect never being communicated to me. Somehow I feel this issue is going to end up being placed on me in the end as the junior. “Doesn’t communicate well” or something.

In addition, I got bitched at by one of my managers that same day for dropping one of the 5000 balls I’ve been juggling - I forgot to send out a reminder email to a client for a business activity statement, while sidetracked with other extremely urgent work that had to be completed, and this meant the necessary client information arrived late. The lodgement date came due over my leave period, and he complained that he would now “have to” work on the client’s business activity statement in my stead, in spite of the fact that applying for an extension of the due date would have been an option. I consider this criticism to be rather hypocritical since just less than a month ago his own failure to sign and approve a lodgement email had resulted in this same client lodging an instalment activity statement two months past the due date, and the only reason why it got solved is because I noticed the issue; I suppose mistakes are only unacceptable when they're mine. Nevertheless I stayed at work four hours late that day just trying to placate him and getting the workpaper to at least a reviewable state, though why the firm couldn’t just ask for a due date extension from the ATO is unclear to me (requesting extensions is not uncommon at all; ostensibly the reason for not seeking extension in this case is not to jeopardise the payment plan the client has with the ATO, but if lodging an instalment activity statement two months late doesn’t jeopardise it, I seriously doubt this will either). He was also not happy that I “got to their tax compliance late”, meaning I deprioritised this client’s tax return in favour of meeting the year-end lodgement dates for other taxpayers. For the record that is a decision I fully stand by, since this client is nearly insolvent and I would prefer to prioritise clients that actually pay us and not ones who are in arrears for a year’s worth of billings.

I consider both of these to be prime examples of how the multiple reporting lines of public accounting firms really messes everything up. Firstly, you report to so many people that when one person doesn’t get tied into what you’re doing due to some breakdown in internal communication it ends up causing issues. Secondly, it misaligns incentives really badly - different clients are assigned to different managers that then get delegated to you, and while on a firm level it’s better to prioritise clients that actually do pay you as compared to clients whose status as a going concern is in serious question, on an individual-manager level everybody just wants you to get to their clients regardless of how much it makes sense at all because it personally affects them and how they are evaluated. I always see people saying that accounting is a “good job for autistic people” but frankly I just think it’s terrible, at least if you go into public. You need to communicate almost constantly with a revolving door of managers, reviewers and clients to make sure things don’t fall apart, and there are so many seemingly nonsensical aspects of the job that really only make sense once you start interpreting them through the lens of incentive structures. Yes, I am badly burned out and looking for exit opportunities.

Uh, why do you report to more than one person?

And here's something else, Bob. I have eight bosses right now. Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it.

I used to be in this line of work, in the US. Here, every client has at the very least a partner (who earns the fees), a manager, a senior, and an associate staff (there are more levels of review for bigger clients).

There are plenty of each of those titles around the office. For a new client, the partner picks a manager he likes. The manager picks an available senior he likes. The senior recruits an associate. It’s all mixed and matched. So the number of bosses I had was # of clients I’m on (which was always several) times the average number of reviewers on each project.

None of the reviewers on any client coordinated with the others. You are expected to manage your deadlines and, somehow, know at least a week beforehand if you will miss one.

Consulting is very similar. You will have a line manager and then a number of different projects that have a project manager and various stakeholders that you're meant to talk to (including directly to clients for those projects). Sometimes the stakeholders of those projects are in other companies stacked 5 deep (and I mean 5 companies deep, each with their own hierarchies) before you get to the end client.

When going on leave, you're basically meant to tell everyone yourself that leave is happening. Do the procedure with your line manager, but email practically everyone you work with that you won't be available. Then fill out the outlook 'out of office' auto respond.

It's pretty exhausting. No, you can't trust anyone to do this for you. Most of the time your project managers are cc'd in on a lot of correspondence so if someone requests something from you they will step in and remind the stakeholder you are on leave and cover for you. But not always.

Sometimes the stakeholders of those projects are in other companies stacked 5 deep (and I mean 5 companies deep, each with their own hierarchies) before you get to the end client.

Why are there five companies between you and the end client? The day to day of consultants is a source of endless fascination to me because every explanation I've seen is some impossibly bizarre and incomprehensible thing like this.

Major Building projects are often structured under a EPCM (Engineering, Procurement, Construction and Management) model, and sometimes even in a PPP (Public-Private Partnership) arrangement.

This means you can have multiple organisations quickly spinning up a Joint Venture or other structure to deliver the entire project. This might consist of a public procurement organisation, along with a building consortium, an architectural company and an engineering company. In this case you would consider the public organisation to be the end client, but even they may be overseen by independent regulators for certain sectors (eg aviation or rail). Also the engineering or architectural company might subcontract out certain specialist disciplines (acoustic engineering, or landscape design) to other companies. So in some cases you can go: Independent regulator > Public Procurement organisation > Building conglomerate > Architectural Co > Engineering Co > Subcontracted Engineering Co. Due to contractual and other reasons (including individuals with controlling traits), every organization between you and the regulator may want you to line communicate through them rather than directly with any organisation above them. Also within any of these organisations as discussed there could be their own line chain of communication.

Now in practice you can normally talk directly to individuals across the project as long as you cc in relevant stakeholders, but sometimes, particularly when contracts and specifications are involved, things can be bogged down as every person in the chain wishes to review (and sometimes censor or otherwise modify) information provided by those below them.

Also, with mega projects there can be a ridiculous number of stakeholders that might presume you are available for the duration of a project that runs for 5+ years and attempt to contact you directly. This can be why some people refuse to put their mobile phone numbers in their email/Aconex signatures.

Now most of the time things don't go badly, but it has been known for people senior in the hierarchy to have a bad day due to things entirely outside of the control of people lower in the hierarchy and disproportionately escalate issues because they don't understand the systemic reasons for the issue existing in the first place. For a person at the bottom of the hierarchy, this can be very very stressful in some circumstances. Like if the Executive Project Manager Builder screams at an engineer that they are in breach of contract because the engineer didn't immediately provide a deliverable because the architectural firm above them hadn't actually authorised them to do the work, because Janice from Finance had gone on maternity leave.

There is so much more that could be written about this, but just understand that consulting runs into miscommunication issues all of the time, due to factors that are often outside of your control, even if you are pro-active with your communication.

Thanks. Ever think about if there's a better way? The natural impulse is to put everything under one roof but it seems there's too much here.

The Joint Ventures are meant to be putting things under the one roof (and they will literally do so sometimes with a shared Project Office). This is mainly cosmetic though as every individual organisation within the JV will consistently act in their own interest. Its common to see people from one part of the JV send through a deliverable that is meant to go to the end client that says 'no we aren't providing this thing that was clearly in the Master Specification because its outside of our scope' until they get their skull bashed in have things explained by a project manager somewhere in the chain that they need to present their deliverable as if they representing the JV.

The short version is that better reporting structures and hierarchies could be made, but there are incentives against it. Having experience in major bids, there is massive pressure to quickly spin up a Joint Venture and divide the scope of work as soon as a tender is awarded so as best to meet delivery deadlines. This can cause massive confusion in communications at the start of a project as 'who is doing what' and 'what needs doing' is often unclear. Unclear communication channels and reporting hierarchies can persist long into the project, not helped by sub-organisations joining and leaving the project as their scopes are started and completed.

Also the usual financial and contractual incentives can create delay in communication and delivery. For instance, there is an incentive to be competitive on your company's individual bid for a scope of work. This might mean that you don't have much 'fat' in the fee, so to reduce costs you will limit the time you spend on the project (and will be responsible for to your internal line management). You will also not commence work on any part of a scope until a contract has been agreed. Even though the broader project itself may have hard deadlines coming up and a part of the scope has been overlooked and a variation needs to be negotiated and builders are notoriously tight fisted and wish to waste time arguing with architects, engineers and consultants that something is within their prior scope even though it isn't.

There isn't really a way around these issues. It can be common for some correspondence or deliverable transmittals to have over 100 recipients, leading to inbox hell which is its own problem as things get lost in the noise. It was also common to have to remind senior stakeholders that I had already responded or completed a task and here are the attached meeting minutes for the meetings which they chaired six months ago and three months ago where I discussed and resolved the issue at length after being accused of indolence.

tldr; Haven't really found a better way to deal with this except perhaps to push for a single point of contact for communication, but that just plain doesn't work on larger projects.

I consider both of these to be prime examples of how the multiple reporting chains of public accounting firms really messes everything up. Firstly, you report to so many people that when one person doesn’t get tied into what you’re doing due to some breakdown in internal communication it ends up causing issues.

I have lined up for the Friday Fun Thread an article on how many subordinates each manager should have. But it is silent on the topic of how many managers each subordinate should have.

I have a job interview for market manahwr later this week. They asked me if I were interested in talking with them. This is the first sales-oriented position I've interviewed for that wasn't an MLM (products or whole life insurance). Every other role has been for a technician in some form or fashion.

I do not know if this particular company is the right fit, but the position is closer to what I want to be doing more of: more communication than operations, and not talking all day.

Low-level question: I'm looking to pick up just some super-basic weights and maybe a small treadmill for at-home use, specifically during breaks when I'm WFH. Anyone have any recommendations in that regard, or other gear/devices worth picking up? I'm tempted by maybe a cheap rowing machine, but that could be really dumb.

  1. Kettlebells. 12K for average woman, 16K for average man. At max, go one step down (8k, 12k respectively). You can do Rows, Floor Presses, Swings (will have to learn that), Squats (goblet, front, back). And you can just pick it up and go for some time / distance (Kettlebell Mile is also a thing).

  2. Pullup bar (either get one which you can setup in the doorframe) or fix it outside.

  3. one speed Rope.

Kettlebell.

A bench is very useful with weights, especially an adjustable one. If money is not a problem, get these adjustable dumbbells where you just turn a dial to select the weight. Otherwise, get the cheapest steel ones that you screw together. I would recommend something like a 2kg handle, 2x5kg plates, 2x2.5kg plates, 2x1.25kg plates for 19.5kg in total.

Get a pull-up bar if your house can support one.

I'm having a real fun time trying to figure out how the mass of a dumbbell can be adjusted by turning a dial!

Edit: best I can come up with is some kind of onboard air compressor and storage tank.

There are little notches that engage different plates. They are ingenious, but a total nightmare if they break.

So it's like a system where the handle goes down into some kind of arrangement of plates, you dial in what you want, and those ones engage and become attached? So basically just a convenient way to load and unload plates?

Does it use magnets? :3

No magnets, so even juggalos can understand how to use them.

It vibrates at relativistic speeds.

Love the concept of selling a technology that would make a warp drive viable as workout equipment.

At least it’s not a sex toy?

It could be both. The Shake-Weight was often compared to one, so why not actually go all the way? I'm sure there are advantages to a sex toy that can make 5 seconds feel like 5 minutes, or even longer.

Turning the dial converts some of the mass to energy. Warranty void if attempted. User assumes all personal and planetary existential risk.

small treadmill

Beware if you live in an apartment or condo community with downstairs neighbors. I had to toss a tiny treadmill I bought because of noise complaints.

Sold it, I hope. Exercise equipment drifts in and out of my home for various reasons but I'm usually able to recoup about as much as I paid for it initially.

Wish I sold it, I had it listed on Craigslist, Offerup, and Facebook marketplace. No takers even for basically free, it was a cheap quality but heavy folding treadmill from Amazon ($280). After a week of lowering my list price to ~$25 I had to dump it in the trash. I was living in a very affluent area back then, and I think the pool of potentially interested local buyers for secondhand items was too small.

Yeah, I'm in a much better area for that sort of thing. Quite the mix of rich and poor. California, really.

Mace exercises feel great on you shoulders if you slouch a lot in front of a computer. A kettle bell is also pretty handy.

Neither take up much space if you aren't using them.

How much space do the mace exercises take up when you are using them?

What kind of weight would you recommend for a fairly avid lifter who has no experience with mace exercises?

I really like kettlebells over dumbbells for allowing a variety of exercises. I have just 2 kettlebells at home, at 20 lbs and 45 lbs, which I think is enough for a very low level amateur hobbyist athlete like myself.

Is that two of each weight, or one of each weight?

One of each. Kettlebells are generally not used two at a time like dumbbells often are. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen a kettlebell exercise that involves using two at a time.

Plenty are there:

  • double KB swings,
  • double KB clean-squat-press,
  • double clean-press,
  • double press - 3 ways: both at same time, one below press other and alternate, one above and press other and alternate
  • double front squat
  • double KB deadlift - sumo (KB on insides) and KB on outside. etc.

Yes, the fact that they swing allows for endurance training at the same time as resistance training. Lately I've been doing the "Armor Building Complex" with my single kettlebell. "Enter the Kettlebell" recommends adult men start at 35 lbs, or 8 kilograms, or buying 8 kilograms, 12 kilograms, and 16 kilograms kettlebells if buying more than 1. That, a good pair of running shoes, and a pull-up bar are probably enough for a decent level of fitness if you actually use the equipment you're buying. But it depends on what you're going for. A kettlebell that's just 20 lbs would have been helpful for me to do a lot of practice trying cleans without bruising my forearms as much.

New Year's resolution check-in:

  • Posted my twelfth blog post of the year last night, also cross-posted here in the CW thread.
  • Went to the gym three times last week. The weather's been so nice the last few days I haven't been able to summon the resolve to go any evening this week. Will have to go this evening. Can deadlift 1.84x my bodyweight for 3 reps, squat 1.22x for 8 reps and bench press .87x for 6 reps.
  • Have not consumed any pornography since waking up on January 1st.

How goes it @self_made_human, @thejdizzler, @birb_cromble, @ThomasdelVasto and @falling-star?

  1. Work. Caved and used Claude to help me fix my code. It found the big bug in about 2 seconds, and helped me fix some other problems, although not without me having to do some trouble-shooting. I'm definitely impressed, but this thing seems to me much more like a very smart junior dev than an actual genius.
  2. Fitness: Did 2x tempo sessions last week and hit 54 miles. Also went to the gym once which was great Weight is still in the 170s and not really budging much. Planning on maintaining calories and upping the gym and mileage a bit.
  3. Intellectual Stuff: Have completely fallen off the wagon with all of this. Think this is because I'm just completely overwhelmed with work and exercise.
  4. Finances: I should be a hair under 3k this month, and that's with flights to Germany and a new Oura ring payed for. Will update with specifics next week.
  5. Dating. Second date on Friday went really well too. I ended up having sex with this girl which broke a pretty long dry spell. Have another date this weekend and excited to see where it goes.
  6. Tarot. No session this week
  7. Socializing: Artscape in Baltimore this past weekend and hike with my roommate. Again too much socialization.
  8. Screen time: 1.2 hours phone. Definitely noticing a very strong relationship between screen time and energy levels.
  9. Mental health: sleeping well and feeling good.

I ended up having sex with this girl which broke a pretty long dry spell.

My man! Where's she from?

She's Brazilian but she's also American. She also knows Italian. A very sexy combination for me

No gym, some exercise, my excuse is that I'm overworked and depressed. At least I get cardio when I catch my bus or when I run around the hospital.

ever tried the opposite? do lot of physical work and your depression may reduce or you may become too tired to be aware of your depression.

I do a lot of physical work, if running around a hospital counts. Absolutely getting my steps in. Working out at home irregularly.

But no. I just hurt and ache all over. I suspect it's somatoform and a strong indicator of depressive relapse on top of undermedication for my ADHD.

Sadly, I can tell you that being too tired doesn't hide the depression.

dunno, why it has an Elijah under the Juniper tree feeling.

The physical work I was referring was either:

  1. Heavy Kettlebell Work (it could be 16K or 20K but not above that). The simplest is goto a shop, swap your credit card, pick it and walk back to your home. start with 10 minutes (= set a timer for 10 minutes, pick it with one hand, two hands, exchange hands while moving around, and move around without putting it down till the bell rings; that's all). Just for 1 week, do it daily 10-11 minutes. Do it any time in the day or night. Hell, do it before sending the first message into TheMotte. Seven Days.

  2. Heavy Resistance Training: 70-80% of your Rmax, 10-20 reps (in whichever way) within 5 minutes each, for Squats, Benchpress, and Deadlift. If interested, add Overhead Press. The Intensity (in terms of weight, not in terms of inducing fatigue) should be high.

Walking, running in hospital, mandatory steps all are low intensity workouts <-- not what I was suggesting.

Spending is $824.69 lower compared to the same day last year.

I was able to badger a reimbursement out of my dental insurance company. I'll be counting that as negative spending once I get that to the bank.

I've been lazy this week, haven't gone to the gym once yet. Trying to hit 2x per week. Planning to go today, then try for another workout Saturday or Sunday.

Wrote a couple of random fantasy short stories, enjoying that. I just want to write more than publish, necessarily.

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