thejdizzler
2d ago
So does NoFap/Semen Retention actually do anything? Or is it all a bunch of bullshit?
thejdizzler
3d ago
I wonder if it's because cyclists in general hate stopping. Decelerating and accelerating again on a bike is really annoying, and being forced to do repeatedly might be the source of the annoyance. Not that makes this acceptable behavior in a pedestrian space.
As a cyclist I think most of these interactions could be avoided if the roads were made safer for none cars. I'm not going to zoom through a public park if I can use a nearby road without feeling like I'm going to die.
thejdizzler
3d ago
Again, more anecdotes, not actual statistics. I don't doubt that you have had and continue to have these terrible interactions. But the statistics show that cars have at least 8x the rate of this behavior on average. Maybe we just don't notice because it's been so normalized, but the statistics don't show that ill behaving cyclists are any worse than the worst drivers.
thejdizzler
3d ago
I was hoping for a reasonable discussion from this place, but nope, once again the cyclist hate is out in full force in the comments to this very reasonable and balanced top-level post. Not one actual statistic about the actual danger from cyclists to pedestrians (vs. cars), just anecdotes about the one time a cyclist was really reckless and dangerous on the road that really pissed the poster off. As you state, cars are 8x more deadly to pedestrians (and this is not including to other motorists). And cyclists are supposed to be the arrogant, crazy, and entitled ones?
And that's also missing the fact that the real problem seems to be E-bikes, as you suggest, not analog bikes. Ebikes/mopeds/etc. are fundamentally different from analog bikes because you can easily reach much higher top speeds (whereas this usual requires being pretty experienced on an analog bike), you don't have to expend enormous amounts of energy stopping and starting (because you have an electric throttle), and your vehicle weighs much more, meaning it represents a much bigger risk to pedestrians than a 10-20 pound analog bike. Lumping analog bikers in the same category as those electric motorbikes is insane.
I understand the appeal of cars. They are fast and convenient and give you a lot of independence. But as a national form of transportation, they are incredibly wasteful of resources and space, kill tons of people, and make our cities and communities dysfunctional. And in a future on the downslope of fossil fuels, they won't be possible at the scale that they are now. I wish we would consider how to reduce our car dependency when we still have the surplus energy to do so, but I don't think these kinds of issues are on many people's radars here or in the wider world, so I doubt that this will happen.
thejdizzler
4d ago
Can you link the video? Sounds like something I need to hear.
thejdizzler
7d ago
As RandomRanger says below, sometimes you have to think about more important things than winning the next election. The debt is a very serious problem that will be resolved either by fiscal responsibility or by default. Both of these are going to hurt, but one is going to hurt much more than the other. If the voting public can't look beyond the immediate present and choose the least worst option (rather than merely punishing the party that institutes fiscal responsibility), then we do not deserve democracy and would be frankly better off in a political system where people with low-time preferences aren't allowed to dictate policy. I have some hope that maybe people aren't quite as stupid as they seem. Last time we talked about politics, even my dad who is a staunch entitlements defender recognized that we need to do something about the deficit. Being a budget hawk is coming out of conspiracy territory and into the mainstream.
Will something actually happen to prevent default? I unfortunately doubt it. There won't be higher taxes for at least the next 3 years, and Trump seems unwilling to actually touch the big spending categories. And I sort of see why. Can't cut defense because we are on the brink of WW3. Can't cut medicaid or social security because your voting base will revolt. The theatrics of DOGE conveniently dance around this fact, and I have been disappointed to see how many otherwise very on the nose bloggers/posters here (John Michael Greer is at the top of the list) are unable to see that. Cutting the NIH and NSF budgets, while it might feel good, doesn't fix the problem (and actually makes it worse as you actively contribute to brain drain of talent). We basically need either the boomers to die much faster than expected, for them to take one for the team and not collect social security (I would eat my hat), or some kind of massive improvement in health of the general population that greatly reduces medicare/medicaid expenses. None of these are going to happen, so we are basically fucked.
thejdizzler
7d ago
I think it's because Henry II (the first Trastamara) was technically a bastard. Makes it pretty hard to uphold the divine right of kings when you usurped the throne from your half-brother.
thejdizzler
7d ago
I just finished my 102nd book in Spanish yesterday! I've been learning spanish for about 5 years now, and reading has been a great way to improve in the language (the other things I do these days are watch Netflix/YouTube and take lessons once a week with a tutor on iTalki). Full list of books here, but some favorites below:
Olvidado Rey Gudú by Ana Maria Matute. Mix of Game of Thrones and a fairytale, nothing like it in English. The central premise is that the main character has been cursed (or blessed) with being unable to love. There also is no English translation, so you have to be able to read Spanish/Italian/German to be able to enjoy it. Longer review here
Crónica de una muerte anunciada by GGM. This is a who-dunnit but rather than a search for the murderer it's a search for the reason that the whole town allowed the murder to happen. This one has a pretty unreliable narrator, and has been increasingly fun on re-reads as I try and piece together the real motivations of the various characters.
Los cuerpos del Verano by Martin Felipe Castagnet. This is a short science fiction novella about a world without death where bodies are recycled. Probably one of the more depressing (but realistic) takes on trans-humanism I've seen in science fiction. My longer review here.
Castilla en llamas by Calvo Rúa Alberto. Non-fiction about the rise of the house of Trastamara (whose most famous monarchs are Isabella and Ferdinand). Probably one of the best arguments against monarchy ever: every time the King of Castille dies there's a civil war for succession in this period. The book did a good job of storytelling rather than just name dropping facts and people.
Translations of Joe Abercrombie: I love the first law trilogy, and these are some of the best fantasy translations I've come across.
thejdizzler
8d ago
The thing is all of them matter to me, although I guess I have to think about prioritization
50 miles a week is my "normal" mileage, although I haven't been up there for about 4 months because of injuries. I'm at about 35 right now so this is doable. 50 probably will take about six hours total. I'm a very good runner (2:35 marathon, 4;17 mile) and decent swimmer so this should be fine.
I needed to add more context for the Anki stuff! When I say 3k spanish cards I mean get up to that total. I'm at 2700 right now. I'm at 405 with Italian so it would only be 400 extra cards total. And my Spanish is quite good now (I just took the B2 test), so I think I'm ready to add Italian.
I have about 100 (free) subs on substack. I think posting there helps me think more clearly (as does here, but there's not a possibility of being paid for being a motte poster!
I should have also clarified about the reading. The Spanish and English reading are combined, so any reading I do for Spanish counts towards both goals. 400k words is about ~1600 pages, so this would be about half of my total goal!
More negative goals might be a good idea too (quit this, limit that). I have a soft goal of only watching one YouTube video a day. Hopefully this will save me some time.
Savings rate means save at least 20% of my take home income for the month. Basically means cutting down on spending.
Thanks for the feedback!
thejdizzler
8d ago
Chores spreadsheet basically just means doing my chores on time. I've got stuff like changing kombucha and yoghurt cultures and dusting/vacuuming that have longish time horizons that would be better if I spread them out, hence the spreadsheet.
thejdizzler
8d ago
One of my problems in general, but certainly when it comes to self improvement/wellness is trying to do too much at once. For example, here is my list of goals for this month:
• Chores spreadsheet
• 400k words read Spanish
• 2 substack posts
• Read 3000 pages total (~100/day, roughly 8-10 books).
• 4 Spanish gramar exercises
• Up 3k spanish Anki cards, 500 italian Anki cards
• 300 minutes of meditation total (average 10 min/day)
• 20 days fap free
• Swim 4 days a week
• Build to 50 miles a week running
• Savings rate of at least 20%
This + goals at work seems to overwhelm me. Are there specific goals in this list that you think I should focus on? Things that I should cut? Is there a better way to approach goal setting in general?
thejdizzler
8d ago
I think dating is a big part of it. There is no motivation for me to grind or hustle or finish my PhD fast because I don't see girlfriend/wife opportunities coming very easily.
thejdizzler
15d ago
Yea I'm gonna be careful. Unfortunately extra weight makes me significantly slower. I gained 20 pounds between spring 2023 and this spring and my times have suffered a lot. I'm trying to lose 3/4 of that weight (I was 155 in 2023, 175 earlier this spring, aiming for somewhere in the range of 160-162, which would put me at a BMI of 21.5 or so). I could lose more but then my swimming/body image will start to suffer.
thejdizzler
15d ago
Seems like we are in the same boat, although I'm not sure how interested in dating I am over the next few months, mainly focusing on trying to finish the PhD and healthmax.
I think you should get Lasik or something similar if you can, but glasses can also be attractive to a certain demographic.
thejdizzler
15d ago
Noted. Tan and carrot juice are both in the cards because it's summer baby!
thejdizzler
15d ago
What do you mean by dark eyes lol? My eyes are extremely pale blue. Will think about the carrot juice intake though: sounds tasty.
thejdizzler
15d ago
Thanks for all the advice. I think I need to get back to meditation, which should help with all of this. Also yes eating less beans/greasy food would be good too!
thejdizzler
16d ago
Not limited to vegans or environmentalists, but both of those things are important values of mine that might drive people away who don't agree, which is fine. I don't think I'm too thin. My BMI is ~22.5 (trying to lower my weight slightly to get faster again, but won't go much below a BMI of 21.5-22). Don't think I have veganface, but you can decide for yourself.
I thought the relationship would be quickly sexual. To be clear, we did make out, but every time I tried to escalate towards sex (i.e. fingering, taking off clothes), I was shut down. The discussion that prompted the break-up was me saying that I wasn't cool with this.
thejdizzler
16d ago
Yea honestly wasn't super attracted to her either, but I hadn't been having much luck dating so thought I would try it out. Should have listened to my gut.
You're 100% correct, I'm not super torn up about not being with this girl, certainly compared to the last one who took me 6 months to get over. It's more of a self-esteem/pride issue at this point, which will heal quickly. And a learning opportunity. If there isn't attraction don't force it. Part of me is a little sad to be losing this friendship, but after the things that this relationship taught me I don't think I want to be friends with her anyway.
thejdizzler
16d ago
Nope. Not at all. Which would normally be not that big of a deal for me, but was not cool knowing her history.
thejdizzler
16d ago
Thanks man. This is what I'm thinking too. I'm offering the goods for too cheap.
thejdizzler
16d ago
This is helpful, thanks! Going to get a haircut this weekend and start doing this.
thejdizzler
17d ago
Prompted by the discussion in the main thread about dating, I just broke up with the girl I'd been seeing for a few months, and am simultaneously relieved and feeling quite bad about myself. We had been friends for about 18 months, and I'd thought she'd liked me for a while but I wasn't particularly interested because she had done polyamory in the past. A few months ago she asked me out, and I initially said no, but changed my mind and said yes with the condition that there would be absolutely no polyamory. We got along really well, so things were good in some sense, but she didn't want to actually be intimate at all (despite complaining to me when we were friends about a previous boyfriend who didn't want to have sex), and told me yesterday when we broke up that she was feeling trapped.
I should never have said yes to this girl in the first place (polyamory is huge red flag), but this whole experience has been kind of a blackpill. She asked me out, so she clearly was attracted to me in some way, but there must have been something I did earlier in the relationship that really turned her off enough not to want to have sex. I don't want to have to be overanalyzing my every move trying to decide if it's given a girl the ick or not. It also didn't seem to matter at all how compatible we were platonically (both vegan, runners, huge readers): she still ended up feeling trapped because she wasn't romantically attracted and I wasn't cool with polyamory.
Some ideas I have for improving things in the future. Firstly, not saying yes to someone just because they asked and it looks good on paper. I knew in my gut that this wasn't going to work. Secondly, I think there are some small things that I can do with my appearance that could prevent the ick in the future: getting different conditioner so my swimmer hair isn't so straw-like, stopping eating beyond meat so I don't fart so badly, and getting rid of some old clothes. Thirdly, I think I need to get a car, or at least move somewhere where most other people don't drive frequently. Unfortunately driving everywhere is seen as a sign of "being a real adult" by a lot of Americans, and I think me biking everywhere might have been a factor in the lack of attraction (although she knew this when she asked me out). Finally, I think I need to get better at scaling my commitment appropriately relative to how much time we've been together, and how much the other person is willing to put into the relationship. This is something I have trouble with in all areas of my life (I'm 0 % or 100%, never in-between).
The dating scene is pretty bleak out there (which is why I said yes to this girl in the first place), and I honestly think this might be a sign to focus on getting my PhD done and making myself more attractive (getting in better shape, earning more money) rather than wasting time dating people in this shitty city.
thejdizzler
18d ago
I'm doing my PhD at Hopkins. I'll be done by May 2026 probably.
I like this framing!
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