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DirtyWaterHotDog

in an abusive relationship with you lot

5 followers   follows 0 users  
joined 2022 September 05 16:31:20 UTC 

				
User ID: 625


				
				
				

			

		

	














	


		


			



	

		

			

			

				

					

						

							
						

						

							
							

								
DirtyWaterHotDog


								
								
									
								
								

								

								
								
								

								
							
					
 
				


				
in an abusive relationship with you lot

				
				
				

				

					5 followers  

					follows 0 users  

					joined 2022 September 05 16:31:20 UTC
				


				
					

					
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User ID: 625


					
					
					
				

			


					

						
					



		

	

 











			
			

			
			

			




	


		

			
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				Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 22, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


The thing that is keeping me up tonight, l is that I can't actually do much




Yes.


It's my big learning of 2026. Took me years to accept this about my sibling.


We have a shared upbringing, shared experiences, shared professions and shared genetics. I was his confidant, his mentor, his taste maker. As a result, I took mutual empathy for granted. Turns out, I was wrong. I couldn't walk a mile in his shoes, not for his biggest problems. Those problems are his own. The assistance I so eagerly offer, is counter-productive. It hurts more than it helps.


I've since accepted that I can't offer assistance without trying to erect safety nets around the worst possible outcomes. Problem is, I have judged those outcomes to be the worst in context of my own insecurities. Put simply, I was projecting. It's not the vicarious pressure of an Asian tiger-mom. It's less malicious, but harder to put a finger on. Big credit to my girlfriend, she helped me give form to it.


You can't protect your brother from being judged by Indian society. You can't protect your brother from your father. You can't protect your brother from his own demons. You can't protect him from heartbreak. He sounds like a great guy. You must trust him. Let him take his decisions. Just be there for him as an unconditional shoulder. Life will work itself out.


That's at least where I am today. It's a difficult pill to swallow. But, I'm digesting it, slowly.


I've seen this pattern with high agency people. The more they care about something, the more effort they want to put into fixing it. To them, everything is a problem that can be solved. Find a problem, break it down, chip at it, repeat until solved. It's horrifying to learn that there will be problems that both keep them up at night and they can't do anything to solve. But yeah, end of they day, it's is someone else's life. It becomes intrusive, real fast.




P.S: Random comments and disclaimers I need to give because I am hopeless like that:


    

  • Who would've thought I'd be advocating for 'learned helplessness' in 2026 ? Not on my bingo card.
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  • If it wasn't obvious already, for reasons, I've became a surrogate father of sorts, and am struggling to separate myself as my brother comes of age. Your sibling relationship may not be the same as mine, so YMMV
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  • We are still close, talk every day, and I offer whenever he asks. In practice not much has changed. But, our conversations feel less strained now. I am still deathly scared that he may face catastrophic failure. I just keep to myself now.
    • 

  • You mentioned it below, but want to emphasize. Can't tell family you love them enough times. My brother taught my family to explicitly say it 5 years ago. Still takes my Indian ass some effort to say it, but always worth it.
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  • On personalities of gay men - Anecdotally, I found that many less-flamboyant & monogamous gay men come out of STEM. Not sure why, maybe it's just the general introversion and fixation of things over people. But yeah, if he's in Mumbai, then breaking into those circles may help him find that kind of guy.
    • 

  • On non-monogamy - My girlfriend's best friend is a married gay-man living the idyllic suburban life, with selective non-monogamy. From the sounds of it, it's closer to being swingers than the kind of eyes-wide-shut reputation that the media associates with gay men. Non-monogamy is a spectrum, of sorts.
    • 



				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 23, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


Not a single female trump voter I know hasn't had a major cosmetic procedure




Wow. I thought it was limited to the mar-a-lago types. Didn't realize it was affecting normal people. Do you live in a location at the intersection of performative beauty and polarization ? Miami, Orange County, Hamptons ?


TBF, I don't know any 21-40 yr old Trump voting women in person. I know MAGA men of all ages. I know MAGA women of advanced ages. But no young women.




majority of the normie democrats are right there with them




Could be where you live.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 23, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
It's an unfair comparison. <1% of America's women have Onlyfans. Pre-Onlyfans, ChatGPT (high thinking) estimates that around 0.4% of women were engaged in sex-adjacent work (prostitutes, bikini models, strippers, porn).


Today, the number remains inside that 0.1-1% order of magnitude.




deep in female nature is the desire to present themselves for sex




Evidence points to a <1% base rate of type of woman. That's still ~3 million American women, a large absolute number.


For comparison, around 50% of American men played computer games as a primary hobby at some point in their life. (controlled for those born after the 90s because computers games weren't accessible before then). Among U.S. teens today, 97% of boys say they play video games, and about 6 in 10 teen boys play daily.


Very different numbers.