HereAndGone2
No bio...
User ID: 4074
HereAndGone2
2hr ago
There are women who are constantly ending up with the guys who beat them or are otherwise abusive, and there are reasons why they always end up with that kind of guy.
If you're always ending up with women who are crazy bitches, there are reasons for that, too, and it's not "because all women are crazy bitches, duh".
One of the problems with cycles of abuse is that victims get conditioned to look for abusers (because that's how they understand to function), and abusers identify potential victims.
HereAndGone2
2hr ago
There's common social courtesy where everyone adheres to the same script, and there's "this is unreal but you have to pretend to believe it".
Coming in to work first thing in the morning and saying "hello, good morning" to my colleagues is not asking me to pretend up is down or fire is wet.
HereAndGone2
2hr ago
As a friendless virgin I have no experience with such situations, but that's what I imagine.
Well, unless you hatched out of an egg or were found under a gooseberry bush, you presumably grew up in a family. Did you all just grunt at one another?
HereAndGone2
2hr ago
A much more neutral greeting with no misleading implications is "hello".
Gandalf has entered the chat 🤣
“Good Morning!” said Bilbo, and he meant it. The sun was shining, and the grass was very green. But Gandalf looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat.
“What do you mean?” he said. “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
“All of them at once,” said Bilbo. “And a very fine morning for a pipe of tobacco out of doors, into the bargain. If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! There’s no hurry, we have all the day before us!” Then Bilbo sat down on a seat by his door, crossed his legs, and blew out a beautiful grey ring of smoke that sailed up into the air without breaking and floated away over The Hill.
“Very pretty!” said Gandalf. “But I have no time to blow smoke-rings this morning. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.”
“I should think so—in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can’t think what anybody sees in them,” said our Mr. Baggins, and stuck one thumb behind his braces, and blew out another even bigger smoke-ring. Then he took out his morning letters, and began to read, pretending to take no more notice of the old man. He had decided that he was not quite his sort, and wanted him to go away. But the old man did not move. He stood leaning on his stick and gazing at the hobbit without saying anything, till Bilbo got quite uncomfortable and even a little cross.
“Good morning!” he said at last. “We don’t want any adventures here, thank you! You might try over The Hill or across The Water.” By this he meant that the conversation was at an end.
“What a lot of things you do use Good morning for!” said Gandalf. “Now you mean that you want to get rid of me, and that it won’t be good till I move off.”
“Not at all, not at all, my dear sir! Let me see, I don’t think I know your name?”
“Yes, yes, my dear sir—and I do know your name, Mr. Bilbo Baggins. And you do know my name, though you don’t remember that I belong to it. I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means me! To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took’s son, as if I was selling buttons at the door!”
Looking it up, "good morning" as a polite greeting began in the early 15th century:
good morning
greeting salutation, c. 1400, from good (adj.) + morning. Earlier as good morwe (late 14c., from morrow), good morn. Compare good-night.To whom þou metys come by þe weye,
Curtasly 'gode morne' þou sey.
["The Little Children's Book," c. 1500]
HereAndGone2
2hr ago
Such small civilities are the lubricant by which society functions. "Fuck you, I don't give a damn" leads not only to atomised individuals but societal breakdown.
HereAndGone2
3hr ago
Flip me sideways, I never thought I'd be quoting a Tumblr post of all things, but here we go.
So, to cut it short: person posting talked about how they asked their husband "what are you doing?" and he got all defensive and upset. Couldn't understand why, so she asked him "what did you hear me saying?" and he replied "I thought you were angry with me, why wasn't I doing something, why was I being lazy?" She only meant literally "what are you doing?" as signal of being interested in him.
Conclusion of post was that asking about "what did you hear me saying" for both of them saved a lot of arguments, trouble, and misunderstanding.
I think this applies to our friend here; if what they are hearing from "how was your day?" is the start of an attack, then it's either Mommy Issues from childhood or maybe they need to work out why they are dating/involved with crazy bitches all the time.
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
there aren't any large corporate chain daycare (and many other large-scale child service providers), possibly because liability risk bounds the benefits of corporate mergers and acquisitions.
You could do it, but it would be expensive. And also probably taxed, because it would be considered benefit-in-kind. Would people be willing to work for Company A if it paid less because "and we include subsidised/free child care" than Company B which pays more (but you have to source and pay for your own child care)?
Also, just thinking about most office buildings and where they're located, it probably would be tough to convert part of the building into childcare facility (e.g. you need some kind of outdoor space/playground area for the kids to run around. Believe me, you got a room full of hyped-up four year olds, you want them to run around and burn off that energy). I do imagine your insurance premiums would go up by a hefty amount. Here's an example from Irish insurance provider for child care centres:
Public Liability (€13,000,000)
Employers Liability (€13,000,000)
Personal Accident cover for children and employees
Professional Liability (€6,500,000)
Directors and Officers Liability (€2,500,000)
Business Interruption (standard package includes cover of €150,000, increased to €200,000 for ECI members. This cover can be increased further upon request)
Contents cover (standard package includes cover of €20,000, increased to €25,000 for ECI and Direct Créche scheme. This cover can be increased further upon request)
Option to include buildings cover
Fidelity Guarantee – this covers loss of money or property belonging to your business as a result of fraud, theft or dishonesty committed by employees (€100,000)
Money cover – this covers loss of money from business premises (€15,000)
Legal Expenses cover – provides access to legal advice and support including a helpline, and legal costs, in the event of a dispute
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
I don't see much reason to believe that working is the general cause of people not having babies.
It's the double whammy of having to have a job outside the home, then you come home and the ordinary work still has to be done, plus you have to be available for demands of work. If you need to take time off for bringing kids to the doctor, dentist, stay home with a sick child, etc. then you find yourself falling behind or even let go because "yeah you're not here to do the job you're being paid to do". If you want to get on in your career, you need to be able to devote yourself to the job at least in the early years. If you want a life where eventually you can afford to have kids, you need that career. If you have kids early on, you can't have that career. It's catch-22.
Now, it's not impossible, I'm working in a place where lower middle-class to middle-middle class are working, and managing to have families. But it's not going to be the kind of "this is High Value Human Capital Driving The Economy Line Go Up Better World Through Progress" work and careers that is also complained about (not enough Smart Productive People having babies, why not? Because it's very damn difficult to eat the cake and still have it, is why).
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
sitting around at home doing nothing productive
So... cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking care of husband and children, being involved in elder care, maintaining the house - that's all "sitting around doing nothing"?
Gosh, I had no idea my house miraculously looked after itself so all that scrubbing I did this morning was completely unneeded and was, in fact, sitting around doing nothing productive! Whereas if I worked for a contract cleaning firm doing the exact same job of cleaning but in an office building, not my home, that would be Real Productive Work!
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
That's it. Mother having a part-time job or no job while the kids are small, because Father can earn enough to provide a reasonable life, was the default. But the push for economic growth meant "get more women into the workplace" and now economic factors mean "if you want to pay the bills, both of you have to be working".
I don't know the solution to that. I don't think there's an easy solution.
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
Right now we do have a shortage of workers in that sector. When the boom collapsed with the demise of the Celtic Tiger, a lot of the Eastern European workers went home, and the native Irish workers had no jobs so went abroad to look for work. So there's a shortage of skilled workers to take up any slack to expand the industry, hence the "we need a bigger pool to draw apprentices from" messaging.
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
There's also the background philosophy/religious element, which is where you can see the influence on Buddhism, about "you are deceived by appearances, you think that these are family members who have links with you, but this body is not really you, it's like a suit of clothes you put on and take off. In your last life, who were all these people to you? In your next life, who are all these people to you? Only the body dies, the soul lives on, so you are not killing anyone and they are not killing you, the real you. The only lasting real thing is the Dharma".
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
I just thought it was funny to see the picture of him sitting with other Indian members and they both look like 'yeah, native blood there' and he's clearly "ah shure me great-grand da was from Fermanagh". He probably does have the 1/32nd background from his probable heritage, but good gosh, it's taking full advantage of the system.
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
You need two good jobs if you want a house, two cars, eight TVs and a steady stream of parcels delivered to your door and a lifestyle in which most of the domestic labor is done by servants or robots.
I wish, but it's not. Just to get the ordinary "get married, buy a house, have kids" life (and not two cars etc.) you need both partners in the couple working fulltime or forget it.
HereAndGone2
5hr ago
Yeah, it's Scott's Moloch all the way down. Nobody planned to set it up this way, but it has now come to the point that we're wrecking ourselves but can't stop because if we do the entire house of cards falls down and then it's dystopia time.
HereAndGone2
9hr ago
I think we're about twenty years too late on that, at the most conservative estimation. Campaign promises have long been "you'll get pie in the sky when you die". The sincere find out, when they do get elected, that inertia and a thousand other reasons are why they can't in fact push through the reforms they ran on (often single issue causes) and the cynical seasoned types know that you promise the rubes whatever they want to hear but nobody seriously expects you to do what you said (and if they do, you have those thousand reasons why it can't be done).
What really burned me on Obama was that while running, he was going to close down Guantanamo Bay which I thought was the only sensible damn thing to do with the mess, but once elected well oh dearie me can't be done, shouldn't be done. I had no great expectations about him but I did hope that as a liberal Democrat he at least would do that one thing. Well I got it reinforced not to trust any politician about the colour of daylight for sure, there.
Markwayne Mullin
Seems to be, and I say this with love because I'm rural white lower-class myself, rural white lower-class naming:
Mullin was born on July 26, 1977, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, the youngest of the seven children of Jim Martin Mullin and Brenda Gayle Morris Mullin, of Westville, Oklahoma.
His first name is a tribute to two of his paternal uncles, Mark and Wayne; his mother put both names on his birth certificate, intending to later shorten his name to one of the two, but ultimately never did.
So instead of calling him "Mark (first name) Wayne (middle name)" or "Wayne (first name) Mark (middle name)", Mom called him "MarkWayne" (or the idiot registrar filling out the birth certificate did). I can see Mom not wanting to choose between which brother would be the first name, but come on now. Either "Mark Wayne" or "Wayne Mark". If the official name on his birth cert was put down as "Markwayne" then okay, he's stuck with it if he hasn't chosen to change it himself.
EDIT: Apparently he is also Cherokee (excuse me coughing into my fist here) so yeah. Lizzie Warren is not the only "great-grandma was a Cherokee princess!" out there 😁 Feck's sake, look at this guy's photo. I was betting on "Mullin is kinda Irish, he could be one of our own", I was not thinking "Ah yes, clearly an Indigenous descendant".
Mullin is an enrolled citizen of the Cherokee Nation, and one of four Native Americans serving in the 119th Congress. He is the first Native American senator elected to Congress since Ben Nighthorse Campbell retired in 2005, and the second Cherokee Nation citizen elected to the Senate (after Robert Latham Owen, a U.S. senator representing Oklahoma from 1907 to 1925).
HereAndGone2
10hr ago
Throwing more fuel on the bonfire of "women: what is the matter with them?"
On the one hand, this should hearten those who like to leave comments regarding feminism with "why aren't they fighting for the right to work in coal mines?" (disregarding that there was a history of women working in coal mines, this was considered terrible, and it was made illegal for women to work down mines).
On the other hand, it will dishearten those who think the solution to the TFR problem is "just encourage girls to get married and start having babies straight out of high school, don't go to college, don't be career-focused".
The Construction Industry Federation (CIF) had called for sustained strong leadership to further grow the number of women employed in the sector.
The CIF said it is essential to support the drive to meet Ireland's housing, infrastructure and climate challenges.
According to the federation, just 11% of those employed in construction in Ireland are women.
"We can’t afford, economically or socially to draw from only half the population," said CIF CEO Andrew Brownlee.
"The challenge is too big, and the opportunity to attract and retain the best talent to our industry is too important," he added.
The CIF is hosting an International Women’s Day Summit in Co Meath today.
The event is focused on highlighting pathways to careers in construction for women including via STEM subjects and construction-related apprenticeships.
"Our industry is changing and evolving every day and we will become even stronger as our workforce diversifies," said Joanne Treacy, Southern Regional Director with CIF.
"Our International Women’s Day Summit, which this year has the theme 'Give to Gain', will showcase an exceptional line-up of leading female experts to illustrate to women and girls from school-age onwards the vast opportunities a career in construction can bring," Ms Treacy said.
Right now, the way most economies in the developed world work, if you want a reasonable standard of living, you need two people working full-time jobs (and as good salaries in those jobs as you can get). Want a mortgage for a house so you finally can have those two kids? Both of you better be working your little behinds off or the banks won't even look at the application form (and I fill in financial details on said application forms for our staff who are applying for mortgages, so I can speak on this).
Want a good enough career to get those salaries? Better go to college and get qualifications, as this newspaper columnist says in his article about his teenage son having a work experience placement:
The greatest education I have ever received was in the workplace.
There is nothing quite like learning on the job, having systems and processes seared into your psyche through repetition, and occasionally learning things the hardest way of all – by enduring the shame of doing a task completely wrong and being told off.
But there is also great learning in having a job you don’t enjoy.
...The 17-year-old also learned some valuable life lessons during his recent week of work experience. He managed to get a few days working in a food production facility, and there he also learned a lot about modern food production, specifically, that much as he loves the end product, he’s not wild about being part of the magical process of making it.
It was an incredibly demanding few days, with dawn starts, long hours, and working at breakneck speeds to keep up with those around him. I’ve seen him take two days to unload a dishwasher so I can only imagine the pressure he felt.
But the experience made him start thinking about the future – any time we try to bring up college or career, he seems not to have any particular plan, or even really grasp the concept, but his work experience helped him focus on that in the same way I did.
After leaving school and dropping out of college, I worked in a kitchen for two years, where I learned a lot, mainly that I have absolutely no culinary talent, but also that I needed to go back to college and get some qualifications so I could get a job where I didn’t have to chop onions for ten hours a day.
And that last is the important part: for a decent job, you need qualifications. For qualifications, you need college. If college, no early marriages and child-bearing. And the current economic structure is, as I said, both of you better be working or forget it.
So all the neat solutions about 'get women back into the home' aren't that neat or practical when it comes down to it. I'd love for women to be free to be homemakers, wives and mothers instead of "the only value in your life is work, and the only valuable work is paid work, so get a job outside the home". But it takes two to tango, and it's not all down to "if only women weren't so uppity, problem solved!" Businesses are pushing to get more women into work. Maybe the promised AI future will mean "robots do all the jobs, AI makes the economy so productive nobody has to work, UBI means you can stay at home and have three babies and raise them yourself".
Or maybe not, and it will be "if you're not working some kind of job, you are on the breadline, and if you want a good job in the increasingly AI-dominated economy, you better have super skills and super qualifications, so more college, more everything, personal life? who needs that?".
HereAndGone2
1d ago
Can't believe I'm using "Game of Thrones" as an instance, but think of the Targaryens and Jaime "Kingslayer" Lannister. The Targaryens are the result of putting family over duty, of literal incest used to keep the bloodline pure, and the results of that are not good. Jaime is faced with a choice: do his duty as a member of the Kingsguard, obey the king, and be part of a massacre. Or break his oath, with a devotion to the higher good.
Now, Jaime's choice is not pure, because there's self-interest there, there's trying to save his father's life, and other things. But it's something like the choice Arjuna is facing: do what society says you should and must do, or do what is right by the higher truth?
"How can you fight and kill your family and mentors?" is a hard choice, but the results of “If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country” is that eventually it becomes corrupted into "our little cabal and what is best for us, and to hell with the country, the constitution, the law, and the lesser beings".
HereAndGone2
1d ago
Doctor Doom could be great but (1) you need to have a decent actor playing Reed Richards as the deuteragonist and (2) you need a really good writer not to make Doom stupid, Richards weak and stupid, and avoid temptations about ret-conning or making the villain too sympathetic and (3) yes, you do need Reed Richards, Victor has set up his entire notion of revenge against him even if stepping back and looking at it as an outsider that's dumb, Victor and (4) don't forget that he's ruler of Latveria and well-regarded by his people since he is actually a decent ruler, don't make him some kind of 'this is commentary on Trump authoritarian fascist dictator Amerikkka nazi bad guy'.
I don't trust any studio right now to pull that off.
HereAndGone2
2d ago
Yeah, I think for something where the plot is only an excuse for the ACTION!!!, you can get away with it (though as we've seen, Marvel have managed to milk the cow dry, with people finally getting burned out on the plethora of movies being released). I might go see a fourth Iron Man movie. I'm unlikely to go see Ant-Man. When we get to "nobody knows or cares about this character, why are they getting a movie?", you stay home and see if there's anything on Netflix.
HereAndGone2
4d ago
If birth certificates are updated regularly to reflect changes in the life circumstances of a person
Yeah. We need to decide what birth certificates and similar documents are for; are they proof of identity based on physical fact (time, space, location, etc.) or are they simply vanity plates for your life (okay, I wanna change my name/where I was born is too hicksville/Mom and Dad are horrible meanies, I want to be Uncle Bert's kid instead!)
HereAndGone2
4d ago
Because the more sequels you add to any franchise, the more it gets diluted. You have your novel idea, that's the first movie. You have questions arising or undeveloped plot points from the first movie, that's your second. Maybe you can get a third out of it, but from that point on, you're just trapped in Flanderization (see all the slasher movie/horror movie franchises which run out of ideas until they're at the point of "for the fifteenth time, the dead serial killer is resurrected but this time in, uh, spins wheel of fortune space!")
HereAndGone2
7d ago
They were a full adult, very reserved, Christian and generally conservative, and they didn't tend to really reveal anything private about themselves. So it was quite a shock when they came out. They weren't out to score political points or be trendy or live out a fetish or whatever you might be thinking. They just wanted to live authentically, to heal whatever psychic suffering they struggled under.
Someone like that, yeah, I have sympathy. Maybe even let's permit them to put female on the driver's licence, though that's a big switch. They're not trying to score points, they want to live as normally as they can.
But the problem is that they are lumped in with, and used by, the types like Mr. Restaurant Misgendered who made a career out of looking to be offended in order to create those videos. Mr. Misgendered gets repudiated by the trans activism groups as a narcissistic grifter, then I have no problem with your acquaintance getting help and support because there's genuine need there. But Mr. Misgendered won't be, that's the trouble.
Honey bun, I grew up with no running water and my mother washing clothes for a family of six by hand. Don't tell me I have no idea about the difficulties of past labour, it wasn't in the past so far as I and the neighbours around me were concerned.
There's still a lot of work to be done in households now; we expect washing to be done regularly, not just on one specific day. The house should be cleaned every day, not just once a week or longer intervals where you would take up carpets. All the modern conveniences did take the physical labour out of things, but there is still work to be done. And as Parkinson's Law states, "work expands to fill the time available". Just as mechanisation in the office did not mean "gosh, now I can get all the letters typed in the morning that used to take all day to write by hand, I can go home at twelve o'clock now with my work day over!" but rather "now there is even more work to be done because now instant replies to letters is the new expectation", so with housework.
Fewer hours, but not fewer expectations. Someone pointed out that women now spend more time with their children than 1950s full time housewives, and that's just one of the 'expansion of expectations' - now you have to manage all the extracurriculars your child/children should be doing, for one thing.
More options
Context Copy link