Terracotta
11mo ago
Actual woman here (although not the woman in question), and my read is that although you had the best of intentions, this one was kinda on you. Why did you kiss her the second time in the same evening without any positive feedback from her, and the third time after substantial negative feedback from her (saying she'd like to call an Uber, mentioning too many people buying her drinks, telegraphing tiredness)?
First kiss definitively declared your sexual interest and established you as a confident guy who's comfortable taking the initiative. At that point, initiating more kissing, unless she's first initiated some reciprocal physical move toward you entirely of her own accord, adds no new information and risks tilting it over to "dude is overly aggressive and may or may not think he's bought himself a BJ with some figurines." You seem to be interpreting her passive compliance with handholding/ getting in the car/ being kissed/ etc. as encouragement, but plenty of women and especially preacher's-daughters-turned-leftist-activists were intensively socialized to be polite and go along when people demand interaction in social situations, particularly after somebody gave them a present. Then, at least in the normal social argot of the girls I know, "God I'm tired/ I've had too many drinks" is an expression of vulnerability, cue to visibly set aside your own goals and switch into gallant caretaking mode, "Cool, and you have a busy day tomorrow, so let's get you home safe, can I call an Uber? Is your friend around?" and then chastely load her in the cab with a squeeze of the hand and text the next day to say you enjoyed the evening, like Tom Hanks would do in a 90s romcom.
Note, this is a perfectly honest misunderstanding and I'm not trying to be harsh, more to address your fatalistic "why am I not allowed to do things regular people do??" This doesn't seem like anything wrong with you or her, just colliding sets of instincts, like you might see any day with a toddler feeding squirrels.
Terracotta
11mo ago
There are some Catholics on the Motte, right? What do you do for guidance/ clarification on finer points of doctrine as they relate to everyday moral behavior? I'd imagine the first-line recourse is just "ask your parish priest," but for questions that are a little more theologically complex, or where you've gotten conflicting information already?
Through generations of sexual assault and limited-opportunity marriage, that sub-population was also forced to incorporate substantial genetic contributions from the most brutal and impulse-driven individuals among the white Borderers in their vicinity, a group that had overall been actively pre-selected for violence and low conscientiousness. Given the way white Appalachia mirrors Baltimore, I haven't heard anyone rule out the possibility that the whole thing is just those Borderer genes, full stop.
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