Throwaway05
6d ago
So this is a bit tricky - I don't disagree with some gentle attempts at redirection for self_made, EVERYONE always has room to improve after all.
However as someone who has worked a bunch of "high level" jobs within and without healthcare....it's an evergreen mistake to model healthcare as anything like a functional business. In the majority of physician roles feedback exists only to get rid of someone or for toxic personalities to dump on trainees for example.
If you know a bit about academia that's a good model. Feedback almost always comes from unskilled managers, is often outright malicious, and is nearly impossible to deliver in a way that's not grossly anxiety provoking as people are often a decade and hundreds of thousands of dollars into training with no recourse if someone decides to fuck them (that's a tad more US specific).
Trainees breaking down, crying, and even killing themselves happens with some regularity. Shit is fucked.
That doesn't mean self_made shouldn't try and get more insight into the way he presents on this board (or to his coworkers) but healthcare work is its own breed and incredibly challenging and devastating even when management is on point which it usually isn't since academic physicians are essentially also managers by default.
It's so bad that people often effectively get personality disorder from training (think for instance god complex surgeons) which is.....not ideal.
I've done some forensic work and my practice setting gets me more exposure even when I'm working on civilian units.
It is okay to be burnt out by what you hearing.
It is also okay to not be burnt out. Sometimes people find something not triggering - don't feel guilty if certain types of crimes or criminals don't bother you.
Therapy is completely reasonable, the formal, big T-Trauma includes exposure to bad shit in certain vulnerable populations (medical staff, police, etc.). That's not quite you but what you are working with gets you damn close. Trauma... can be bad. I don't know if they do video visits but you can find therapists who specialize in high achieving individuals with a need for sensitivity due to their profession.
The natural arc in healthcare for people working with forensic patients is to eventual leave and stop. Some people don't have the temperament or just lose it because they've seen too much.
I know that's not ideal for you because of location but life is too short to be miserable. If it's what you need, that's what you need.
For me I hold onto the wins - people being jammed up, people who try and improve, people who are upfront and polite, you can pick out good bits and mentally focus on that to fuzz over the bad stuff.
Working deeply with the American criminal population is to some extent like being a veteran. People who haven't gone through it just don't understand.
I hope you find your balance.
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