fribble
8d ago
I am a pacifist. I taught my daughter to walk away. My husband is not. He taught her to throw punches like she meant it.
When one of her roommates had a guy come over who wouldn't leave when he was told to, my daughter talked him out of the apartment. (Pacifism wins!) And then she bought a baseball bat. (Sigh.)
Amish-style pacifism includes no violence in self-defense. I don't see that as being a doormat; my husband does. When our daughter was little, I agreed to engage in violence should her safety require it - it's one thing to choose pacifism for one's self, another to cause harm to someone else through that choice. Where is your line?
fribble
15d ago
Have you talked to your mom? My college aged kid has been making food-in-house requests that we have taken seriously ever since her middle schooler fruitarian phase. For example, today she specifically asked her dad not to buy her a diet Coke when he runs errands - she will drink it if it's in the house but she would prefer not to. Maybe your mom would happily share the cookies and cake with neighbors or a social group. Or portion and freeze it. Hopefully your mom would like to support you in your goals.
fribble
26d ago
Which sort of begs the question: how in the world do volunteer fire departments exist, especially when there are non-volunteer departments in the same area?
I live in area with volunteer and government supported fire departments. I have been told it is almost impossible to join the government supported fire department without experience. So a lot of young folks join the volunteer fire department as a way to get that experience. Same reason a lot of young folks become EMTs because they plan to apply to med school. Of course, many people change life course so people who intended to move on from being EMTs or volunteer fire fighters end up sticking with it rather than moving on.
So, I don't know what my response will be in every scenario because humans are messy, but I do know at this stage of my life I have responded to violence with passive resistance successfully and not felt like a doormat (regardless of the outcome - though in my world the end result has generally been positive). The line excusing violence isn't very low, it doesn't exist. But that's not simply a rejection of violence as its own thing. It's because violence is a failure response. It cannot be successful (there may be a perception of short term success like eating poor quality food might feel good or like it silences hunger, but it's not an optimal solution). My husband doesn't have and does not agree with this framing, and on some level views it as the excuses a weaker party tells herself knowing even if she engaged in violence she would lose (usually). I think that's not uncommon for non-pacifists, and why many think "doormat." But I don't think they're considering longer term consequences or "win" states beyond the most obvious (if "winning" is even a thing).
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