fribble
7d ago
Stroke and turn for summer is a lot less stringent than year round. It's a good time to learn!
Good on you for doing it. That's a position that always needs filling.
fribble
10d ago
It's my daughter's 23rd birthday this month. The first without her father. And I am so incredibly sad.
She got a new job she will be starting soon. He was so proud of her. They had a mutual admiration society. And she can't tell him about it. Or argue with him about minutiae until they both can't stand to be in the same room with each other.
To be a 6 year old for a moment - it's so unfair.
fribble
11d ago
My shipment went on a tour of the midatlantic states before it got to me today. In this shipment are the Alubia Blanca Bean, Cranberry Bean, French Green Lentil, Good Mother Stallard Bean, Green Baby Lima Bean, San Franciscano Bean, and a spice blend.
My current plan is to make succotash with the Green Baby Lima beans. That'll give me a lunch for the next couple weeks. I'm going to do a test, 1/2 lb of them made with fresh corn, and 1/2 lb with frozen corn. I'm curious if fresh vs frozen will make any difference when made into a dish. I'm not a huge fan of lima beans, but these are supposed to be worth trying. We'll see.
fribble
11d ago
I have been fairly solitary my whole life. I got married and I am happy I did. But where most marriages have the wife manage the social calendar, my husband had his own social calendar and I pretty much avoided it. Managing work, a child, and a spouse was more than enough.
When our child headed off to college it was an opportunity for further peace and quiet in the house, not galavanting with friends. My husband died early this year (we're in our 50s). So this level of solitude is new. But it's also the path my mom took when my dad died (when she was in her 50s) and she's quite happy.
The idea that we need to live in each other's pockets is an odd one. There is plenty of interest to engage in without the messiness of people.
fribble
12d ago
I am older and wiser and opting out of any future relationships I am not already obligated to maintain. I will continue my relationships with my mom and my daughter. Otherwise, my focus is work. And (solitary) hobbies. I have enough to keep me busy. I will leave the people for others.
fribble
14d ago
Don't just think, run the numbers. Trying to plan on vibes would make me itchy. Forecasting out your current budget and adding health insurance costs and your other known early retirement expenses would give you good numbers to work with. Talking about exactly how many years of work are needed to pay for exactly what kind of lifestyle is really helpful.
Your partner may agree that 10 more years of work to pay for a country club membership every year isn't a good trade off. You may agree that 5 more years of work for a yearly trip to do a walking tour in Ireland is a good trade off.
fribble
14d ago
These seem in contradiction to me. How can you consider separately whether to cover things if it's all "your" [combined] money?
I meant in terms of skills. We didn't need to pay for classes. We already had the knowledge in-house.
in the event of divorce.
This says to me there are other things going on.
In terms of money, most of our retirement and investments are from "my" money/efforts. (I say this because we could have had a lot more money if he hadn't spent as much as he did.) Yet, it was his retirement we were planning. If I had been planning for a divorce no way could we (I) have made these choices. I don't think I would have been willing to pay for the retirement of someone I might divorce. But I would happily do it for someone I loved.
I'd be concerned about the travel example. What are your plans for when you retire? If you're planning to travel then, why not front load some of those costs rather than saving enough money to do it all later? If you're not planning to travel, marrying someone who wants to might be a sticking point.
fribble
14d ago
It can also be a tool for people who are bad with money. One of my plans was to buy an annuity that would cover taxes/utilities just in case I predeceased my husband. Sometimes his ADHD would be his worst enemy so it would have made me feel better to know he would have some basics taken care of without needing to think about them. (Generally annuities aren't a good bet, imo.)
fribble
15d ago
We didn't have an income gap but that would have been irrelevant because it was all our money.
We were mostly on the same page with child costs. I am the cheap one but I wasn't going to deny my kid art or music lessons when she wanted them even though my husband could have covered the art and I could have covered the music. My husband would have let her redo her wardrobe at every whim through teenage years but was fine when I said no, she needed to make do and augment. Or get a job.
We were not on the same page with saving until we had several years of marriage under our belts. My husband would joke when we got married we both thought we were broke. Me because I only had a few thousand in savings (had sped run through paying off student loans) and him because he couldn't get the last few cents from his bank acct through the ATM (anything he could get out he spent on Magic cards or computer games). So for every "frivolous" thing he wanted we would save an equal amount. Did that until he realized saving was beneficial, and there was enough stashed to feel like "real money" to him. It helped that we held off on kids for the first decade of marriage, so even though I am a tightwad the dink life is pretty sweet.
Why are you thinking about income asymmetry? Do you keep separate finances?
fribble
15d ago
Once I get my first shipment (est. Monday) I can report in on the variety and what I might try to make with them.
fribble
15d ago
Too goofy, huh? Supposedly the quality and variety is excellent. I will be interested to see if I can tell a difference.
fribble
15d ago
Thanks for the pointer. It's going to take me a while to get this figured out. I have an incredibly well stocked spice cabinet which should allow for plenty of experimenting. How are carrots considered an aromatic??
fribble
15d ago
I finally got off the Rancho Gordo bean club wait list. I joined the wait list when I had a husband who was a brilliant cook. I am not a good cook. My daughter is an excellent cook, but she eats beans only occasionally and isn't as willing to cater to my whims as my husband was.
This means I am going to have to try really hard to cook beans without ruining them. It is too ridiculous to belong to a bougie bean club, so I have to at least try!
fribble
26d ago
I grew up with a ~20 yr old classroom set of Brittanica and it was awesome. The volumes were large and full of pictures and easy explanations. My family would randomly look things up. And it was useful even when out of date - e.g. my folks would have us look up the names of the continents at the library and we could discuss why knowledge changes over time.
Yesterday my daughter asked if we really needed a dead tree dictionary, and if I insisted we did did we really need both a Websters and an Oxford English dictionary. (In her defense, dyslexia makes using dictionaries particularly challenging.)
I made the Rancho Gordo baby green lima beans into succotash (x2, one with fresh corn, one with frozen. Not enough difference to trouble myself with fresh corn). It's reasonable. I am not anti lima bean but they also aren't a preferred bean. I may try the lentils once I finish eating the succotash.
Continuing the task of cleaning out the pantry, I used up some old unflavored gelatin by making coffee gelatin squares. It worked! I don't know why that surprises me, but it does. I don't like coffee so I will find out how my coworkers feel about coffee Knox blocks.
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