lagrangian
1mo ago
I think the disconnect is somewhere in which sets are equal vs subsets of "consented" "said yes but was much drunker" "was much drunker but I didn't realize", but have lost the thread of exactly what.
lagrangian
1mo ago
I have at no point intended my comments to be gendered, although I have almost certainly said man (by which I meant less drunk/larger) and woman (by which I meant more drunk/smaller). Heck, apply it to nonbinary dragonkin.
So, we may agree on ~everything.
lagrangian
1mo ago
h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6{font-size:inherit;}
Literally less legible than assembly. Thanks.
lagrangian
1mo ago
If you have to ask, the answer is no. I.e., I think the moral thing is to view the default as "no consent" and require positive evidence to move to "consent." If you can't count to ten, you can't give that evidence. I don't even think that's overdone liberal nonsense, of which there's a lot on this subject.
Concretely, if she's so much drunker than me and hotter than me that I can not picture her feeling less than grossly violated tomorrow, then the sex feels very rapey. If I think we're both buzzed and we might both feel a little gross about it tomorrow, then shrug, she made her choices.
I in practice solve these complex moral dilemmas by being old, boring and sober. It's remarkable how much complex modern feminist 'BUT WHAT IS CONSENT EXACTLY' goes away if you allow the answer to be even as serious as "a thing two people who are multiple dates do while sober".
lagrangian
1mo ago
I mean I can imagine the framework, insomuchas axioms are axioms, but are you saying you think the 30/9 case is, or can reasonably be argued to be, closer to fraud than rape? If so, I disagree, but it's just marginally within the realm of things I could imagine reasonable people thinking.
lagrangian
1mo ago
That all seems reasonable. What is the current status of French law?
lagrangian
1mo ago
No, but I don't think the analogy tells us much. They are certainly both destruction of property, even if only one is arson-y; similarly in the rape side of the analogy both are rape, even if only one is violent-y.
(There's a weaker argument I could add that both forms of rape are violent, but that's sufficiently far into repurposing words that I won't stand by it real strongly.)
lagrangian
1mo ago
Plus, of course, the guy in this situation has probably also been drinking.
The hypothetical as I am thinking about it is that the man is knowingly much less drunk. If everyone is very drunk, I think that's less of rape and more of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" all around.
There's a word for a guy who consistently engages in that sort of reasoning (not just in this particular case, but in general) and that word is "virgin"
I think your point stands for a smallish group of those you're describing, "white knight" types, who should yes in fact move in the drunker/less-rigidly-consent-requiring direction.
But, in general, I prefer the word "adult." I found dating got exponentially easier as I started advertising being a ~sober, boring, responsible adult instead of being maximally able to consume booze/etc.
lagrangian
1mo ago
statutory rape is very much not rape
To be clear, are you espousing the belief that an adult (e.g. a 30 year old man) is in no way morally transgressing to have sex with an enthusiastic twelve year old? Nine year old? Toddler?
lagrangian
1mo ago
controversial
I don't think the moral importance of age of consent in general is controversial even on here. Don't get me wrong, I'd welcome any interesting discussion you'd like to have here.
But, I think the fact on the ground is that while posters would disagree on exact ages, allowances across cultures, etc, most people think there should be some age and/or age-gap that makes it definitionally impossible to consent.
lagrangian
1mo ago
getting taken advantage of
I think a key detail here is that alcohol is a helluva drug. It's quite easy, especially as a smaller, younger woman to overestimate your tolerance. Either of you also might not know what's in the punch exactly, or how long you hit the keg.
So, the ethical thing is to look at the person as you're getting to bed and ask "ok, but really, is it OK to have sex here?" I think if she'd never in a million years have sex with you after a moderate amount of alcohol, no. If in the heat of the moment and a bit buzzed, she'd probably have said yes, you're at least in grey territory, potentially fine, depending on the details.
lagrangian
1mo ago
If she's "too drunk to count to ten" let alone passed out, it strikes me as very similarly morally to rape-at-knifepoint. Not quite as bad, but not "obnoxious liberal word expansion" levels of different.
I'm curious, to any older commenters especially: does usage like this of "rape" strike you as euphemism treadmill, or is this just the natural range of the word? I suspect it's the latter, but maybe I'm young(ish). I'd think to use "rape" for the above and knife-point when that detail isn't central, and say "violent rape" when the knife (/threat/etc) is central to the discussion.
I love the new site UI, even relative to old.reddit. But, I miss two RES features:
- custom user tags
- the net upvotes I've given a user
Are either/both of these plausible from a scaling standpoint? I'm a backend dev with some spare time the next few weeks and happy to take a stab at 'em. If so, maybe point me to where to start digging?
See e.g.:
Edit: I poked around the codebase. I forget this is generally simpler when not in FAANGland. Looks doable, I'm going to see about a prototype over the next few days, starting with #1. I still haven't thought about scaling, but again I suspect the answer is this is not FAANGland, it'll be fine. If we can manage the 'new comment' markers, surely this is doable, too.
lagrangian
1mo ago
Meta: I dislike giant bold text. Is there a setting to disable this, custom CSS or something? Super not a frontend person...
Russian allies in the US still think Putin is the based defender of Christian civilization against the homosexual globalists
What % of Americans do you think this is? Above or below lizardman constant? I'd guess way below, like OOM less than "literal Nazi," but maybe it's my bubble.
lagrangian
1mo ago
The people aspect is huge. This is why I want to work at Jane Street. Also because OCaml is amazing and HFT is challenging and because of the pay, but the people this attracts is why it's I think the only place for which I'd be willing to deal with snow and commuting instead of remote work from paradise.
Rust? Good luck getting business logic done over the din of nerds playing with a type system. Java? You're gonna get a culture of boring adults. Javascript? Scrappy startup types who may not write tests, they ran it like twice.
lagrangian
1mo ago
adb shell settings put secure accessibility_display_daltonizer -1 I believe should do it. That's from ChatGPT, so grain of salt, but, it looks plausible and similar to these github colorblindness tricks. Also not clear to me if you can override that from settings without adb, which would defeat the purpose, but I say give it a try. See also google groups.
lagrangian
1mo ago
Agreed to all of that, but you still have to do it to signal that you're interested in her.
lagrangian
1mo ago
It's interesting to me that you seem to have better luck than me at first (likes/matches/conversations), but worse after that. I get some likes/matches/conversations (certainly not more than makes sense), but once we agree on a time and place, I can't remember the last time it didn't work out.
Wildly speculative theory: you're more attractive than I am (hence, more matches) but doing something offputting after that. Rather than do the confrontational thing and say no to you, or even unmatch, rather than be decent enough to be decisive at all, they just flake etc. Typical female behavior, and understandable enough, given the fear of anger from anything more direct.
lagrangian
1mo ago
I don't see anything.
lagrangian
1mo ago
It's very stupid, but a culture of fear inside the company prevents anyone from dialing back. The sculpting is counterproductive.
I don't think it's a culture of fear so much as a culture of adults doing their jobs so as to earn money. The vast majority of people are doing technical (or legal, or design) work that is politically neutral. A tiny sliver are doing whatever intentional political tuning goes on. Even on the political tuning teams, I suspect the attitude is much less "I hate these politics, but I'm afraid if I speak out I will get fired" than "These politics are not important to me but I sure know what to say to get promoted."
lagrangian
1mo ago
A motivated young person can easily earn $300k annually by age 30. Not as a doctor, not as a lawyer or consultant, nor as a software engineer. But it's quite possible, even trivial. The catch is that you have to work in a disfavored trade such as tire repair, HVAC, or construction
This feels unlikely. Even as a software engineer, you're doing well above average if you hit 300k ever, let alone by 30 (source). Do you have a source on your end?
lagrangian
1mo ago
I have literally never heard of engagement rings for men, and my family is in the jewelry business.
lagrangian
1mo ago
How expensive is malpractice insurance? Does it differ between the two types of doctor? How many more years/loans does it take? How many more hours of work a week is it?
Not rhetorical questions, I'm curious and have no idea.
The key difference is that only in the rape story has anything been done to her by someone else.
When driving, the damage is to the pole. Heck, let's say she ("S") kills someone else ("E"). S has violated E's rights, so S should be prosecuted for murder (or property damage to the pole). No one did anything to S, except insomuch as S did it to herself, so no one should be prosecuted (or held morally responsible) for anything that happened to S.
When S is raped, the damage is entirely to S. This was done to her by someone ("R"[apist]), who should be prosecuted. Debateably, S did something to herself too, but undebateably (well, it is themotte, but I feel pretty good about this one), there is the key difference that something was done to S in this one.
Further, in my version of the setup, she really hasn't decided to sleep with the nerd ("can't count to ten"). Past some level of drunk, you're on autopilot, and anyone who steers you transgresses. So yes, I absolutely do deny people agency once they are blackout drunk. I put that agency in the hands of society/morality to protect them. Enormously practical? No, so go be monogamous and sober, but still better than a free-for-all on drunk coeds.
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