urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
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User ID: 226
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
1d ago
The clearest examples I can find are people who have absolutely zero social deficits or mental health issues they just seem to have identification with the opposite sex. It doesn't seem unreasonable that a weird misfiring of biology could create this (rarely) and that in a permissive social environment these people would be allowed to exist.
I’ve met a few with pretty good mental health but the vast majority of transgender people I’ve met complain of mental health issues of some kind, even if “just” anxiety and/or mood issues, I have a friend who’s transgender, bipolar (but seems to be doing better with treatment), and extremely online and shy.
I guess the difficulty is, how do you differentiate between people who both have an identification with the opposite sex and have mental health issues, and people who have mental health issues alongside identity instability with which the gender identity issues are fellow travelers? I’m sure you have a clinical perspective, but this is also a philosophical question as to what constitutes “pure trans identification” with regards to gender ID, especially since gender dysphoria can come with acute mental suffering.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
1d ago
a lesbian could be attracted to the feminine energy and vibe of a small, cute femboy, or a gay man to a buff butch, and feel conflicted about calling themselves bi because it feels more like an exception to the rule.
How would you describe them?
There's a social conservative complaint that 'demisexual' just describes normal sexual functioning, and from a social conservative perspective that's probably not wrong so much as overloading the definition of 'normal'. But when the uwu maid outfit gay guy is less comfortable with a one-night stand than urquan, it points to something that exists as a meaningful distinguishing marker.
Ha, fair enough.
But typically the "demisexual is just normal sexual functioning" arguments are applying to women, specifically. Which is true in some ways, not true in others. I'm not inside the heads of these folks, but there's very much a difference between "sexual desire for a person" and "active willingness to have sexual contact with a person", and I understand that demisexuals claim that both of these come after familiarity. Which for me, is true for some people and not so true for others.
It's very true that many people who talk about sex a lot are also people who don't have so much of it, or have a normal amount with a normal number of partners. I know people who are... prolific, but not promiscuous. Perhaps I'm starting to grok the demisexual thing.
But I also grok where Mr. Meow is coming from here, I could see making out with someone... fairly early in getting to know them, but sex is something to build up to.
Also, wow. "I know your body's a work in progress, but one day you can look like this" is a pretty hilarious thing to tell someone you're trying to have sex with. Hard to wrap my head around what that guy was thinking with it. Is this a "Look what they need to mimic a fraction of our power" negging move? Get the guy to feel insecure? I mean, it seems to kind of work on him...
The "hey, want to play games on discord?" as a bonding mechanism is definitely true-to-form here. A bargain-basement level of rizz pointed at a picky guy is pretty funny.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
3d ago
I stand corrected.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
3d ago
In addition to the AI thing, he’s apparently getting laid recently.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
3d ago
One of my great insights that I had as an adult is that socializing by, e.g. spending lots of periodic time with like-minded people who enjoy your company and like you for who you are and vice versa, doing activities that everyone enjoys and/or is passionate about doesn't actually lead to building meaningful connections or relationships.
I suppose this prompts the question: what does?
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
3d ago
As chance would have it, I find myself in Southern California this week (considering writing some reflections on the trip as a flyover peasant), and happened to stop by a sports bar for dinner without realizing Mexico was playing. The Mexicanity is immense. Sounded like a bomb went off when Mexico scored. Pretty fun, honestly, even if I had no idea what’s going on.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
3d ago
You are complaining about men being manly men with other men. The straights would do it if they could. They just can't.
I'm not convinced this is the case, or that this is a full account of what male sexuality is like. You can't simply look at what gay sexual practices look like and assume this is what straight men would be like if women had more casual sex. Gay hookup culture came into existence under certain conditions (particularly ones where you had to grab whatever sex you could get because it was so rare, and could not be connected to intimacy or commitment because homosexuality was clandestine and often criminalized), and persists both because of cultural inertia and because the scripts people are handed limit what they can conceive and expect from others.
Le'ts assume you're a gay man like your brother, or perhaps someone like your brother but without his good and firm insight into what he wants. What does gay culture railroad him into? What will the men he meets on grindr/tinder with gay settings/a gay bar offer him? What will their sexual expectations be like? They're likely to be body-first, push relationships towards casual trysts rather than long-term commitment, emphasize sexual contact over emotional intimacy, and most importantly get bored of him and find someone else if he doesn't put his dick immediately on the table. Because the assumptions of gay culture are body-first, anyone who doesn't play along is presumed to be a liar or simply not that interested. And like straight men learning the Game, people are very good at picking up what is necessary to get them the intimacy they crave and contorting themselves towards it.
Inevitably obligate homosexual men under these conditions, whatever their theoretical desires, will end up having to get on their knees for this system, which they did not create and may not even meet with their aspirations. And especially if you're purely gay, the entire cultural and social system of gay culture will put every pressure on you to believe that hookup culture is liberatory and fun, while monogamy is internalized homophobia.
Like most people under social pressure, it's far psychologically easier to come to believe in the system than to stand aghast at it, especially if your sexual access becomes absolutely dependent on accepting it. The gays don't run "pray away the frigidity" camps, but like every culture this one has its own means of forcing misfits into a tight orifice.
This process has been going on for a long, long time in gay culture, while cultural movements towards restraint, safe sex, dating before fucking, or STD awareness is pattern-matched by many gay men either to dastardly heteronormativity or to Republicans calling AIDS a punishment from God, and therefore resisted.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
4d ago
There are a lot of other alterations to children's bodies that are currently kosher, from getting a girl's ears pierced to so-called-"corrective" genital surgery on intersex infants.
I oppose them, in general, though if there are functional or discomfort reasons to perform genital surgery on intersex children I support it. I don’t like children getting their ears pierced. I saw a little boy with pierced ears today and I rolled my eyes — it’s bad enough that little girls get their ears pierced, but at least it’s common and you have the excuse of social convention.
But I also come from a family lineage where adults getting their ears pierced, tattoos, and body modification in general is… controversial. My mother getting her ears pierced as an adult was something she was worried about telling her sister. I have very conservative instincts on body modification, which liberals and most modern conservatives don’t share. Cyberpunk transhumanism is body horror to me.
My ideal society would be more unified morally and epistemically. I think lack of a social consensus and strong norms of behavior and belief are major social problems, and they cause more suffering than freedom prevents.
But I also know I’m not going to get my ideal society, and parents socially transitioning their little boy because they’re nuts is more in the category of “don’t interrupt your enemy while he’s making a mistake” territory; if you want to play pretend with your kid, okay, waste energy on that and not on raising them to be dutiful and strong. It’s your lineage.
I think pure orientations are more common than zoomer self-reports would indicate, but rarer than naive 5% statistics would indicate. And like most things there seems to be a spectrum.
That said, genital preference seems to be the strongest binary, with exceptions, which is important because hormones and self-care can change your secondary sex characteristics to a degree but not your junk. I’m familiar with the GAMPs, roughly ‘straight’ men with low genital preference and quite adjacent to your referenced femboy enjoyers, but I’m not familiar with women having a similar phenomenon (though given how situational women’s attraction is, who knows, and there are obvious… anatomical considerations that are relevant in that case).
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