OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
No bio...
User ID: 359
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
12hr ago
If the first post was filtered, it's likely the responses have been filtered as well. An annoying artifact from rDrama. Try to upvote them even if you disagree with their post until they break free.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
22hr ago
Don't people generally have a "Support the Troops" mentality even if you disagree with what the leadership is doing with the troops?
I imagine that it gets even more so when everyone and their brother spent time in the IDF when they were young.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
2d ago
- 20 minutes
- 2 hours
- 5 minutes, corn.
- 20 minutes
- 15 minutes
- Local airport has "international" in the name but doesn't go to any other countries. Doesn't even go to a majority of US states. So I guess 40 minutes, but really 2.5 hours.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
3d ago
For the demand thing, it's not like the first time I tell her to do something causes a melt down. If it was that clear-cut, it would probably be easier to figure out. I can tell her to put on her shoes 10 days in a row and on the 11th day she panics, keeps taking off and putting her socks on, runs away, something weird.
And it can be asking her to do something she wants to do. There are lots of times where I plan something nice for her, something she's familiar with and knows she likes, and then when the time comes to do it she starts to act scared without being able to articulate why. "Something bad is going to happen." No, why would you think that!
Now that I have PDA in mind, it has been helping to understand some things. In Bluey, there is an episode where there's a "Magic Stuffed Animal" who makes the Dad do whatever the kids say. Kind of like Simon Says. My 6 year old and my 7 year old started playing that game together. My 7 year old was really into it for a few minutes, and then suddenly reacted violently to the stuffed animal. Before it would have been exhibit #100 of what a weird child she is. Now I'm like, "Maybe A shouldn't play that game."
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
3d ago
I do talk with her about philosophical things, but her mind is pretty limited from being 7 years old. I emphasize quite a bit that she doesn't have to do something just because she wants to do something and she doesn't believe me yet.
She has watched My Little Pony and also a show called Philo and Sophie which is a lot more... explicit on the philosophical underpinnings of a happy life.
I've always been pretty self aware and consious of the good people are trying to seek when they do things. I spent hours as a young kid asking talking to my mom:
"Why did so and so do that?"
"Because she thought it made her look cool."
"Did it?"
"Maybe to someone she wanted to impress."
"Why does she want to look cool?"
"Because she thinks people like her more when she's cool?"
"Why do people want to be liked?"
And so on for ever. My 7 year old isn't that curious right now.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
3d ago
Honestly, therapist is a last resort for us, we fear it as much as drugs. But it was what the Neuropsychologist prescribed for her when she was diagnosed with ADHD, and we are really at a loss. We are giving it six months just so we can say we tried it and see what else the Neuropsychologist tells us to do.
Stuffy closet is also just the only way to keep her and her siblings safe when she's like this. She will thrash and yell in there for 10+ minutes until she calms down.
Sorry if I was snippy, it's a hazard about talking about parenting on the Internet. But yeah, I get the feeling that kids like her were part of the 50% childhood mortality rate a thousand years ago.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
3d ago
Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful reply!
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
3d ago
I have four kids. All my other kids so far are perfectly normal and well-behaved. We are not permissive parents. We are not an "everything goes" family.
I physically pick up my daughter and carry her to the car. We leave when she starts freaking out and she misses out on a lot of stuff. We left the fourth of July party early and she missed fireworks. She misses a lot. We don't go places usually because I just have to pick her up and leave. Leave the library before we check out books. Leave the grocery store with a shopping cart half full. Leave the park. Leave leave leave. That has been my life. Babysitters have quit. I can't go anywhere with her and I can't go anywhere without her and I can't go anywhere.
And she's getting heavier and heavier. And when I pick her up she fights with everything she has. She is STRONG, crazy strong, frightened animal strong, and it's getting more and more difficult. If I don't figure this out soon, I will NO LONGER be able to carry her safely to her closet to calm down. And then if she's attacking her siblings, I have to attack her? If I can't carry her safely, it's just getting rougher and rougher to her.
And yes, I take away her toys. Yes, she is consigned to her closet often. We are stricter than most people we know. Our kids know they need to say please and thank you or they aren't getting fed. You really have the wrong idea if you think we just don't try to change her behavior at all through normal parenting means.
We even tried spanking for a few months when she was four. She kept doing this one behavior where she would get water out of the bathroom sink, fill containers, and then leave them places. The water would spill and make a mess and we were worried about rot. So we had a rule - when we saw her do this, she would be spanked immediately. The consequence would be immediate, and it was only for this one specific behavior. Well... nothing changed. Nothing at all. Except we felt like jerks, because it really seemed like, if she could stop herself, she would have. She didn't like getting spanked.
The word "Pathological" means that it prevents you from living normal life. I think our experience with her qualifies.
That's why it's so weird that I can actually go places with her taking L-Theanine.
She ran straight into a moving car. This isn't something a normal seven year old does. She is going to die if I just treat her like my other three kids.
Are you sure that when someone demands too much of you, you have an adrenaline rush? Start attacking people? Run away like a lion's after you? Freeze like a gun is pointed at your heart? Several times a day? That is what PDA is supposedly. And my kid acts like it.
And the fact that I can give her a supplement that completely changes her behavior, so she becomes perfectly behaved, when if I give the same supplement to another kid it doesn't change anything at all... doesn't that hint at something?
The Rabbit Hole
How it started:
I am homeschooling my 7 year old daughter, A, this year. I do not want to homeschool her forever - I have concerns about her socialiszation. But her behavior at school last year in the first grade grew to be atrocious and counter to learning anything.
She was sent to the office almost every day for running away from her teacher and hiding in the art cabinets or alternatively chasing and grabbing at her teacher (if the teacher took something from her.) There weren't any clear triggering events, but a oftentimes it would be that there was an assignment shift, the teacher would tell her to put away the old work and focus on the lesson or some new work, and then it would set my daughter off. We had her evaluated with a neuropsychologist and have a formal diagnosis of ADHD, for which the accommodations are to give her less work or more time to do some work. This didn't really help.
Close to the end of the year, the principle, vice principle, teacher, school psychologist, and like five other people had a meeting with us where they discussed A's behavior. My husband and I were seriously worried they were going to expel her or at the very least hold her back a year. (She had been suspended twice from school already.) Instead, after going down the litany of behaviors that was causing disruption to her learning, they just looked at my husband and I and asked us what they should do. It was a shocking moment to me - these were the experts! Had they never seen a kid like ours before? If they had told us, "You need to do x at home, get her evaluated for this other behavioral disorder" etc, we'd have done it! We're demonstrably involved middle class parents who can afford to take her to therapy every other week and see whatever doctors are needed.
I'm focusing on A's behavior at school largely because that was what caused us to pull her out of school. Her behavior at home has also been laughably bad. I've had moments where I considered she might just be what was once called an Imbecile. For example, a little while ago we went for a family walk. She ran into the side of a car backing out of its driveway. She was running ahead of us against our wishes, as normal, and we saw the car backing out so we yelled at her to stop. So of course she ran faster and... Bonk! No injuries fortunately. Stupidest car crash ever.
The thing I need to get across is that A is the sweetest child ever when she's not upset. She is upset at her own behavior and is often praying and wishing she wasn't such a "Bad Kid." She asks to do more chores, she looks out for her younger siblings, she minds her Ps and Qs. But once or twice a day, she will get into a "stuck" mode where she will keep trying to do the same insane thing over and over again and needs to be carried to her closet (full of stuffed animals, we don't even bother putting clothes in there, it's a safe soft place.)
Anyways, we pulled her out of school and I've been hanging around Homeschooling forums. I perk up whenever I see a topic around ADHD, because that at least is one diagnosis she officially has. A couple weeks ago, I saw someone mention that their kid has something called "PDA" and that they have to accommodate that in their homeschooling methods. For the first time in my life, I saw someone else describe a child who acts like A.
What is PDA?
First a disclaimer. PDA seems to be recognized as an expression of Autism in the UK, but it doesn't seem to be recognized anywhere else. I do not wish to make a stand one way or another on if it exists. All I know, is that my kid acts the same as the other kids who are said to have it (and she doesn't really act like any other kid otherwise.)
PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance. The theory is that, when someone with this disorder has a demand placed on them (explicit or implicit) they perceive it as a threat and over time it actually activates their fight/flight/freeze response. This actually explains my daughter's behavior so well it's entirely shocking to me. I've seen her shaking in fear as she struggles to put shoes on her feet for five minutes because I told her, "hurry up, we're going to be late." I already suspected anxiety was involved, but she doesn't act like someone with generalized anxiety. This is the first thing that really makes sense.
What did I do?
First, I looked up supplements to calm a kid down. If most of her misbehavior is caused by improperly triggering her fear response, lets turn the dial down on that. I found L-Theanine and thought it looked interesting. Lots of people who take it say they don't notice anything - it's not a relaxant or a downer. But other people who take it say it makes them more resilient to downward spirals, which is what I'm looking for. It's pretty safe - you can take grams of it without ill effect. Doesn't build up in the system either.
It immediately changed her behavior. When the supplement arrived she was in the middle of a bit of mania, talking about selling crafts nonstop all day and making enough money to buy a diamond (we read A Little Princess recently.) I wasn't able to get her to do anything - eat, practice math or reading, go outside, anything else. She was staying up well past her bedtime. I gave her about 50mg in her water and in thirty minutes she was happy (different from mania, trust me), cuddly, and soon, sleepy.
Since then, I've been giving her some in her water at bedtime and she's only had one of her "stuck" episodes once. On days where I have an outing planned, I give her some in the morning as well and.. it's incredible. Makes me want to cry. We have good days. I can take her places without her running into the road. I can tell her it's time to go back and she doesn't fall to pieces. She acts polite and conscientious and everything that I know her to be. It has been years since I could take her anywhere without having to accept that it will involve a tantrum or two.
The only downside is, when I give her a morning dose, she often reports a headache a few hours later (as it's wearing off?). No big deal, she has had headaches before. I give her ibuprofen and she is fine.
But it doesn't sit right with me
As magical as this all is, it's not like it's in her genes. A Western European did not evolve the need for an extract from an Asian plant in order to avoid running off the nearest cliff.
And the headache bothers me. What if I'm depleting something in her body to give her these good days now, but it will come back to bite us later?
So I kept looking. Most PDA parents talk about changing their entire lifestyle to "accommodate" their PDA kid - just never demand anything from them and set up their lives so that no one else ever demands anything from them. I think this is ridiculous. It's basically consigning the kid to being institutionalized later on. No one can grow into an adult this way. But when A is overloaded with demands, she's not learning either.
I kept looking for keywords surrounding diet and supplements. Finally, I saw someone state, "We resolved pda entirely with a nutrient based approach" and brought up William Walsh. Walsh is a quack without a background in medicine who has diagnosed many ill-behaved children with "Pyroluria" and cured them with large doses of Zinc and vitamin B6. And like, it does actually seem to cure them in the course of a few weeks. Walsh has his own reasons for why he thinks these supplements cure "Pyroluria" and they all seem to be medically wrong. But if it works, it works?
Enter the MTHFR
Googling Walsh's name around, I stumbled upon a Reddit community of people troubleshooting their Vitamin B problems with genetic tests and high doses of supplements. They all have a genetic mutation that makes their bodies less able to process the folate in food into the active form, L-5-MTHF. If they have more folate in their system than they can process, they have a build up of homocystine that causes lots of other bodily functions to gum up. They also aren't making enough L-5-MTHF, which prevents other bodily functions from doing what they should.
There seems to be a correlation between MTHFR mutations and ADHD, Autism, and other disorders.
There are other genetic mutations that can cause issues with B vitamins and the Reddit community is constantly over/undershooting and making themselves over-methylated and under-methylated and it seems very messy. They don't just supplement L-5-MTHF, they also need to reduce folate (which is in most cereals and breads in the United States), supplement B2, B6, B12, zinc, and magnesium, pay attention to if they're supplementing the methylated vs unmethylated versions of these vitamins, and try to keep things in balance.
Those who achieve this balance claim they have found a nirvana free of skin issues, pains, and mental issues that have followed them from childhood. Those who mess up end up with copper deficiency and bouts of schizophrenia.
I have found a Psychiatrist in my state with an actual MD who claims to treat "Nutrient Imbalances, Including Methylation Imbalances" as well as "Abnormalities in Stress Hormone Pathways and Other Hormone Related Root Causes." She is not in my insurance network so it would all be out of pocket but a consultation with her would be within my budget. But I only found her after three layers of quack-searching. This is the medical equivalent of vibe-coding and I realize that.
Is this worth pursuing? Has anyone else fallen down the MTHFR rabbithole?
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
5d ago
If every Gazan and inhabitant of the West Bank became a full citizen of Israel, there would no longer be a guarantee of a Jewish Israeli PM or President or majority in the Knesset.
There are currently 7 million Jews and 2.5 million others with Israeli citizenship. There are about 2 million Gazans and 2.7 million West Bank-ians. Add them in and give them voting power and suddenly there is a substantial non-Jewish voting block. (And then the wolves eat the lambs.)
It's one of those things everyone knows but not a lot of people make the point to explain. The Jewish Ethnostate depends on not integrating these people, or at the very least, integrating slowly.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
8d ago
Yeah, Frozen II songs were a little too on-the-nose.
This will all make sense when I am older
Someday, I will see that this makes sense
One day when I'm old and wise
I'll think back and realize
That these were all completely normal events
Ah
I'll have all the answers when I'm older
Like why we're in this dark enchanted wood
I know in a couple years
These will seem like childish fears
And so I know this isn't bad, it's good
There is a certain type of "Children's" entertainment that is really geared towards Parents. Books like "Love You Forever." Episodes of Bluey (I know this is controversial, but there are more than a few episodes of Bluey that have little interest to kids but is more geared toward teaching the parent.)
Frozen II is kinda there. Or rather, it's geared towards the 20 year olds who will never have kids but can reflect on their own childhood.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
8d ago
I've actually seen some on the Right express dismay with how the government is going about things. Yes, deport millions! But it's still The Government doing it, so it's bound to be done backasswards.
Recently saw someone with a 12-point proposal to send to senators asking them to make sure deportees are treated humanely, detention is short, religious services are not withheld, and that if the issue is an honest paperwork error that it does not prejudice them against entry in the future. This form letter was created by a Floridan who is as anti-illegal immigration as any other conservative.
Just because the interests of the United States should be served first and foremost by our immigration system does not mean that detention and deportation must be an elongated or humiliating event. Processing should be swift, efficient, dignified, and safe and detentions, when necessary, should be brief and at the expense of the State rather than an opportunity for vendors to mine aliens for cash. We need to put our best foot forward as a country and give foreigners the opportunity to behave and be treated like ladies and gentlemen while reserving the right to reasonably and forcefully protect ourselves and our nation’s representatives from harm. No system operated by the government is ever going to be perfect, but that is no excuse to settle for mediocrity or ratify substandard frontline practices.
Unfortunately, X is not full of such moderates.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
8d ago
Thank you for responding!
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
8d ago
Honestly, this makes me think it is more likely to have happened - and there is some kind of mistaken identity at the source. Some guy messed up his own DOB or something (maybe he didn't have a known DOB, picked one when coming into the country, picked another one that was more significant later and didn't remember the one he used on his paperwork, IDK.) Maybe the government mixed up the files.
My prior is that people typically don't outright lie but rather twist the truth. It's a heck of a story to make up whole cloth. Stranger things have happened, so I wouldn't be too put out if it turned out to be someone's imaginary Grandpa. But Bureaucratic mistake seems more likely to me.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
8d ago
I'm sad that this has been your first week here. It's not every week that two prolific posters are banned. This is actually one of the only places left on the Internet where you can say any idea, as long as it's said civilly. Unfortunately, it can be hard for some people to keep it civil, to the point where I think many posters have forgotten what civility even looks like.
I could make an effort post on why gay sex is morally terrible and it wouldn't be moderated - as long as I wrote it as if I was trying to convince a close gay friend, using the friendly language one would use with someone you will inevitably see every day. It would be downvoted terribly, because that kind of sentiment is wildly unpopular here. But it wouldn't be moderated. If I made the same post, with the same argument structure, but with some homophobic slurs added in and in the tone of a drill sergeant, it would be moderated in much the same way you see here.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
8d ago
If he expressed his Great Replacement desires in more formal language, perhaps referring to genetic groups instead of "mayos", would his posts be under less scrutiny?
I'm not a Burdensome Count sympathizer, but I am under the impression that this forum is one where you can express any idea, as long as it's done civilly. The civility requirements do seem to be more stringent on the left than the right, probably because when someone insults the Left there's not a lot of push back.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
9d ago
It's a weird rule, but Movie IIIs are typically good. Cars 3 is better than Cars 2. Toy Story 3 is better than Toy Story 2. Cinderella III is good. Aladdin III is good.
An Extremely Goofy Movie is fun. The Rescuers Down Under is better than the first.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
12d ago
I would guess that Upper-middle class have summer jobs that requires certifications (like lifeguarding), managing your own client list (like tutoring and babysitting), and internships programs. Jobs that were more difficult to outsource to immigrants.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
12d ago
Conservative, think I'm much happier with my life, but not because of any kind of optimism towards our political future. I place about a 20% probability on a default and/or civil war in the next 20 years, but Christ is King so who cares? I'm American though so no thoughts of leaving. I'll die with this ship singing a song of praise that I was born on this land.
(Conservative happiness may not be dependent on optimism about material prospects.)
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
19d ago
That's always been the case for TV - script writers were encouraged to write plots that a woman preparing dinner could follow along with. It's actually decreased somewhat - now we have "prestige TV" and podcasts have taken over the niche of "Give Mom's brain something to think about while doing mindless repetitive task."
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
21d ago
Here's my home-grown definition - defense treaties like NATO also need to include some economic provisions that ensure that every aspect of wartime production is covered by at least one of the member states. It's shameful that the NATO countries together cannot produce sufficient rare earth materials to supply our collective armies. Within member states, there should be enough capability to grow sufficient food, mine sufficient materials, process sufficient materials, produce sufficient sources of energy, etc so that if NATO countries went to war with a major adversary it could do so without pagers exploding or power grids being kill-switched.
"Adversary-proof production" doesn't mean Isolated America vs the World. It would mean blocks of allies against at least one adversary. There can be market competition between allies.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
23d ago
Tumblr is more ideologically diverse than Reddit these days.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
25d ago
The telos of a flathead screwdriver is to apply force perpendicular to the plane of the screwdriver. This works if you are using it as a pry or to screw in screws.
OracleOutlook
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
25d ago
No, of course. The telos of genitals and guns are not pair bonding or pleasure or killing people or having babies. The telos of genitals is sexual intercourse, the telos of guns is to fire bullets.
One efficient cause of genitals is the need to generate new life and one efficient cause of guns is the need to kill people more efficiently.
At least, that's how I see it.
I disagree with your definition of Individualism, the word is usually meant to describe something more like "every man for himself." I do agree with the statement that "every man should be judged for his own capabilities and qualities." I also agree on the Meritocracy front - we should have the best people in the toughest jobs getting the biggest compensation.
I suspect JD Vance would agree with these two statements as well.
Where I disagree with you is the idea that this would apply to membership in a nation. It's really odd to me that you see the two as connected so I will try to make analogies and you tell me where you think things are dissimilar.
Membership in a family is not based on meritocracy. There aren't game shows where kids compete against each other to have the best parents. There aren't quarterly reviews of a child's grammar school progress lest it turns out a child is not good enough for their current last name and have to move down the road to join the Johnson's.
For most people, membership in their family is based on happy accidents of their parent's geographical proximity and how well they got along.
People can join a family without without genetics, too. There's adoption of young kids. There's adoption of older kids. There are people who declare themselves brothers as adults because they enjoy similar interests and look out for each other. There is marriage.
Within a family there is a hierarchy and meritocracy to an extent. Parents are usually the most competent members of the family and are rewarded with the majority of decision-making. But being a member of a family is not a measure of merit. For most people it's something that just happens to them and even if they are disabled and need extra help they usually don't run the risk of getting disowned.
A nation is like a family in this way. Membership in a nation is generally an accident of geography and family tree. There are ways of getting adopted in, but this requires agreeing to conform into the nation's culture/mindset and should be a very limited, personal, and slow process. A child can't just crawl in through your window and declare they are your child now. Adopting a child is deliberate, adopting a new citizen is also deliberate.
Within a nation, there should be merit. The best people should be governing, doctoring, etc. But I strongly disagree with any conception of American citizenship that perceives it as a reward.
It's utterly ridiculous if you take it to the logical conclusion. Every year, let's send our bottom 20th percentile to Mexico and let in their top 20th percentile! No, there just isn't a hierarchy among nations like that.
American citizenship is not a prize, is not fungible, is not tradable. American citizenship is an identity. American citizens are the group of people who elect American leaders who in turn make decisions to prioritize the well-being of American citizens over everyone else. There are smart Americans, stupid Americans, lazy Americans, hard working Americans. Our leaders represent us all. Or at least, they should.
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