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Long time lurker, first time poster with a general life question here.
My current situation is as follows: I've recently finished graduate school (in social sciences) and landed a research-adjacent position at a large organization. So far I've found myself fitting in quite well in terms of professional skills, but it's been an uphill battle socially.
The problem, to put it bluntly, is that I'm basically a walking stereotype of a weeaboo neckbeard with specific nerdy interests, who was suddenly thrust into a milieu of reasonably high-IQ, well-educated if somewhat snobbish upper-middle class background normies, who are well-versed in highbrow and middlebrow culture, and expect their interlocutors to be at the same level of general cultural awareness. I knew people like these in college and avoided them like the plague (didn't have anything against them, but we didn't exactly jive), however it no longer seems to be an option, as I realize that if I stick with my field, I'll be looking at working alongside people like these for the next 30 years, give or take, and I would prefer for this experience to be more pleasant and not feel like a perpetual outsider. Not to mention that I'd probably need to fit in culturally in order to eventually move up the ladder.
As for my own level of general cultural awareness, it is abysmally low, which makes communication very embarassing at times. I'd be able to discuss at length untranslated Japanese visual novels, Magic the Gathering meta, Super Mario 64 speedrun strats, Nijisanji vtubers or obscure internet trivia, but I managed to walk around God's green Earth for ~30 years without ever having watched Titanic, becoming able to recognize more than two songs from the Beatles or learning a single verse of poetry by heart. I want to fix that, and I'm willing to spend my commutes and several evenings a week on this project, even if the task at hand seems quite daunting. I''ve made peace with the fact that I'll probably never be a literati, but I want to be at least functional in such social settings.
However, because the gaping hole in my knowledge is so massive, I don't even know where to begin. Do I divide things up into subprojects like "Movies", "Music", "Literature", etc. with their own schedules and goals? (E.g. "Movies project – knock out 2 movies from imdb top 250 a week for a year before moving on to more obscure stuff".) Is there a smarter way to go about it?
Not caring and keeping to myself at work is not an option.
tl;dr version: adult nerd with very little cultural knowledge wants to fill in that gap (speedrun it, if possible) and become pleasant enough company in educated upper middle class non-STEM milieu. What would be the best way to achieve that?
Figure out what sources of media they consume daily and try to follow the same sources. If they get their information from social media find some of the people they follow, or what podcasts they listen to. Eventually, you will pick up on the some of the common references/background culture. I find most people are highly likely to be interested in currently trending events. If they reference an older piece of culture it is often somehow connected to a current event.
I will caution you that trying to force yourself to fit into social settings in this manner may lead to burnout and mental health problems. If you learn to enjoy doing it than that is great, but if it feels like a forced social performance that you hate doing then it may cause problems in the future.
Another option that might be available to you is telling people that you suspect that you are on the autism spectrum/neurodivergent. This may lower what they expect of you in social situations. It shifts the framing from you are having trouble fitting in because you haven’t put in sufficient effort to you are having trouble fitting because the neurotypical norms cause you mental distress/burdens/anxiety and your disability prevents you from substantially changing this.
People are usually accommodating and don’t ask a lot of follow-up questions. If they do just being familiar with autistic masking, autistic burnout, and special interests will probably be sufficient to answer any questions they have.
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