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Long time lurker, first time poster with a general life question here.
My current situation is as follows: I've recently finished graduate school (in social sciences) and landed a research-adjacent position at a large organization. So far I've found myself fitting in quite well in terms of professional skills, but it's been an uphill battle socially.
The problem, to put it bluntly, is that I'm basically a walking stereotype of a weeaboo neckbeard with specific nerdy interests, who was suddenly thrust into a milieu of reasonably high-IQ, well-educated if somewhat snobbish upper-middle class background normies, who are well-versed in highbrow and middlebrow culture, and expect their interlocutors to be at the same level of general cultural awareness. I knew people like these in college and avoided them like the plague (didn't have anything against them, but we didn't exactly jive), however it no longer seems to be an option, as I realize that if I stick with my field, I'll be looking at working alongside people like these for the next 30 years, give or take, and I would prefer for this experience to be more pleasant and not feel like a perpetual outsider. Not to mention that I'd probably need to fit in culturally in order to eventually move up the ladder.
As for my own level of general cultural awareness, it is abysmally low, which makes communication very embarassing at times. I'd be able to discuss at length untranslated Japanese visual novels, Magic the Gathering meta, Super Mario 64 speedrun strats, Nijisanji vtubers or obscure internet trivia, but I managed to walk around God's green Earth for ~30 years without ever having watched Titanic, becoming able to recognize more than two songs from the Beatles or learning a single verse of poetry by heart. I want to fix that, and I'm willing to spend my commutes and several evenings a week on this project, even if the task at hand seems quite daunting. I''ve made peace with the fact that I'll probably never be a literati, but I want to be at least functional in such social settings.
However, because the gaping hole in my knowledge is so massive, I don't even know where to begin. Do I divide things up into subprojects like "Movies", "Music", "Literature", etc. with their own schedules and goals? (E.g. "Movies project – knock out 2 movies from imdb top 250 a week for a year before moving on to more obscure stuff".) Is there a smarter way to go about it?
Not caring and keeping to myself at work is not an option.
tl;dr version: adult nerd with very little cultural knowledge wants to fill in that gap (speedrun it, if possible) and become pleasant enough company in educated upper middle class non-STEM milieu. What would be the best way to achieve that?
The problem, to put it bluntly, is that you want the cool kids to like you and you are worried that they won't.
First of all, I think your endeavor will most likely fail for achieving its intended purpose. There are very few genuine shared cultural touchstones left; most of what served that purpose has long since been deconstructed or gatekept to exclude people they don't want there.
Second, try and seek out other cultural artifacts for the joy of it, not because it will make you more palatable to your colleagues. Passion is obvious to someone who is genuinely observing, and a faker is more cringe than someone who is genuinely ignorant. Read widely. Experience more. Go outside your comfort zone. Look at the things you enjoy and learn about them, not as a consumer, but as a producer, a businessperson, a creator. How is something done and what makes it possible? What are these philosophies, where do they come from, and who and what contexts produced them? What do you get out of it and what can you learn about it?
Third, find scotch people, not bourbon people. Scotch people, especially guys, will be happy to talk at length about what they like and are willing to try and share widely for the joy of it. Bourbon people like their one thing; if there is nothing to be gained from associating with you they will avoid discussing what they like to prevent any chance of them getting less of what they like.
I do not have a high opinion of the "rat community", insofar as it exists, on the internet. However, they are a treasure trove of obscure facts and anecdotes by people who at least attempt, or pretend, to question their own thinking. Read the quality contributions, pay attention when someone with more domain-specific knowledge is sharing their thoughts. There's no shortage of guys willing to talk shit about anything from the Roman Empire to construction projects and zoning laws.
Finally, more importantly than anything else, recognize that your interests and likes are not your identity. People who wear their interests like clothes are are not to be trusted; they are either defined by a company's marketing or a desire to be part of a social group. They are as dust, blown which way the wind takes them.
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