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PaperclipPerfector  4mo ago (text post)   2933 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for January 5, 2025

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At the risk of oversharing, I lost my mother over the weekend and while I give my wife the advice that she shouldn't feel guilty for not forcing herself to be somber and mournful every single moment, I myself can't escape feeling like people would think me callous or unfeeling if my actions and demeanor didn't match their perception of what someone mourning their mother should be, so I do ultimately force myself to act differently just to not cause any unease. Am I overthinking this?

I'm very sorry for your loss. Everyone processes grief differently, it probably hasn't really hit you yet. Don't let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong, my cousins gave me a complex about that when I was six or seven years old and it sent me on a shame spiral for years.

I think it has hit me, it wasn't that much of a surprise that it happened so I've been preparing myself mentally for a while. She had metastasis all over and while for a year and a half medication kept it from progressing, we knew from the moment she had that diagnosis that she had years left, not decades.

I am not performatively emotional at all (that lack of outward emotion is a family trait) but I get the feeling maybe people might think I don't actually care just because I seem to be outwardly normal?

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