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I think you make an interesting point about things having a dual nature, but I can't think of anything where I'd characterize it as a burden. For example, marriage entails certain obligations on both parties: I have to take care of my wife, I can't go chasing other women, things like that. But none of those things is a burden to me. At most, when we argue I am frustrated in the moment and put it aside for love. And of course there are lots and lots of upsides to marriage. We take care of each other in times of weakness, having a companion is really good, having sex is fun, all that.
Conversely, I find the difficult parts of dealing with children to be far worse in magnitude. Like, just the sound of hearing a child throwing a temper tantrum is like fingernails on chalkboard to me and far worse than anything I have to cope with in marriage. And you have to put up with that a lot as a parent, because children take years and years to learn to properly cope with minor situations. You also have to deal with all sorts of things like having to literally wipe your child's ass, etc etc. And all of that without really having the copious upsides that marriage has. Kids can be fun but it takes years of slogging through shitty un-fun times to get there, and while they may be there for you when you're older that isn't really something you can (or should) bank on happening.
To me, the far superior path to be around kids is to be the cool uncle. I have two nephews (3 and 6), I try to make sure I'm in their lives, and I do enjoy seeing them. But when my nephew starts throwing a temper tantrum because he's 3 and that's how he rolls at that age, I don't have to deal with it - I can just grit my teeth and power through with ignoring it. Or if one of my nephews ever asks me something awkward like "where do babies come from", I can dodge lol. I love being an uncle, but I would definitely not want to have children of my own.
I think that's mostly a semantic difference in defining burden. I was trying to interpret burden in a more positive way, essentially the same as obligation, which is why I introduced that word.
If by burden you just mean a bad obligation, then by definition that is bad. I was thinking more like a backpack full of supplies on a hike - a heavy load. Something you have to expend energy to carry, but probably for a good reason not a bad one. Doing hard things for rewarding reasons is the best thing in life.
But the rest of what you said shows that it REALLY is a wiring difference between us. So there isn't really any interesting convo to have with me arguing that kids are a good investment. Your feelings about kids truly are fundamentally different from me on a base level.
Even when kids are throwing tantrums it doesn't bother me that much. I enjoy working with kids even when they are being very difficult. If it fundamentally makes you that uncomfortable, you're right, kids would be a huge net negative.
What about the family business concept? Businesses don't throw tantrums but you imply you'd resent having that thrust on you as well.
I actually did turn down the family business, though it wasn't something my parents ever pressed upon me. I grew up on a farm, and I have no doubt that my parents would've loved it if I had decided I wanted to be a farmer and took over the business from them. But my interests lay elsewhere, as did my other siblings' interests. Thankfully, my parents never made it a big thing, they just understood farming wasn't for me and that's that. If they had really pressed the point, I believe you're correct that I would've resented it.
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