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Notes -
Does anyone have any non incel/pua advice/resources at getting better at flirting (or otherwise improving one’s “game”). I recently moved to a new city where I have been trying to meet someone on Hinge, and while I feel like I get a reasonable number of matches I just think I must be really bad at the whole “texting long enough to get her to actually go on a date” phase of these conversations.
I’m also not sure what to reasonably expect in terms of reply rates. In the last month I get about 3 matches a week with people I would like to go on dates with. Of these two people agreed to meet up (although one ultimately stood me up, I’ve never actually had that happen before although I’m guessing that just happens a lot with online dating).
I actually refuse to believe there is even such a thing as "text game".
Some of the most charismatic and energetic people I know appear dead on text. Obviously things such as quick wit, confident body language, and the million other below the surface signals that need to be sent to flirt effectively, can't be sent through text.
The mechanism through which OLD works is numbers. You match with a LARGE number of people. You text a large number of people. You luck out by having maybe around 1/20 of the people you match with agree to meet up in person at all. Unless you are within the top percentiles of looks, it's a grind.
I really don't think anyone is texting any combination of magic words that gets them a higher match->date conversion.
From my experience with OLD, it's just soul draining.
For every 100 matches (1-2% swipe-> match rate, so you can imagine the # swipes), 10 used to even reply to texts. Of that 10 maybe 0.5 used to agree to meeting up. Most of the texts used to die out within a few texts. Girls are looking for all kinds of "vibes", use the wrong emoji, you are fucked, that's just how things are.
OLD is really not worth the time if you are not in the 99.9 percentile of looks. It's a winner takes all market of the likes never seen before.
Disagree on magic words. The magic words are “Anyway, you seem chill. Want to grab a coffee?” or something very similar, within the first three or four texts. No point beating around the bush until a text conversation dies, and I think a lot of people are looking for the few magical connections via text rather than treating it as the minimal filter it should be. Just provide a safe, low-commitment date option and most people who responded to your first couple of messages will shrug and go with it.
I think this might be location,partner demographic and self demographic dependent.
Where I am, with the girls I got, many of them said things along the lines of "I like to get to know a guy a bit before I actually go out and meet them". Some even showed hostility towards the idea of having the first real interaction in real life (many proposed a long video call). Idk man my age demographic (23-25 year olds) are really weird and want to do everything online !
Fair enough! I’ve been out of the dating market since pre-COVID, and it’s possible/likely a lot has changed since then.
Aren't you gay?
Because the dating market as a heterosexual male is very very very different. So unless you looked around in that market as well, your insight might not transfer.
I am, but when I was on the dating market I was still trying to figure out whether I should try to make it work with women, so I was dating both men and women pretty actively.
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