The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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I need some advice; I thought about making an alt and really getting my feelings out, but the more I thought about my problems, the less bad they seemed, somehow, once I accepted that something had to change, and it might turn out to be drastic.
I graduated with a bachelor's degree as a computer science major a couple years ago and got a job relatively in my field a few months after graduating: a programming job locally working with embedded systems. It does not pay a lot ($49k a year before taxes) and not much is expected of me, leaving my mind wandering frequently. I never actually figured out the assembly of the things, but programming them was easy enough. Some of the systems are in C, and some of the systems are in Python and PHP and also some C that I don't have to mess with much. Features are sometimes added, but for the strictly C systems, there's this big directory of code for many specific systems, some of them with very minor changes, and a lot of the time, the task is just to add a feature to a system that was already in another system, making the additions pretty simple. I don't feel like a real programmer. There is an HSA and a "parachute" healthcare plan, but no 401k. Very casual attitude. My boss is a bitch and he's difficult to talk to sometimes because of how petty he is, but he can't program worth a damn and he actually does have some good qualities to him. My commute is approximately 43 minutes, meaning I'm driving for an hour and twenty minutes every workday, and I am doing this because I live at home still with my mother. I work in a small town. I am in my late 20s. I have all my student loans paid off and I have $21k in the bank. I don't have any index funds or savings accounts or anything.
It's honestly not bad money, but there is not really room to grow. The plan was to work here for a bit and get some experience, then join the industry proper, but... well, I feel like I suck at programming, and the industry is shrinking, and I don't know if there will even be an industry, a proper pipeline, in a couple of years. I am really reluctant to start job searching for these reasons.
Given all these facts, I am a little lost on where to direct my life from now on. I'm going to list every option I have thought of so far:
I think I have given up on starting a family, which makes these decisions easier. I know this forum is pretty pro-natal, and I had flip-flopped on the issue for a while, but I tend to forget what abject misery feels like until I feel it again. If it's genetic, I don't want my kids to feel it. I guess I'd be open to adoption, in that case, but that's expensive.
I know the answer for what computer science majors should do now hasn't got a consensus, but any advice I can get would be very appreciated.
IMO, step 1 in devising a long-term plan is figuring out your financial outlook. At what age do you expect to be able to retire in your current position vs. in your alternative scenarios? If you're in the US, you can use the Consumer Expenditure Survey of the Bureau of Labor Statistics as a baseline budget (size of consumer unit by income before taxes: one person, < 15 k$/a). Plug that into a spreadsheet and add some assumptions for investment growth, inflation, and life expectancy.
If I had to be honest with you, I never really planned out retirement. I figured I'd probably work until I couldn't work anymore and then die somehow shortly afterwards, and let someone else take the money I had put into whatever funds instead of frittering it away on my own failing health. I always just wanted some way to live in a respectable way and live a relatively normal life, passion be damned, just do whatever you can tolerate.
You seem to imply in your first comment ("I have a suicide attempt from nearly a decade ago on my record"; "I tend to forget what abject misery feels like until I feel it again. If it's genetic, I don't want my kids to feel it") that you suffer from depression. As a person who contracted depression after around five and a half years of employment, I can say that my life ABSOLUTELY REVOLVES AROUND the promise of retirement and unlimited relaxation (just a year and a half away!!!), and "living a relatively normal life, passion be damned, just doing whatever I can tolerate" is impossible while my relaxation time is crippled by working.
Do the calculation! You may be pleasantly surprised at how quickly your retirement date is approaching.
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