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PaperclipPerfector  3d ago (text post)   2385 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for July 6, 2025

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Does anyone have any good links to blogs or posts about how to use dating apps optimally? I figure someone has this stuff figured out

Cred

Back when I was on the dating app roulette, I was told by female friends that I had a great profile. Other women have asked me 'how to find men like me' and I have been called a 'what a shame he's straight' by a gay man. I haven't been on the market for a couple of years, but the advice should still be valid.

Most important - Be recognizable

Women go through a million same looking profiles. The worst thing to be is unrecognizable and vanilla. Have at least 1 thing about you that stands out. Discussing dating profiles is a favorite past time for women. It is good be a certain type of guy. 'The chef', 'the fashionista', 'the salsa dancer'. If you're just 'a guy', you will fall through the cracks.

My dating profile photo checklist:

  • I have friends -> group photo (Ideally mixed gender)
  • I am in shape -> full body shot (clothed)
  • I am not ugly -> face closeup front
  • I can look like a fuck-boy like if you need me to
  • I have a good heart. (opposite of fuck boy - pet photos, fun uncle, belly laughs, family photos)
  • I do fitness stuff
  • I do fun stuff & have hobbies
  • I actually am 6 feet tall (I am 1 cm off but eh, close enough)

Cheat codes: Wield them as you see fit.

  • Women love pets
  • Women love men who cook
  • Women love men who love therapy
  • Women love men who are loved by women (sisters are okay)

Prompts:

  • People aren't creative. All your photo captions and prompt answers should reveal something about you that leads to an obvious comment from the woman. For me it was my cooking and hiking photos.
  • Have high coverage. Be concise, but signal different information each prompt.
  • Don't be too humble. You can be self-deprecating to counter-signal if your photos already position you as high-status. Otherwise, be earnest about your achievements.

Dos and Donts:

  • Avoid fishing photos. Just post a photo of you on a boat with friends instead. Same idea, different messaging.
  • If you are posting sports photos make them active & outdoors. Cheering for your favorite team in a crowd or playing the game with a jersey. Don't post photos in full-kit from the sofa.
  • Have a social presence. Instagram is ideal. Makes you look sociable. Be google searchable.
  • Be strategic about having weird hobbies on your profile. I like anime, but wouldn't dare put that on my profile. I am transparent about liking it when asked, but don't advertise for the first 2-ish dates.
  • I have been told that doing standup and having a podcast are the 2 biggest icks for women. (I have been seeding the possibility in my girlfriend for 2 years now, and she fake? threatens breakup every time. We'll get there)
  • If you are on the heavier side, then wear layers. Don't fake edit your photos. There are ways to look good even if you're heavy. I'd prefer those.
  • If you don't have good photos. Then pay to get good photos taken. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL. YOU MUST HAVE GOOD PHOTOS.
  • Hair - be bald or make your hair look good. Don't go around trying to embarrassingly rescue your impending baldness. Get a good haircut. Pay up 50-70$ for a good barber once.
  • Facial hair - Be well groomed. I have the world's worst beard genes. I still managed to persevere through months of growing some density to maintain a #3 on my trimmer. Be clean shaven or grow a half-decent beard/stache. Do not post pubes on your face. Please.
  • Have 1 suit photo - Suits are a man's bikini. Insanely flattering for all body types. Full suit please.
  • Limit sunglasses and caps in your photos. Immediately raises flags for ugliness / baldness.

Useful reddit links:

Contrarian take: if your goal is to actually find a soul mate and not just a number of short flings, don't do this. Be yourself, aggressively. DO mention your less conventional hobbies like anime on your profile, unapologetically. Be creative and unique and weird, in a way that turns off almost everyone EXCEPT for that rare person who actually likes who you are.

I did this for several years, and 90%+ of the women I messaged ignored me completely. I barely got any responses, and the conversations I did have usually didn't lead anywhere since I was a weird goofball. And then a girl who had D&D listed in her bio responded positively to my D&D inspired pickup line and we dated for several years before eventually getting married. And now we stay at home playing board games and playing with cats instead of having to do stupid things like go hiking or eating at restaurants the way I would if I had managed to convince a normal girl to date me.

Your advice is excellent for maximizing engagement. But you will spend a lot of time dating a lot of average people who like average things if you take it too far. Obviously some of your advice is just general good advice for emphasizing your positive traits that you already have and doesn't run into this issue. But I think being authentic in a negative way (by normie standards) is actually useful to help filter out the normies and find someone else who shares your quirks.

I partially disagree.

The goal of right-swipes is to avoid the serial killers. It is low-pass filter meant to remove the bad apples. Then, you find if they're your soul mate on the date. It's not that anime are a cringe hobby. It's that many men who mention anime as a hobby are underdeveloped manchilds. There are many exceptions, but women correctly assume that finding the needle in the haystack is a futile effort.

mention your less conventional hobbies like anime on your profile, unapologetically

Depends on how hot you are. Anyone who wants choice, assumes that they are hot enough to have choice. A normie should first get a bit of experience. Date around so you know how to get sufficient interest.

Remember, men do most of the swiping. This means that OP can always send a targeted 'unapologetic' message to a woman if they find this 'anime loving soul mate'. But for other women, they don't immediately put up red flags. The profile is a low-pass filter. The date is the high-pass filter.

I am aggressively myself after the first date. On a first date, both parties are too nervous. I still recommend being authentic on a first date. But have a peeling-the-onion approach to revealing aspects of yourself. Don't go in with the sledge-hammer. If you're meant to be soulmates with anime as a common hobby, then anime will come up whether you want to or not. But, if you're soul mates and she doesn't like anime, then aggressively shoe horning it in can set off alarms.

Now for the caveat. I recommend sprinkling 'dog whistles' in your profile. My linked spotify was full of odd genres that signaled my weirdness. If you're into anime, you can link some 'fear and loathing' or 'Nujabes'. If you have abs, it's okay to cosplay as Luffy from One Piece of Goku from Dragonball. You can wear Hokusai's great wave tshirts or a photo of you hiking Mt. Fuji. A keen Japano-phile will clock you right there. But, it won't turn-off the anime-ignorant. Just avoid posting photos at a manga-con or akibahara.

Your advice is excellent for maximizing engagement. But you will spend a lot of time dating a lot of average people who like average things if you take it too far

Fair

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