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Notes -
Briefly on procreation, the population crisis, homelessness, and foster care:
I'd like to have children for pro-social reasons. I believe that failing to give back to the world when it has given so much to you is somewhat of a metaphysical thievery. My position isn't that everyone needs to have children, but I have contempt for old men who fail to plant trees whose shade they won't enjoy, especially when they have plenty of land and seeds. It's a narcissistic and hedonistic rot.
I'll focus on the word have, though, because my partner and I are not particularly well-positioned to have biological children. I feel that the base urges we have to literally procreate are just that - base urges. I am not Genghis Khan. There are 7 billion people on Earth, and cosmically my specific genetics are not even a footnote within a footnote in the story of humans. My siblings and cousins have me covered anyway when it comes to the genetic progeny of our bloodline, anyway. While the concept of creating something so awesome from almost nothing is romantic, it strikes me a bit as a novelty when put into a modern global context.
The factoid that I always try to bring up concerning homelessness in the US is that, depending on the source you cite, between ~30% and 50% of every homeless adult spent time in the foster care system. Like many social programs, the issues lie with the "cliff": when foster children turn 18 they age out of the system overnight. In 2025, it's a near impossibility to support oneself at age 18 entirely independently, especially if you're struggling to graduate high school or obtain a GED. To be a bit cliche, 22 is the new 18 (and 26 is the new 22, according to health insurers). It seems like, if you were to try to provide better than the "median" fostering experience, you would go a long way by simply supporting the foster child to age 22 instead of age 18.
To connect the dots, adoption and / or fostering seems to be a great way for this old man to plant trees, especially if biological children are completely ruled out. There is undeniably a population crisis and replacement rate is an issue, but from a (gross?) utilitarian perspective the population crisis is about productive members of society. Adopting and / or fostering well kills two birds with one stone: it reduces the population that is at-risk for homelessness, and creates more productive members of society.
We had fertility problems and went the foster to adoption route. The foster training gives you a pretty good idea beforehand of what you're likely getting into, so I felt pretty mentally prepared. Our first foster (that we later adopted) was pulled out of their home at around 3 years old, went to their grandparents who didn't really want to raise a child, then went to one foster parent who was stretched too thin. This kid was eventually brought to us at 4 years old and we've had them for 5 years now. There are some clear personality and learning struggles the kid has but overall they're pretty happy.
Our second foster to adoption was picked up straight from the hospital as a premature infant and is a different race. Interestingly enough, I actually told the foster service that I preferred not to have someone of a different race. This hacked off one of the supervising social workers, but considering the need for foster families, she let it be known how she felt then allowed us to open up our home again. As fate would have it, the next available child was a baby that was not white. Our social worker informed us of the situation, my wife and I discussed it, and we decided to take the baby. The baby, despite having drugs in their system and being born premature, seems to have developed pretty well into a young normal kid. Extremely cute and happy. The race thing may came into play at some point, but they're not black, so I don't expect it to be as big of an issue as it seems to be with black kids adopted by white families.
All I can provide is a stable home and love and security. They have both had that, and will continue to have that. I enjoy watching them grow, and even though they're not angels they seem very social. I do have what I consider to be minimal expectations of structure and responsibility. The older one struggles pretty badly with having any responsibility, and while I think some of that is just engrained in their DNA some of it is also just their youth. Overall, my philosophy toward it has always been one where I accept that I cannot control the inherited traits they bring with them. It just is what it is. I also can't predict the future, but my plan is to let them find themselves without pushing too hard. If they grow up and become menaces to society some part of me will be devastated, but I'll be pretty confident in thinking it wasn't because of their upbringing.
I'd love it if you posted more about your experiences with adoption/fostering.
What would you like to know?
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