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Notes -
No, you are wrong. Ancillary justice is great.
To address a few of your points:
The AIs don't "need" to take over humans, they do it to create perfect AI controlled meat puppet servants for the officer cadres aboard the ships, as non human servants is just low class.
The AI human main character is just a fragment of the actual AI, and due to having loads of bits of brain scooped out to fit in the cyberaugmetics for communication and integration with the AI is basically a weird techno autist. The AI was also not a god AI like a culture mind. What is left is essentially a fusion of a small part of the AI fused with the lobotomised remnants of the original human.
They all use she pronouns not as an endorsement of woke, but as their culture is a slave owning, world conquering, plantation building, mass murdering, genocidal, xenophobic, feudal caste based imperium of polite nazis in space who like to drink tea and wear fine clothes (edit I forgot the end of this bit, so they use one pronoun for eveyone as that is their culture and they literally force it on everyone else, who doesn't get slave lobotomised or killed in their invasiom that is). The language fuckups are the shattered remnants of the AI and lobotomised human autistically struggling to not to act like they have done for their whole life, that is like a conquering army backed up by reams of orbital dakka, ready to genocide the natives if they don't like how things are done now.
It is to my read a praise of autocratic caste based society, while also holding up a dark mirror on how the elements of a woke worldview (pronouns) are intrinsically alienating to humans and flow only from a conquering army backed by the righteousness power of the gun barrel and little else, while being natural only to literal autistic meat puppets lobotomised to act as servants for their caste betters. It is easy to view it as an extreme criticism of wokeness.
This is basically what I assumed the author was trying to get at - but the beginning was far too slow paced and uninteresting to keep me hooked until this was made explicit. I think she either needed to hook people earlier, or address this explicitly. As I've mentioned elsewhere though I had too much heat in this post and not enough light.
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