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Small-Scale Question Sunday for August 10, 2025

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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I'm to old to have ever used these, and my wife and I have been together since the 90s. However, where I work brings me into contact with a lot of college age and slightly older people who do use these apps to varying degrees. The young men are often getting together on breaks to critique each other's profiles, and the women get together to...also critique men's profiles. As far as I can tell there are a handful of distinct experiences being had here. If you are a good looking man, top 10% or better really, you can have sex with a lot of average women. If you are an average woman you can occasionally have sex with a very good looking man. If you are an average or worse man you can finance the above interactions while being strung along with the promise of maybe having the first experience described here, until you realize that's not going to happen and give up. Very rarely an actual enduring relationship will develop, but these seem more like a fluke than any intent of the app creators. The apps that empower the women even more than usual like Bumble seem to be loosing popularity too. In theory women like being the only party that can initiate a conversation. In practice they are terrible at it and generally unaccustomed to putting any effort into courtship at all. There also appears to be a fair amount of romance fraudsters as well, who seem to target both genders equally, through with different strategies.

You pretty much nailed it, impressively accurate for an 'outsider.'

The one achievement of the apps is getting the average guy to finance (both paying for apps, and paying for dates) the whole operation so that average women can sleep with a variety of hot guys who will never, ever commit, and the hot guys don't have to invest much capital, so it is cheaper for them than finding hookers.

And for the women, its definitely a 'decision paralysis' or 'paradox of choice' situation. You've got 50 matches on any given day, and you need to pick one or two to go on dates with, but of course doing that is possibly locking you out from choosing the ideal match... if such a thing exists, so its easier to just not pick and let men do the whole song and dance to hold your attention.

Its horribly toxic, and I worry that the younger kids just have never known anything different, so its 'normal.' When it really, really should not be normal.