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Notes -
Nice. Been a long time since I've had a dream that I remember, nowadays I'm too tired to have any of those. And maybe that's for the better, since most of the dreams I do remember end up being hopelessly surreal or fucking terrifying.
One of my most realistic dreams to date involved a scenario where I had died as a kid and my family had made an android copy to replace me due to their failure to cope with the grief. Here I was the copy, filled with memories I knew could not possibly be real, and acutely aware of the fact that I had been modelled off a person whose internal perception of the world may actually have been nothing like mine. Out of obligation I just went about my days like nothing had happened, like everything was normal, and my family in turn treated me as if I was actually the child they had lost. It wasn't a nightmare in the traditional sense - there were no sudden bouts of panic - rather, throughout the dream the existential horror of the whole charade just sat passively in the background, and it actually stayed with me for a while after I woke up.
In yet another dream I got rather badly jumpscared. I was at some event or something, or party, and at one point I turned around and the entire dream went black and white, almost like early photographic film. There was a person standing right behind me, looking straight at me with this intensely malicious stare, and their face just kind of... popped forward, in a really fucking creepy way that I can barely describe. All I can say is that to date, there is not a piece of horror media that has viscerally freaked me out that badly.
I also tend to get recurrent dreams which are endless loops of waking up, realising I'm actually still asleep, then waking up again in the dream. These can go on for a while - I think at one point I "woke up" six times before finally successfully forcing myself awake.
Pretty much all of the dreams I remember are fucky in some way or other. You can probably endlessly subject all of this to Freudian psychoanalysis, but I don't care for it.
Funny enough, dream analysis has always been the least interesting aspect of psychoanalysis to me. Probably because I rarely have them, and when I do, their "meaning" is always quite manifest and apparent -- there's a clear causal relationship between what I'm dreaming about and something I was thinking about recently, or something I experienced at some point.
Although, I am curious on a meta-level if this says anything about me...
It's typically the telling as much as the content itself that provides insight n Freudian dream analysis.
Right, there's the classic "I don't know who the woman was, but I can tell you that she wasn't my mother!"
But my dreams (insofar as I can remember them anyway) are rarely even complex enough to have much of a "telling". I was walking down a street in my neighborhood. Bam that's it that's the dream. Rather uninteresting! (I suppose even that little bit is still a "telling" though.)
Hmmm, street walking, were you? (Scribbles note)
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