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Notes -
A godless liberal goes to church
I knew in advance that my frustration with the godless progressive milieu that did everything but (ok, not but) cheer a horrifying political assassination, would be unlikely to be assuaged by attending my local Unitarian church's sunday service, but since I had read it described as the most intellectual church, and because of its sensibility towards Christ's (obvious lack of) resurrection, I felt like it would be the most likely out of the various sects to be a spiritual home for me.
I had no idea how bad it is in there.
The introductory speaker began the service reading very slowly and deliberately through various housekeeping items in a kind of "this is why boys in school have ADD" teacher voice. It was revealed that this was a special "all ages" day that they do every month. Could this be why she was reading to us in a voice like we were all babies, or is she always like this, I wondered. The last thing she did before passing the mic was asking us all to stand up and get the wiggles out.
The choir then got up and sang "Liberty and Justice for all" by Brandon Williams. Could this be an old Whiggish protestant church song, I wondered. But as it started "We are frightened... we are angry... we are rising..." which came across as a bit modern to me.
Then they sit down and they are followed by some ceremony to induct new people to serve as some kind of counselor role, which involves some vow reading that takes a while. Then they sit down and the choir gets up again, to sing "One Foot/Lead With Love" by Melanie DeMore which again contains words about being "scared," but it's a bit catchier than the first song.
Then they go sit down and now the two apparent church leaders say they are going to tell us a "story." Very slowly and deliberately they read out a baby story about two brothers trying to find God. They go up to the mountains, but they don't see God there...
I have to leave. The whole experience has felt like being Dracula confronted with a crucifix. Every cell in my brain screaming to get out of this holy place. Exiting the door I'm confronted with pouring down rain on a street with cars going by and I'm struck by the beauty and calm. THIS is where God is, is the thought that occurs to me.
So now my thought is, culturally, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? How is THAT what church is? Jesus Christ! How fucking horrible was all that? I could not believe only 30 minutes had passed.
I looked up the two choir songs and they are both basically anti-Trump protest songs written in 2016/17. Why are we singing about how scared we are? Why don't we fucking man up?
Why in every aspect is this a church for babies? Where even the children are bored by their pandering to them?
I was raised as a godless liberal but I had an idea that if things felt really dire and miserable, or if I felt like I needed God for whatever reason, any one of these places would at least do a serviceable job of keeping me connected. Holy hell was I wrong, there are some fucking bad, miserable churches.
If you want to go to a church, I'd suggest going to something which is the real thing, not something that's been watered down to appeal to some modern ideology. You might not like or agree with it but I suspect you would respect it more for it being what it is, rather than it pretending to be something else. The churches which most closely resemble the early church are Eastern Orthodoxy and Roman Catholicism. I recommend Eastern Orthodoxy. I am biased since it is my denomination and I think it is the original. It is also very beautiful. You will not find a shrill woman lecturing you like a baby.
Depending on where you live, the Eastern Orthodox might be far away, or might be in a foreign language like Russian or Greek. I recommend reading this article before you go.
If you go to a Catholic church, the Traditional Latin Mass ones are not watered down, though the services are in Latin. Some like or don't like that. I personally find them quite beautiful, and it might help you avoid ruminating on your intellectual objections to what is being said. But similarly, it might be a bit of a drive to find a Traditional Latin Mass. Try this map.
If you want to get an idea of a stereotypically American, protestant church experience, here is a list of traditional Protestant parishes from Redeemed Zoomer.
What you get out of it depends on your mindset going in. If you go in with a receptive, open mind, you'll probably have a better experience. If you go in with a mind towards intellectually testing/combating it, you'll probably have a worse experience. I don't know where you are at so I can't say. If you are in want of intellectual arguments for the truth of Christianity, or the easier claim that God exists, I can provide them. They are out there, but are not very well known.
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