The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
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Sounds like you've been through the ringer. I've struggled with depression and various other issues, even suicidal ideation, though you have certainly been through worse.
For my part, I'd recommend just continuing to experiment with various ways of feeling better. Try and have hope from the fact that myself, and many thousands (or tens of thousands or w/e) of people have recovered from serious depression and shitty circumstances, even though it seems impossible.
What helped me a lot was to find a few good male role models I genuinely respected, and go to them for advice for big life things. Almost like a surrogate dad. I found a great priest (which btw, many are still fine talking to you even if you express disbelief and frustration!) and also a great therapist, though it took some doing a lot of false starts. But trying to make meaningful connections with other men, especially older men, was very helpful for me I think.
I also would recommend just being kind to yourself, I know it's hokey, but it can be helpful. Life can be extremely hard, and we make it harder by hating ourselves. Sometimes I think that's what God forgiving us is at least partially supposed to solve.
Psychedelics, such as MDMA or psilocyben, can help if you are in a really, really tough spot, but they can be a mixed bag. Plus hard to get. I've never done it but it's probably better to find a therapist or 'guide' or whatever to walk you through it, if you decide to go that route.
Ultimately I think while church is complicated, and Christianity is in a weird spot, finding a group of folks that you can have as a community can help. Doesn't have to be church, I did ecstatic dance for a while and that has a kind of church-like vibe. AA and similar recovery programs can fill the niche. But having some sort of community that is focused on the deep parts of life can help a ton.
Anyway, I genuinely hope that things get better for you. Sounds like you have avoided a lot of the worst case scenarios, which is awesome. I'd give yourself credit for that. If you want to DM me, feel free. I like to chat with folks.
ETA: OH! Also for romance, I'd really recommend learning to dance. I started partner dance in college to get better with ladies, and it worked super well even though it was very hard and awkward at first. Partner dance like salsa, swing, etc is an excellent way to meet and impress women. Plus it can be fun once you get decent at it.
I know it might sound like I'm doing poorly, but I'm actually not doing poorly. I sometimes get sad, sure, who doesn't? But avoiding thinking about sad stuff or anything heavy like fears that I will die alone and un-romanced did wonders for me up until now. The only reason I wrote any of that out was to paint a picture for everyone to give me actually good advice on what to do with myself romantically, because it will be difficult without some strategy to go for. Will liberal atheist women accept me? How can I accept them without harming myself so much? After writing it, I think it might be stupid to even think about it at all, and just try to go for many women and see who works out. If she loves me, then she will be okay with talking the sexual hangups all out with me. Or, perhaps, I will rapidly make her unattracted to me by becoming emotional. Either way, I do appreciate your request to DM. I don't actually have any more sad things to say.
Ahh yeah. As I said in one comment, learn to partner dance. Did wonders for me.
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