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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   1764 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 9, 2025

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

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I read the whole thing. Ye of little faith! Unfortunately, I don't see a good path forward for you two. Let's break it down:

  1. You have an absolute dealbreaker with moving to the city where she lives. Forget the cost of living, that's bad enough, but the psychological problems you said are too big to ignore. It sounds like you're doing everything you can on that front, so until the therapy helps you more (if indeed it does), you're at an impasse. The obvious rejoinder to this issue you have is "just move and put up with the stress, how hard can it be bro"... but based on what you said it's not that simple and it'll be very hard (to say the least) for you to cope with the stress until you adjust.
  2. She refuses to live where you are. I totally understand your frustration with her seeming shifting of the goalposts, but either way her reasons add up to it being a dealbreaker for her to live in your city.

And that means I think you two are not gonna make it. Even if she has the best of intentions and really loves you with all her heart, you two have irreconcilable differences in what you want out of life. You can't half live in each other's cities any more than you can half have kids and not have kids. Sometimes you can't compromise on something, and that's the end of the road for that relationship. So even if you both are trying to make it work as hard as possible, I don't think you can make it work. And on top of that...

I don't think she's actually trying all that hard to make this work. Let me give the caveat that I don't know her, and I'm only getting your version of events, which is to say I'm not getting an unbiased perspective at all. But with that caveat out of the way, I think her reasons for not wanting to move are weak as hell and it makes me think she's not as willing to commit to you as you are to her. "There's no public transportation" is imo a preference, not something you should ever elevate to the level that it would kill a relationship. And on top of that, every time you've tried to address that concern of hers, she moves the goalposts ("I don't want you to have to drive me" and "I'm concerned for my career"). At least being concerned for her career is a better objection, but still. The fact that she is following up one reason with another as soon as you address the first, makes those "reasons" come across more as "excuses". All in all, (again with the caveat I stated up front), I don't think this girl loves you the way you do her.

So yeah, for two different reasons I don't think it's gonna work for you two. I'm really sorry man, I don't want to be a wet blanket. I'm sure this is unwelcome to hear. But you asked for blunt and honest, and my blunt, honest assessment is that this relationship is a bust.

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