Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
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Notes -
If it's not making sense after ten years, it's never going to make sense.
Again, I'm diagnosing a situation based on no knowledge except what you've provided here, but it sounds like that from her side, things are fine as they are and she has no wish to change them. You seem to be the one who wants the permanent committed relationship. You say she says she misses you and wishes you could be together, but again from what you say, she's doing nothing about that.
You're doing the research online. You're trying to find alternatives and compromises. From your description, her view is "move here, not necessarily in with me, so I can keep what I already have plus be able to see you more easily and more often".
I dunno. Sounds like the saying ""In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek". But if you want this to work, maybe it can. I'm hesitant to say "start making demands" because that's a great way to start a fight, but can you ask her does she really think your problems will let you just move to the city like she wants? What's her suggestion for overcoming "I would lose her simply because we couldn't afford to be where she wants to be." Is she willing to move somewhere in the city that is within your current means, or is that also a big no-no? If it's going to be home for both of you, what assets is she bringing to this and why is it all on you to pay for a new house?
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