Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
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Notes -
Probably better suited for the wellness thread, but w/e.
Are any of you pathologically secretive/have problems with feeling excessive amounts of shame? Or, even better, have you been secretive beyond what is necessary in the past and then managed to move past that stop being that way?
In real life I’m a pathologically secretive kind of guy. My phone’s wallpapers are always set to the default image. I never wear graphic T-shirts or any piece of clothing that could be considered a statement. The walls of my apartment are mostly plain. I’ve always been this way – I remember how I’d always pause my games as a kid when parents came into the living room where I was playing on the family TV. I wasn’t even playing anything particularly embarrassing at the time, it was more often than not FIFA or some racing game, something completely normal for a schoolboy to be playing! I just always had the weird connection “personal = embarrassing = has to stay hidden” in my head, even about the most innocuous things. I don’t think there was any kind of inciting incident that led to me ending up this way either – my mom, who I lived with, was not particularly strict, I wasn’t getting bullied at school and did not experience any particular serious trauma that I can think of.
I suppose it’s a function of lots and lots of internalized shame, social anxiety and low self-esteem, as I’m, and have always been into a lot of things that are niche and kind of embarassing (think of a generic weeby neckbeard's interests and that's me). I can’t bring myself to outright lie to others or myself by constructing a fake socially approved identity, but I also diligently hide my power level, so the result is that I come off as a very plain, unremarkable if somewhat awkward dude. Although it goes beyond hobby stuff – I remember having trouble doing anything on my laptop during class in college, unless I was sitting in the corner at the very back of the class, where no one could see my screen. Some dudes in that classroom were pretty openly playing League, and here I was, struggling to open the file containing the essay I was working on for another subject.
This approach to life probably helped me avoid my fair share of public embarrassment, but it hasn’t won me many close friends either. By now, I’ve come to consider it much more of a liability than an asset. I feel terrible even playing video games in front of my girlfriend, who also enjoys them, in my own home, for Pete’s sake, and that’s definitely not a great way to live.
So, if any of any you Mottizens have experienced something similar, how did you move past it? Or does it still haunt you to this day?
Meh. A lot of times we all just vastly overthink things and have a predisposition to anxiety. When I’m having a moment I suspect that’s what’s really going on. The reality is far more mundane than the worry we often have.
Sounds like you may be somewhat embarrassed to be out and forward with your interests and who you are. The best way I’ve found to deal with it is to adopt the mantle of “that guy” and own it. A lot of others feel the same way internally and we invest an inordinate amount of time doing our best to “keep up appearances” of being a certain way, which is why we all look so ordinary on the outside. But just try being you more often instead of covering for yourself. Doesn’t mean you have to be up in the face of others. It just means you don’t put yourself away when you state something that sets you apart from someone else. Someone comes up to you and says “… you’re weird…,” you say, “… yeah, I try to be…” / “… as opposed to what, being boring?…,” etc. Let them process their own look of stupidity on their face.
Once we’ve progressed beyond the primitive stage of mind reading technology, I think you’ll find a of people have internalized worries like this and it isn’t so much a ‘you’ thing.
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