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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   8231 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of December 29, 2025

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There is a saying that men are the more romantic sex, masquerading as the more pragmatic one, while women are the more pragmatic sex, masquerading as the more romantic one.

From speaking with my female friends, vs my male ones, there are dramatic differences in how they talk about their partners/potential partners. My female friends, specifically, tend to literally talk about how much the man makes, how good of a partner he appears to be (as in, if they were out in public, how well would he make them look), and how high status he is (expressed as what would their parents/friends think about him); whereas my male friends tend to be a lot more about how their partner makes them feel (some of which is appearance, but it also includes things like how she thinks about them, or does them little favours, etc). A book I read by a female author (The Black Magician, by Trudi Canavan) had a line in it that was something like "People in the slums tried to find a man who could provide, but often married for love instead" (in the context it was in, it was presented as a contrast to the well off people in the city, who married specifically for providers).

Actually, come to think about it (and it's a little bit of a tangent), one of the things I've noticed from reading a number of books is that you can always tell from how the romance is presented whether it was a female or male author, even if the rest of the book passes fairly well for either gender of writer. Off the top of my head:

  1. Male writers tend much more towards smaller age gaps between men and women, and try to avoid power differentials; female writers definitely do not. It is extremely rare for a male author to have a male character date his students, proteges, trainees, etc. - whereas I'd almost say it's the reverse for female writers. There was a period of time in the fantasy genre where every single book being written was "male assassin trains younger man, and ends up dating him" - which were all written by women. There's a series by Tamora Pierce in which the main character is raised by a man in his twenties, and when she's 16 ends up dating him which seriously squicked me out when I read it.
  2. Male writers often have the man doing all of the work to set up the relationship - with women it tends to range from the woman being actively seductive (see Tamora Pierce, above), to being closer to equals (Robin Hobb has this with Fitz and Molly in Assassin's Apprentice). Even in examples written by male authors where the woman is much more seductive in nature (I'm thinking here of Shade's Children, by Garth Nix), the actual 'event' tends to have the male character taking more of the lead.

(I do realize all the books I mentioned above are both YA and fantasy - I'm trying to maintain a tiny bit of opsec here, even if I've basically given everyone enough info to identify who I am with even a trivial amount of work).

Male writers tend much more towards smaller age gaps between men and women, and try to avoid power differentials; female writers definitely do not. It is extremely rare for a male author to have a male character date his students, proteges, trainees, etc.

I'm pretty sure this reflects only on what is acceptable in the publishing industry.

I would agree except that it’s exactly the opposite for female authors - like, another Trudi Canavan book (Priestess of the White) has the exact dynamic of young girl raised by an elderly man in her village, and ends up with him in the second book.

It’s just not something men think about putting in their books in the same way women do. It’s hard to describe the exact difference, but a while back, I read a bunch of books that ranged from “romance” to “kind of smutty” to “basically just pornography” by both male and female authors (with the goal of comparing and contrasting how men and women approach the genre). With male writers, a dynamic like that is more of a “sleep together once,” while with female authors, it’s presented as a healthy relationship.

Seriously, it is very very easy to tell - the male smut novels were honestly kind of hilarious in how they immediately presented exact measurements of every female character who appeared - the female ones were much more likely to focus on how well dressed or wealthy they were.

I think this is the first time I've heard of Shade's Children in the wild. I loved that book when I first read it in middle school, after Sabriel.

Sabriel (and Liriel/Abhorsen) were really good books - I stayed up way too late reading Sabriel when it first came out, and the scene in the reservoir was so creepy that I didn’t get any sleep at all that night.

Sabriel is one of my favorite books from my youth. The fighting on the modern side of the wall was what stuck for me, but that reservoir scene was so eerie, I don't blame you.

I stayed up all night one Thursday reading Lirael cover to cover because the girl I borrowed it from wanted it back over the weekend. Seven hundred plus pages, under the covers at night. They really are fantastic books. The bells were always so interesting to me. Named, with personality and purpose, to control the dead. And one, bigger than the rest, that never* gets used.

*Chekov's death bell

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