This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Unfortunately true, but bless your luck on that. "Woman who just exited serious relationship b/c partner became unbearable but not abusive" is about the best pull you can expect these days. Proven ability to commit, and valid excuse for being back on the market.
Its semi-similar to how I met my ex. I had just gotten stood up for a date, we both happened to be online around 1:30 a.m., I managed to talk her into a date on the same day, and she kept showing up.
If someone pops up on a dating app that hasn't been jaded to all hell, you've got a VERY small window of time to match with them and get them face-to-face and then try and convince them to get off the app entirely.
Hence why I say that apps have 'gamified' dating. And I'm old enough to remember when it wasn't freaking luck of the draw.
God-damn.
For other sorts of behaviors this would probably have a specific diagnosis in the DSM-5.
But it validates my other assumption: meeting women in person is now tainted because even if they're not on dating apps, they are aware they can hop on at any time and be basked in attention. You might even manage to talk her into a date in person, but she might think "I should check my other options one more time" and hop on just to sate curiosity.
The final thing that blows my mind is that I talk to various guys who sort of get this fact, but also don't see how continuing to play the game is what makes it worse. Its like a person complaining about all the traffic on their commute, neglecting the fact that they ARE traffic.
One of my favorite (in a dark humor kind of way) pairings is the "I was on an app for one time for 15 minutes and met the love of my life, so apps are great for dating" fresh-faced woman with the "1000-yard stare multi-year veteran of trying to date from apps" man.
This is literally my marriage. I had about 18 months of deliberate dating grind before I met my wife and by the end of it after I'd lost like 20KG and optimized my stuff I'd been going on 2-3 first dates a week for the last couple months. It was ludicrous.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link